Is a skipped wedding really "friendship ending"? (General discussion + poll)

posted 2 months ago in Guests
  • poll: Responding "No" to a wedding invite is ...
    ... rude and unforgivable in ALL circumstances. Automatic relationship killer. : (1 votes)
    0 %
    ... v. frowned upon, but acceptable with a true extenuating circumstance (ex: pregnancy due date). : (19 votes)
    8 %
    ... a completely acceptable option for destination weddings, but not OK for local ones. : (17 votes)
    7 %
    ... neutral, could be ok or not depending on the closeness of relationship. : (89 votes)
    39 %
    ... totally fine for any reason. It's not a summons! : (96 votes)
    42 %
    OTHER / I'll post in the comments : (9 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    94 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    I did not attend my best friend’s wedding and declined being a bride’s maid.  I was very vague and she respected that there was no way I could make it.  A couple of months after her excitement and wedding talk had died down, I talked to her a bit more in depth about it and the friendship was unaltered.  My (now ex) husband was having an affair and I just couldn’t emotionally stand up there like everything was ok while we were working it out and I was not going to let that part of my life touch her day, especially since she introduced us.  Our friendship remains unaltered and we meet up often for our dogs to have play dates while we have gab sessions. 

    I can’t see the attendance of my/someone’s wedding as being that critical to a relationship.  But, I tend that direction in a lot of areas of my life so I could be the odd duck. lol

    Post # 3
    Member
    7419 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Anyone who would cut you out of their lives for RSVP’ing “no” to their wedding is really better off not being in your life.  Nobody owes anyone an explanation, either; there’s no such thing as a “good” or “bad” reason for declining an invite, because a reason isn’t even required. 

     

    Your opinionated friend needs to get over herself/himself.  If it’s super inconvenient to travel to the other friend’s wedding, so be it. Send a nice card, maybe a gift, wish them well.

     

    RSVP’ing “yes” then no-showing is bad manners but even that isn’t friendship-ending, although it would be reasonable to not make prepaid-ticket types of plans with that person again.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2208 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

    manylovesbee1 :  The person that told you this would be a relationship ender has a pretty poor experience of relationships…

    There are all sorts of reasons people can’t/don’t accept wedding invitations. Conflicts, cost, lack of interest… I would say short of immediate family or BEST friend status, people usually take a decline in stride and move on without giving it much thought. 

    From my perspective, if someone were to end a relationship over my declining an invitation, I would consider myself well shot of them. 

    Whoever told you this is wrong. It’s fine to decline. The bride probably won’t give it a ton of thought. Feel free not to spend your time and money on this. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    3372 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

    Not friendship ending at all. It’s my big day, not theirs. They are invited to attend but it’s definitely not requirement. The only person I required to show up was Dh. It sucks when friends or family can’t attend, and it stings, but I understood that my wedding was my priority and not anyone else’s.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2530 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    Absolutely not friendship ending!  Two of my lifelong BFFs didn’t make it to my wedding.  One couldn’t b/c she got married the week before (got engaged after I set my date, if the info is relevant) and the other couldn’t b/c she wanted to spend what little time she had with her husband before he deployed.  I ofcourse missed their presence, but life happens, ya know?  They are still my BFFs, we are still super close, and in no way did them not coming hurt our friendship.  

    Post # 8
    Member
    1159 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

    We had several people decline our invites, including both my brother and my wife’s brother, who both live out of state. They simply couldn’t swing it. My best friend from high school had to decline for the same reason. None of these were a big deal to us, and given their various circumstances, completely understandable.

    We also had a few people who RSVP’d yes but ended up not being able to make it. Since we were not paying per head, but rather an overall cost for “100 people or under” it was, again, not a big deal. Life happens.

    I could not imagine letting an RSVP decline (or even a last-minute “sorry but we can’t make it!”) ruin a relationship with someone I truly cared about. The very idea of that is absurd to me. Yes, it was an incredibly special day for US, but that doesn’t mean it was the most special day for everyone else.

    That said, my ex DID lose a friendship over not being able to attend a wedding and declining the invitation. It was bizarre to me then, and it’s still bizarre behavior to me now.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4398 posts
    Honey bee

    I’m totally fine with petty people outing themselves and being willing to cut people out for not attending their parties.  Makes it really easy to spot and avoid their superficial nonsense.  I’m interested in relationships that are stronger than a one-day party and weeding themselves out saves me a lot of time.

    Post # 10
    Member
    300 posts
    Helper bee

    I lost a friend of over 20 years (since pre-K) due to not attending her destination wedding – it was on a different continent to a man I’d never met, and at the time I couldn’t afford the trip. She never really forgave me for it. We are on ok terms but we’re definitely mere acquaintances now, instead of friends. Not everybody understands that their fairytale wedding is not a practical reality for their guests. It’s really a shame.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2917 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    manylovesbee1 : I think it kind of depends on the situation and circumstances, but in like 99% of scenarios ,no I don’t think it would be friendship ending.

    One of my best friends called me the day of and told me she couldnt come for a reason that I know for a fact was a lie, had she told me originally she had other plans and couldn’t make it when I asked everyone about dates, it wouldn’t have bothered me so much. Were still friends and chat quite often but it’s definitely not the same, although there were other issues going on so probably not the best example.

    In the situation you’ve described, I can’t imagine how you skipping her wedding could possible be a friendship ending move. 

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    4770 posts
    Honey bee

    For me it was.  Strange this came up was going to make a post. I rsvp’d yes and got sick and now I realize now texting a bride or groom is poor form…BUT i knew no one else. I texted that I was ill and could not make it,  very sorry. I was sick and on 2nd round of antibiotics.  I had hoped second round would help….nope. Anyhow, I sent a gift anyhow and his wife unfriended me on FB and its now super awkward. So yes friendship lost in my case. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    6350 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I can’t imagine ending a friendship over this. You never really know everything that’s going on in someone else’s life and it’s unfair to judge why someone would choose to not attend, especially if it was not a local wedding. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    4770 posts
    Honey bee

    manylovesbee1 :  Yea it was totally contagious too. I met him and a another friend at an event yearsssss later and actually forgot why i didn’t go and I think that might be why. But we hadn’t hung out for years at that point. Coincidentally I invited a mutual friend to my wedding and that person bowed out day of too. 

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