(Closed) Is a "Promise Ring" truly promising engagement in the future?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 62
Member
260 posts
Helper bee

@nellybee:  exactly this. He was ready to propose to his ex with this ring when he was younger and probably had less money but with you he’s not ready? This would not fly with me.

Post # 64
Member
7439 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Promise Rings have been around for eons.

They mean whatever the Giver and Receiver want them to mean.

Nowadays, they do sort of sound kind of “High School” like, but when I was married the first time (Circa 1980) they were very popular with College & University Couples

I myself received a Promise Ring from my Hubby-2B in our second year of Dating… a simple gold ring with my Birthstone, inside a sort of filagree heart (maybe valued at $ 100 or less back then… and by comparisson my Bridal Set cost just over $ 1000)

The idea was that after we Graduated, and got into our first jobs, that he`d save up to buy me my real ERing at the end of the Summer

Which he did

Your Promise Ring is GORGEOUS…

I`d certainly take it for what your SO says it is… a way of showing his intentions

And they can`t be half bad if the guy puts out $ 2 K for a Promise Ring… I would imagine that the ERing will be as per the trend… a lot fancier, more valuable etc.

I`d certainly accept the Ring, and his Promise / Pledge for a future together, if Marriage is what you have in mind with him in the future.

Hope this helps,

— — —

EDIT TO ADD – I just read the bit about this being a ring he bought with “the hope” that a former Girlfriend might eventually be his fiance some day.

Now I get the conflicted feelings you are having.

And mind you, I am not one who likes to play second fiddle to anyone.

And certainly so in my younger years.

BUT I am probably a lot closer to your Mother`s age, so I get where she is coming from.

IF he never gave this ring to anyone else… (say vs a Refused or Returned ERing)… then I see it as being unspoiled.  It is just a very pretty ring

He has said he wants to marry you… he`s also mentioned something about getting you a special ERing when the time comes (so we assume much more than this)

That means (a) you far out-rank the old Girlfriend… who never got the ring to begin with, (b) you will end up with a GORGEOUS ERing, and (c) a BEAUTIFUL Diamond Promise Ring (for another finger)

AND

The man of your dreams.

IF the ring is truly unspoiled, and the mans intentions honourable... Ya Id accept the ring.

 

 

 

Post # 66
Member
267 posts
Helper bee

@Ellyson:  yup, same here! He has to do some effort to get a unique gift: each woman is different! I would have returned it right away when I was offerend “past girlfriend jewelry”.

Post # 69
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@kayteegeee:  the fact that he’s changing the story is a major red flag. he’s lying to you about something that you have the right to know about. i hope everything getsbetter πŸ™‚ love!

Post # 70
Member
3518 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would not accept a promise ring. It would feel like he was just looking for an excuse to wait longer. Hell no. You want me off the market for good, get a real e-ring on that finger. I ain’t “promising” anything until we’re planning a wedding. (Speaking of which, your promise ring cost more than my e-ring! That’s one heck of a promise ring!)

I don’t care about the other girl though. I’d accept it as an e-ring if he wanted to give it that way.

Post # 71
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

If I may… none of this seems to be about jewelry.

You sound dissatisfied. Whether it’s with the present state of the relationship, his commitment to you, the pace of your ‘waiting’ period, this promise ring that you didn’t really want, or something else — you were unhappy enough to be contemplating an end.

He sounds comfortable. He has a smart, driven, lovely young lady who adores him and makes him happy. Says he’d like to be more financially stable, but otherwise seems to be content.

It hit a chord with me when you said that you sometimes want to end the relationship but that it’s difficult because you’re so attached. I have so been there, madly in love, and unable to make the right decisions regarding the relationship because I was too invested (emotionally and otherwise).

I’m definitely not in any way telling you that you should or shouldn’t be in this relationship. I will say that there’s a breakdown in the communication somewhere, and the ring isn’t even a part of that. The negative feelings you’re having, and the doubts, won’t be resolved with a promise or an engagement or a ring of any kind. You need to know that the person you love listens to you and understands your needs. His focus on making the proposal this big thing when you’re feeling tempted to tap out — it just doesn’t seem like you’re speaking the same language here.

My heart totally goes out to you right now, I hope you can work through this and find the happiness you deserve to be feeling when thinking about your future. Sending some love!!

Post # 72
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

oh my goodness! I cannot imagine how you feel in all this!  Bless your heart! (hugs)

As far as promise rings go, I’m 21 and I wear one.  It is not a promise for MrH to ask me to marry him but rather when we were going through some REALLY rocky messes in our relationship he bought me a ring and said “I would be honored if you would wear this ring to remind yourself that I am determined to work through these issues and love you no matter what comes of all of this” it is a hercules knot with a diamond cluster and chanel set diamonds on the pieces that actually tie the “knot” (cost him about $130).   I was blessed with a man super clear on what the promise meant and I do wear it on my left hand as I am often the only woman at my job and it keeps people at bay.

buuuuuuuut if my ring had belonged to the previous MrsH… the southern redneck in me would have come out REALLY quick.

Post # 73
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Haven’t read many comments, but I can only think of 2 reasons for a promise ring-

One- you’re in highschool and can’t legally marry because of age.

Two- you’ve got limited money and shouldn’t marry because you can’t support yourselves.

I USUALLY think it’s a heap of crap. It’s like saying ‘I want to keep you around but I’m not actually making a commitment, here’s something sparkly.’ To me it comes off as a stalling tactic in any situation other than the above 2. Why not buy an engagement ring instead of a promise ring, or propose without a ring?

If you guys are not relying on other people for money, I think he’s stalling. You don’t need money to propose and getting married costs next to nothing at the courthouse. If you guys aren’t interested in that though and want an expensive wedding/ring then I could see why it would be sensible to have a good amount of savings. I couldn’t help wondering why the money for the promise ring wasn’t saved for your engagement ring if finances are the only thing stopping this, until I read one comment that said it was for another woman. No. Sorry, in my head he just gave you a ring he had lying around (and if finances are so tight, why hadn’t he sold the 2k ring?) without putting any thought, money or effort into it for YOU.

If he can afford to keep a 2k e-ring around collecting dust then I have a hard time believing money’s really THAT tight that he can’t afford to get you an e-ring- why didn’t he sell the other girl’s e-ring and get you your own?

Post # 74
Member
1224 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@kayteegeee:  Usually I feel like promise rings are a way to get the Girlfriend to shut the hell up about getting married, being together forever.

I don’t think it’s cool that it’s his ex-girlfriends. It’s kinda bull crap actually. I would rather have a freaking twist tie.

That would be more sincere to me.

Post # 75
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@harperlynn:  haha “freaking twist tie” I love it! I said almost the same thing to MrH who was feeling bad that he probably wont ever be able to buy a ring like his ex wife had. (personally I wouldnt want anything at all like hers but whatev).  If a man wants to spend eternity with you, who cares what the ring is like when its his life he is giving to you? annnnnnywho… sorry for that highjack.

 

I can understand where you are coming from on the ex thing though.  or maybe im just a very jealous person. 

Post # 76
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

I know this threat has turned into a lot more than just the promise ring thing, but I thought I would throw my two cents in πŸ™‚

 

I started dating my boyfriend when we were very young, when we were sophomores in high school. After I turned 18 he bought my a beautiful diamond promise ring. It’s nothing fancy, just a super tiny diamond surrounded by two hearts. It was completely his idea, because he wanted to marry me, but also wanted something to remind me of him at college (even though we go to the same school!). Whenever I look at my tiny diamond, I always remember it’s something that’s going to transform into something beautiful when we’re ready. We’re at the point where we’re ready to take the next step and be committed (next month I believe!), so I think it was appropriate.

 

I firmly believe we can’t judge something and say it’s childish or for high schoolers or it’s to get women to be quiet about marriage. Situations change so often. I think promise rings are great for long term high school couples, or older couples who are about to be engaged, but come into financial troubles.

 

Sorry, this is kind of aimed for someone who wanders into the post πŸ™‚

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