Post # 1
My FH and I will have been together for almost 5 years when we get married next year. During this time we have accumulated a LOT of house stuff and have very, very few things that we would need to start a household. What we do need is help with a down payment on a house. We have a decent chunk of change saved up, but myself being a finance grad, wants to have a minimum of 20% down. I do not expect that we would get anything near that if we did proceed with this idea, but every little bit would help.
We are having folks RSVP via our wedding website, which will have a host of information on it, including directions, pictures, hotels nearby and our registry. I thought that maybe we should register for the few things we need in a few different stores, and then within the registry page that has all of the links to the stores also have a link to some website where folks can make a donation to our house fund. I have seen people do such for a “honeymoon” fund, and I was personally not offended, especially since they also had options for gifts (though I chose to make the donation as I understand the struggle). What do you all think? Is this totally inconsiderate and tacky? If so, what do we do? Just end up with a bunch of stuff/random store gift cards we don’t need and will never use?
Post # 2
If you have what you need, why even do a registry? We didn’t do a registry and people gave us money as wedding gifts. We didn’t get anything other than cards and money.
If you don’t do a registry, guests will get the idea.
Post # 3
Yes it’s tacky and rude
I’m there to celebrate your relationship not fund your house. At least a honeyfund has something vaguely to do with the wedding.
Don’t register, you’ll get cash. Put it towards a deposit. OR don’t get married and use your wedding money for a house
And omg what a hardship if you got “random vouchers”. Cry me a river
Post # 4
You’ll get a variety of answers here. It has a lot to do with your guests and how much stock you put in proper etiquette. Personally I think the best thing to do is register for very limited items, don’t advertise your registry, and only give it out to those who ask. If I don’t get a registry with a wedding invite, I assume they want cash and I’m more than happy to do that since they’re not outright asking. When I get an invite that specifically asks for cash (not in those words, but you know, those invites with poems about how they have all the pots and pans they need) I get annoyed, though I do still give them the cash.
Post # 5
Just don’t register for things if you aren’t having a shower–people will gift you cash.
Post # 6
I would be a little dettered if I was contributing to someones mortgage. I dont think it is appropriate to mention it. If people give you cash then by all means, put it towards it. But I’d rather not know that a mortgage was where it was going.
Post # 7
I don’t understand all this crap about people demanding to spend their money on stuff for your house that you don’t want or need because it’s “better manners” than buying you something you’d actually appreciate. If they really love you they should completely understand why a house is what you want most of all. But if it’s what you really want I wouldn’t also register at the other places, I’d make a note explaining why you’ve elected to go with a nontraditional request. If someone told me they’d take either a cake tray or a house fund contribution, I’d probably go cake tray because honestly if they’d put those two on the same level I wouldn’t think they’re that serious about the house.
I think the way the honeymoon funds are set up is great because people can really see what they’re contributing to. Eg, my $100 went specifically toward a dinner or a flight or whatever. Randomly throwing a small amount of cash at a huge downpayment may not feel very good for them or they might not believe that’s really how it’ll be used. So maybe you can give some specific targets? Like home inspection, deposit, moving truck, one month of Home insurance, etc? Those closing costs are pretty killer but can be easily divided into little costs you can put a name to.
One thing we asked for when we moved/got married was Home Depot and Ace gift certificates. People seemed to like buying them more than giving cash, and seriously as a new homeowner who elected to save money by purchasing an “imperfect” house, those gift cards are gold. Paint is expensive, y’all.
Alternately, you could always ask for a honeymoon fund and then use the money you would have spent on the honeymoon, on your down payment? Depending on how expensive your honeymoon was going to be.
Post # 8
Just don’t register if all you want is money. We did not register at all and received 2 gifts, the rest was all cash.
Post # 9
12_Elle : I thought about doing that but it seems a little false to me. We already have our honeymoon money tucked away. I appreciate all of your suggestions though!
Post # 10
Sansa85 : That is a great idea, thanks!
Post # 11
Verrryyy tacky. Skip the registry.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t do it personally. I wouldn’t say it’s tacky but it is just not something that i would do. I know the people and family that I know would make your ears ring with how much they would be talking about you. lol…Seriously, do not have a registry. People will give you money…
Post # 14
This would not offend me. I think it’s tacky when someone writes a little poem about wanting money or otherwise specifies what they expect as a gift. However, if you have the “house-fund” in addition to other registry items it would not phase me in the least. If you don’t need other items, then I agree with PPs that just not having a registry will result in cash and then you can use that for your house-fund.
My opinion is not in line with etiquette however, so keep that in mind.
Post # 15
Yes, it is tacky.
Just don’t register. People will give you cash. You can use that cash for whatever your heart desires, including whatever you would have put on the registry and your down payment. Everyone already knows cash is super awesome – they don’t need to be told.