(Closed) Is a rehearsal dinner mandatory?

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 46
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee

I am having a restaurant rehearsal dinner the night before my wedding but thinking about it from a guest/ bridal party POV I wouldn’t be offended if I spent 30 mins rehearsing for somebody’s wedding and did not get fed afterwards. If I am a bridesmaid it is not to get as many free meals as possible. It is to stand up for a friend/ family member. 

Probably think about who is in your wedding party and assess whether they will feel like not feeding them is a faux pas. Although I am having a rehearsal dinner I can say that nobody in my wedding party would have been mad if my FH and I (who are paying for our entire wedding) couldn’t feed them meals twice in 2 days. 

Post # 47
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

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VictorianChick :  Didnt you just get married? Why on Earth are you so bitter? 

Post # 48
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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carolinabelle :  Thanks comes in many shapes and forms!  If I do someone a favour, all I expect in return is a ‘thank you’ it’s LOVELY to get more but it should never be expected – At most it’s good to have it reciprocated if and when there is cause but I will get suspicious of any ‘friend’ doing me a favour or helping me out with somehting important and then EXPECTING to get something in return.

Wedding guests and Bridal parties are getting greedy.  Being in a wedding seems to have nothing to do with being there to help and support the Bride and groom, now most people only seem to be in it for the free food. 

Post # 49
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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engie :  You’re the one who made up an arbitrary cost for a rehearsal dinner and stated if someone couldn’t afford that they shouldn’t get married!  Your cost also assumed the families would be footing the bill, rather than the couple which is presumptuous. 

Post # 50
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

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abouttodoit17 :  I did no such thing.  Please be sure to fully comprehend a statement prior to butting in. 

I stated how much I spent to feed 30 people ($350). 

I also stated that I am sure her bridal party has less than that amount and suggested she split the cost with the grooms family so that it makes it a lot easier on both families.  Again, her cost would be far less than $350 and less than $150 per family.  (OP mentioned families saying the grooms family is supposed to do it but hasn’t offered) 

I stated that if $150 is enough to break the bank that they should reevaluate their wedding and see if they over spent etc or wait until they are financially able.  (Personal opinion) Again this is for THIRTY people with food left over,  ALOT. 

Im sure she can scrape up 50 bucks and her fiance the same to buy some pizza or sandwiches. 

A wedding shouldn’t put you in debt. If $100 will tip you over,  then there are much greater problems ahead.  

 

No need for the hostility.

Post # 51
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

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bellsprout :  Though you make a valid point. Its important to note that it costs ALOT of money to be in someone’s wedding: 

Dress that you’ll never wear again and probably won’t like

Shoes

Hair 

Makeup 

Accessories 

Transportation

Bridal Shower contributions

Bachlorette party 

I could go on…. 

Post # 52
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

If youre requiring a rehearsal, yes. If you dont want to do a dinner then I would not have people show up the day before and make extra days arrangements like childcare/work/transportation/possibly hotel room etc.

Post # 53
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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engie :  Yeah…In my neck of the woods, the bride and groom pay for all of that and we don’t have showers – Seriously American weddings are obsessed with gifts and dinners.  Here it’s much more sincere and much less grabby.

Post # 54
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

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bellsprout :  yeah but they dont pay for the booze where you live so…. 

It doesnt make sense to judge a wedding by another country’s ettiquette. 

Post # 55
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I personally would at least invite the wedding party over for hot dogs or pizza or something.  You can probably do that for like $30.  I am sure they will forgive you if you don’t though, since they are your closest friends or family, and they are probably aware of your financial situation.

Post # 56
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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MrsBuesleBee :  Bullshit.  We do pay for booze – it just isn’t unlimited booze all day.  Our wedding are longer and our alcohol is more expensive (and most of our guests can drink A LOT).  We are paying for aproximately 6 drinks per person for 70 pople and it’s costing us over £2000 (it isn’t included in our package, it’s extra.)  We pay for two meals and canapes on the wedding day.  I don’t think it’s your personal fault that the ettiquette surrounding your weddings are dumb AF.

 

The last friend’s wedding I went to they paid £2500 for their drinks package.  Then put £2000 behing the bar (that lasted an hour) that’s £4500 (nearly $6k) for drinks and we still bought our own drinks in the evening.  They also fed us 3 times. 

 

Seriously though if you ever wnt to challenge a room full of Brits to drink unlimited alcohol for up to 12 hours on your $$…. be my guest.

 

Post # 57
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

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bellsprout :  Its not cheap here either. Our wedding day alcohol was about 10k (add in another 5 grand for Rehearsal Dinner, bridal/groom suite, bartenders, gratuity….) We pay for appetizers plus two meals too… the first one is called the rehearsal dinner 🙂 . Why are you so up in arms about american weddings…. on a primarily american wedding website? Different countries have different wedding protocol- shocker. 

Post # 58
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

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bellsprout :  FYI its called open bar.  In the States- we have people from ALL cultures.  Some cultures have wedding festivities that last a few days. 

Again,  that is not the point, its about planning within your means.  

 

That being said,  your “ettiquette” is unacceptable. You shouldnt speak to people in that manner. You can still get your point across while being respectful to yourself and others. 

Post # 59
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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engie :  “ettiquette” is unacceptable. You shouldnt speak to people in that manner. You can still get your point across while being respectful to yourself and others. 

 

OK serioiusly, what the hell are you talking about?  You’re that upset about what I think of your weddings? 

 

And FYI I know what an open bar is. 

Post # 60
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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MrsBuesleBee :  I don’t really get ‘up in arms,’ I’m very blunt with my opinions and people seem to thin that I’m attacking when I’m just stating my opinion.  

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