Is a rehearsal dinner mandatory?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

taylorg123 :  I don’t think a dinner is mandatory! My fiancé and I are paying for the entire wedding outselves so a rehersal dinner is a little too pricey for us. Our solution is either a rehersal brunch (brunch before the rehersal which is on a late Thursday evening) or a spaghetti feed at our place either before or after.

I don’t think it has to be a big affair with fancy food 🙂 Just something that allows you to all catch up before or after the rehearsal would be nice!

Post # 32
Member
6276 posts
Bee Keeper

They aren’t a thing at all in the uk. 

There’s usually some low key meeting the week of  at the church/venue with the main ‘players’ running through who stands where etc but rehearsal dinners as a thing is something only on American movies to me!

Post # 33
Member
2356 posts
Buzzing bee

UK-bee :  Interestng. It seems that there are a lot of only American things we do. Personally I think its all to jack up the price or make you feel like crap if you can’t do xyz. 

Post # 34
Member
5954 posts
Bee Keeper

slomotion :  I like this idea 🙂

We skipped both the rehearsal (lol I still managed to marry the right groom) and the rehearsal dinner. We did have dinner at our house with visiting family members before going to decorate the venue the evening before.

I think the rehearsal dinner is one of those ‘optional’ add-ons if you’re having a rehearsal. Nice but not necessary. Could you do something informal like slomotion suggested or maybe a few pizzas?

If I’m in a wedding party, personally I’d prefer a pizza or BBQ or casual restaurant rehearsal dinner or none at all. I was in one very formal wedding awhile back and the rehearsal dinner was so fancy (and long and drawn out!) that it could have stood in for the wedding. To each his own, but I don’t get that- y’all got enough going on the next day!

Post # 35
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee

VictorianChick :  Youre kidding right?

Dominos 3 for $5 each 

Costco $9.95 for a huge pizza – cheese, pepporoni or supreme

 

In my opinion, if you do not have $350 to spend (which Isuggested to split between the brides family and grooms family which would then be $150 for each FAMILY not person.

 I indicated that I paid $350 to feed 30 people and it was more than enough food and a lot left over. (I doubt she has 30 people in her bridal party)  

If you do not have $150 to spend then maybe they should wait until they are financially stable to get married or cut back on something that is execessive if they spent to much on the wedding. 

 

Post # 36
Member
2356 posts
Buzzing bee

engie :   I don’t have a Costco here. Also I can’t eat pizza and other people can’t as well. You have to be mindful of your group of people that would be invited. 

And really, foregoing a wedding because you can’t have a rehersal dinner? Screw that. If they can manage to put their resources together to do a wedding then good for them. But god forbid they can’t feed people shitty pizza for a rehersal dinner then they should call off the wedding? Good lord. undecided

Thats the problem with American weddings everyone thinks people should crap out cash that other countries do not do and then they are made to feel like crap for not doing xyz. 

I hope the orginal poster does what she wants and isn’t made to feel inferior because she can’t afford a rehersal dinner. 

On that note. I’m done. 

Post # 37
Member
6320 posts
Bee Keeper

You don’t NEED a rehearsal, but if you are having people come out and ‘practice’ for your wedding you do need to feed them.

Limit the amount of people you invite, bbq some burgers or order pizza as others suggested. It doesnt need to be big and fancy, but you really do need to feed the people taking time out of their day to please you.

Post # 38
Member
330 posts
Helper bee

VictorianChick :  my sister had a wedding on short notice to a man in the army. She could not afford many of the requirements, including rehersal dinner , plus 1s, all this. She had friends tell her, if you cannot afford to give me a plus 1, better wait to get married. Meanwhile, he is going to a war where he could possibly die. She is lucky she did not care to listen to them for a second. They belong to a church they were required to do a rehearsal, too. Truly, most people do not care about having dinner paid for, what they want is to visit with their friends and family. What we did was potluck for them.  we have aunts that were happy to cook up a big pot, but not everyone has this.  

Post # 39
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2016 - The Great Southern Club

taylorg123 :  i did not have a rehearsal dinner. most of our friends and family have been in weddings so the rehearsel took literally 10 minutes. then everyone left to go do their own thing. i had more groomsmen than bridesmaids so i knew they didn’t care lol! no one said anything…and honestly i planned my wedding in three months and it was something that i completely forgot about.

Post # 40
Member
6276 posts
Bee Keeper

VictorianChick :  quite possibly. It’s also likely they’ll become a ‘thing’ over here as well before long. Baby showers and proms were not here 15 years ago. It seems we are rather keen on jumping on the bandwagon too. 

Post # 41
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee

VictorianChick :  I never said to forgo a wedding if you cannot have a rehersal dinner. 

A rehearsal is not even mandatory at all for a wedding (they can go over the details the morning of the wedding) 

I am stating if $150 is really too much to break the bank that maybe they need to think about the size of their wedding etc. (You can uber and make that in a week if you wanted or take surveys online for extra cash)

Post # 42
Member
3840 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

They aren’t even a thing where I live in Australia. My bridesmaids and I just practised the aisle walk to make sure we timed it right and then went home. 

Post # 43
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

taylorg123 :  Where I’m from there is no such thing as a rehearsal dinner (I think that’s a very American concept?)

We had family over for cheap takeaways the Thursday night before our Saturday wedding and it was a fun, cheap meal for family who travelled from further away.

In terms of actual rehearsing, the bridal party and direct parents did it with us and it took 15 min and was very low key.

Post # 44
Member
657 posts
Busy bee

taylorg123 :  You could get a soda, a few huge pizzas, and a chicken Caesar salad from Costco for about $50 and have a rehearsal dinner.  An even cheaper option is making lasagna or another easy pasta bake and a salad yourself.  Unless you have a massive bridal party, the rehearsal dinner shouldn’t be a big expenditure. 

Post # 45
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

VictorianChick :  Testy much?  It seems like since your wedding you’ve been a bundle of joy on these threads.

OP, you really don’t need a rehearsal unless no one in your bridal party has never been in a wedding before.  Then it’s kind of nice to see what’s expected and how things will flow.  I was a bridesmaid in a wedding a couple of years ago where the couple had a rehearsal (because it was a Catholic church and some of the bridal party wasn’t Catholic) but no dinner afterwards.  We all know ahead of time that there would not be a dinner, and we were fine with it actually.  At first I thought it was a big faux pax NOT to have something afterwards, as a thank you for coming to the rehearsal, but people were surprisingly fine with it.  Me and a couple of the other bridesmaids and groomsmen went out on our own.

So while I think the idea is nice to have one, it also was kind of nice to be able to just relax afterwards and leave on my own terms.

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