Post # 1
This is my first post although I have lurked in the shadows for some time. My fiance and I got engaged just over 2 months ago! I had always thought that I would take my husband’s name but I suppose now the reality of it has set in, I am actually quite attached to my last name! It’s very pretty and goes very well with my first name, I always get comments on it and finally none of the
My fiance and I got engaged just over 2 months ago! I had always thought that I would take my husband’s name but I suppose now the reality of it has set in and turns out I am actually quite attached to my last name! It’s very pretty and goes very well with my first name, I always get comments on it and finally none of the sons in my family are from the men and so the last name dies with my sister and me, so I really don’t want to lose it.
The issue is that my fiance’s name is double barrelled already and so a triple barreled name seems a bit absurd to me. He is not keen on taking my name – I say not keen its pretty much a flat out no. I have suggested that we “create” a new last name, His Name – My Name. At first, he was not keen, but as I keep bringing up how much I really want to keep my last name he has said he will commit to thinking it over. I reckon his family would have a few things to say about it but overall I think it wouldn’t cause too much of an issue with anyone (I think!)
I would be k with keeping my name and him keeping his – but then its a matter of what we do with the kids. He is set on them having his name which I am not 100% against but then I do feel its a bit odd they have nothing of mine as such? Do we face issues with me travelling with them under different names e.t.c? I have always imagined having the same name as my kids as well – but I suppose this was in line with my idea that I would always take my husband’s name.
My question is have any of you fellow bee’s had experience of this, what did you settle on in the name department? Would you triple barrel?
Any advice is much appreciated – look forward to hearing from you.
Post # 2
As for kids, why not have kids be KidsFirstName YourLastName HisLastName and use your last name as a middle name?
Then you could both keep your respective names and your kids will one something from both of you.
Post # 3
You having at triple-barreld-name is gonna just end up being annoying and irritating to you. I like slomotion’s suggestion.
Post # 4
In some cultures both the mother’s and the father’s surnames are given to the children- I think what you propose (a blending of your two names without the triple-barrel) is most fair.
Assuming the patriarchal names for children and the male’s surname for a woman marrying him seems outdated and sexist TBH. (Note I’m not criticizing women who take their husband’s surname or give it to their children, this is a valid choice- it’s the ASSUMPTION of this being the only choice that is outdated and sexist). Hypocritically a woman is expected to give her name up as though it’s no big deal- but ask a guy to do it and it becomes a major deal.
Post # 5
Completely agree. It’s bullshit to expect a woman to give up her last name solely on the basis that she is the woman. Please.
Post # 6
I agree agree with slomotion :
I have my legal name as:
First name, middle name, maiden name, husband’s last name.
For work and financial/legal documents my name is, first name & husband’s last name.
Post # 7
I have never seen a triple-barrelled name and I think it would be pretty unwieldy!
I love the idea of coming up with a totally new name together (like a whole new name or a mashup, not a hyphenation). I wish that was the tradition. But my husband didn’t want to change his at all so be both just kept our own. If we have kids he is also adamant about them having his last name, which is totally unfair really, But if they did they would definitely be having my last name as a middle name or a second middle name.
Post # 8
I have 2 last names. I wanted to keep both my middle name and my maiden name when I got married 20 years ago. It’s been nothing but a pain in the ass! I should have either made my maiden name my middle name or kept my middle name and dropped my maiden name. So I have 4 names and I never know which name the dentist, doctor, etc has me filed under. I just go by my first name and my husband’s last name for work now.
Post # 9
I originally wanted to do this, but a friend told me exactly what you’re saying. She also said she wishes she had dropped her middle name and made her maiden name her only middle name. I agree that three last names would be very difficult to manage.
Post # 10
My brother has 4 names, total, and when we decided to give our son 4 names, my brother told me that it’s a massive pain in the ass to deal with a lot of times. Funnily enough, I always thought it was cool that my brother had 4 names and thought it was sweet that my son would, too- like his uncle. I’ve noticed, in the last year-ish, my son wanting to only use one of his two last names in school, though- probably because it’s a pain in the ass to write both on every school document… sorry, kid.
I did not change my name. I go by my first and middle name professionally and I’m still first, middle, last- legally. The kid’s name is his own first and middle names and his last name is my middle name hyphenated with his father’s last name.
I don’t tend to like family names for middle names because I really like when kids have their own two names, but I know that’s different for everyone.
How about, for another naming option- first name, middle name, your last name and ONE of FI’s last names (preferably his mom’s 😉). Put baby’s last names in whichever order sounds the best. If you have more than one kid, give them both the same last name then their names match each other’s and both parents’.
Post # 11
I think a triple barrelled name is too much. I really hate those ‘made up’ last names that combine the two as well. It means that you keep neither of your names or history, and you run a huge risk of upsetting your families. I think I am biased however because the only ones I know who have chosen this option are really annoying, insufferable people. I guess I associate it with them!
My advice would be that you keep your last name and he keep his. If you have kids, they will probably inherit your DH’s last name. This will work out fine. I know heaps of people who have done it this way.
Post # 12
Yes, I’m spanish and my surnames are my father’s first surname and my mother’s first surname. For me, it would be very strange to only have one surname, like something was missing.
And it can get very long because some people has “compound surnames” (sorry I don’t know how to translate it). For instance my mum’s second surname is Rodríguez de Ledesma. That makes her name extra long. And yes, it is inconvenient sometimes (like when you have to fill a form and you don’t have space enough) but she never thought of shorten it up. She’s very proud of it, actually.
Also it’s forbiden to take your husbands surname. Your surnames are always yours, no matter your civil status.
Post # 13
Thanks everyone for your replies!
This thing is technically his name shouldn’t even be what it is – it is a married name the grandmother kept but actually have no blood right to be his! It also isn’t his fathers name so no major ties there and I don’t reckon his mum would mind too much.
@bunnyang I don’t want to make a new name per se but more drop one of his hyphenated names replacing it with my last name – so there is a clear line following both of our families as such instead of merging names into something weird and wonderful but totally untraceable to your lineage.
The middle name thing is ok but it’s not really the same as it being your last name so I personally prefer to join names or to keep my own name.
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2017 - Orange County, CA
I kept my last name, after some cosideration. Luckily, my husband loves my surname, and was very supportive of whatever decision I made. I joking asked him to take my last name (but mine is 16 letters and his is 5). Because of the length of my name it was out of the question to hyphenate (it would never fit on any forms!). If we do have children, they will have my last name (after all, I grew them inside me for 9 months) and my husband thinks that is great.
Keeping (or changing) names is such a personal couple decision. I think you both have to be okay with whatever you decide. Otherwise it becomes a source of resentment down the road. I think the idea of dropping one of his last name and both of you having a new double barrelled last name sounds ideal!