(Closed) is a proposal/marriage in my future?

• hazeleyez
• 5 years ago

Hi Bees!!

Well its been awhile now since I logged in. A few months back I started getting a bit obssessive over the idea that my boyfriend may have been thinking about getting engaged. Logically it seemed a bit crazy and far too soon, but I couldn’t let it go. Since then, I dropped the idea some and relaxed a bit. Recently the thoughts are creeping up again. Maybe someone here can relate. Tell me what they think of all this. If they went through this in the beginning of their relationship. Advice on how to not let my mind get overboard if a proposal seems like a long way down the road.

Well we’ve been together 8 months now.I’m 25 and he’s almost 30. 

In the past I never really thought about marriage (dresses, rings, etc) because I didn’t feel all thought confident I’d find ‘the one.’ However, when I first met my boyfriend, I knew almost immediately (the 2nd date) that I would fall in love with him and be willing to marry him. We started calling each other ‘the one’ before we were even official. 

And I’ve had so many dreams about it I can’t even count. We say ‘I love you’ all the time. 

I met his extended family and friends pretty quickly.

He loves when I wear white. And comments or asks about my jewlery a lot. My favorite ring went missing almost 6 months ago 🙁 which Is probably nothing but I still find it pretty weird.

He always makes a point to be sure I know he wants to spend his life with me. how he wants to come home to me every night etc.

Recently he brought up a mansion that he toured as a kid with his family. Its three hours away from where we live. He wants to take me sometime. Its a place that often holds weddings. And the last time we disscussed marriage the conversation geared towards famous inns and historical locations I wanted to visit. So this was similar to that. 

Again, quite recently he brought up that he baught me a christmas gift. I was getting a weird vibe from him early that day before he mentioned it. Christmas is actually two days after what will be our first annivery.

 However, besides the fact that we have only been together 8 months, there is one major issue that makes me think we may never get engaged or married – especially not any time soon.

 The first time marriage came up, I blurted out that I didn’t plan to be married for ten years or so. He responded “why ten years?” 

 Then I said, it was just a number. But basically that it should wait tell I finish paying off my student loans, finish my degree, and find a stable career. He didn’t say anything else or open it up for further discussion. 

 The next day I asked if the conversation made him uncomfortable and he said no. I said something about how dispite all my lack of interest in the past, I would marry him.

 He said after his last two failed engagements he lost interest in the idea of ever getting married, but that I’m making him rethink the idea. And that talk was about 5 months ago.

 I don’t ever really bring up the topic so we’ve only discussed it those few times.  I just rather disscuss it because and when he wants to, likewise with a possible engagement. If he doesn’t want to make that move I’ll be okay with it. I’d rather go into it knowing he wants it just as much.

 So what do you guys think? Could it happen someday?

Thanks for taking the time to read and listen 🙂

• hazeleyez
• 5 years ago

I know its very soon to even be thinking that far ahead and there’s plenty of time to worry about all that later. I I really do enjoy the time we share and i haven’t reached a point yet where I’m ever disapointed that it hasn’t happened. If the time comes that I do start to feel impatient or dissapointed it would obviously be a good time to discuss it further and how I feel at that time.

yeah, when i said ten years…it was something I just blurted out. At the time I was worried it was too soon to even be discussing it.  I wanted him to know that I wasn’t in a hurry and that I understood that getting married involves being in the right place at the right time – finacially.

How do I feel about getting engaged right now? Conflicted. Its something I think I want even though its probably not the right time. I do want to show him (and the world) my committment to him and that I mean everything I say. But getting engaged right now would mean a very loooong engagement, and a lot of jugements, and questions about planning and that, that we wouldn’t be ready for. Emotionally, I’m ready just not enviormentally. if I did happen soon, I’d still say yes. If it never proposes, but I find myself where I want to be in life (good income, all debts paid) I could see MYSELF proposing to him!

I would like to put it out of my mind, until the timing is a little better. But its as if he’s too good to me, I can’t, lol. All those examples that I described just get to me. So how do you let it go?

What I find frustrating is that I find myself thinking about it, wondering about it so often.especially because I never use to think about it. And I wonder where that urge comes from all of a sudden. Its almost as if he’s the type of guy (says and does things) that you can’t help but think about it. Or think that he’s on the same page. But maybe that’s just what love is? When you meet the right person, your nind just goes there. Would you guys agree?