Is adding a house fund to your registry tacky?

posted 2 years ago in Money
Post # 16
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

12_Elle :  Your $100 did not go directly to a dinner out or ziplining or whatever.  The honeyfund company simply sends the couple a cheque, minus a commission, and they can do whatever they like with the money.  So the couple didn’t even get $100 from you, despite that being what you gave – they got $96.50 or whatever.

OP, just don’t register.  People will get the idea and give you cash.

Post # 17
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Yes, it’s tacky

Post # 18
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Yes very tacky

Post # 19
Member
9044 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

stlkennedy92 :  The irony of being a finance grad and then paying a website to collect money for you.

Honestly I feel that people who pay a fee to a company to do something they can easily do themselves for free shows a terrible lack of money sense and I wouldn’t be giving them money, same as I wouldn’t give an addit money. Don’t register and if people ask just say you are saving for a househouse. 

Also it is not a donation.

Post # 20
Member
670 posts
Busy bee

Etiquette is based on what’s acceptable in your region/culture, basically the general norm. If this is something common where you live then go for it. If it’s something that’s deeply frowned upon in your social circles, it will come off as tacky. On my side of the family, people give money with the expectation that it goes towards a down payment or something significant for the house. On DH’s side that was a foreign, almost faux paux concept so I’m sure it was a bit awkward when we provided both a registry and mention of our down payment on our wedding website. Since we were in the middle of actively looking at houses it made sense to everyone in DH’s family and they ended all giving cash. As for if you don’t have a registry people will know to give cash, I don’t think that’s always the case. I have two friends who did this and it backfired immensely. 

Post # 21
Member
12102 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

It’s rude and inappropriate.

The polite spin behind a registry, which itself is still disapproved by more traditional etiquette is that it’s a list of things the couple is collecting. Guests have to find  it for themselves either by asking someone close or looking it up themselves. Obviously no one makes a public plea for money they want for a home. That’s just glorified begging. 

If there’s nothing material you need, then you need not register at all. The farthest you can go if asked directly is to tell people you are not registered, rather you are saving, yourselves that is, for X. 

You and your Fiance are the only people responsible for your cost of living expenses and lifestyle choices. That includes paying for your home and your luxury vacation. 

Post # 22
Member
742 posts
Busy bee

I’m of both opinions actually…

Yes, telling people to donate to a house fund is super tacky.

HOWEVER… we didn’t do a registry, assuming people would get the hint. They didnt. We ended up with SO MUCH in physical household gifts that we actually had to purge our own stuff just to make it all fit. 

Maybe just write “non physical gifts appreciated”?

Post # 23
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

It’s tacky and tasteless. “Hey! Come celebrate a day with all things us AND help me pay my bills!”. 

Just no. 

Dont become one of those entitled brides. 

Post # 24
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

Yes bee, it’s tacky. Just don’t have a registry people will get it. 

Darling Husband and I are also saving for our first home. In our thank you cards for everyone who gifted us cash, I did mention that their gift was going towards our first home. 

Post # 25
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee

in here people put bank info to invitations and people then make bank transfer straigh to the account. this is generally accepted in here. I’m petty I know but knowing that my gift will buy you a house would annoy me. i just have a problem with defining what the money will be used for. as long as you don’t say that it is for a downpayment I’m fine even if you used it  for that.

Post # 26
Member
889 posts
Busy bee

It wouldnt bother me in the slightest, if anything I would be happy that I can get the couple something that they actually want and need. I dont get why people get so bent out of shape with this kind of thing. I mean it’s not like you would attend a wedding empty handed so what difference does it make?

Post # 27
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t mind at all to donate to a house fund. I mean, what better way to support and celebrate a marriage than to contribute to the couples future home!

Post # 28
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

yeah, I dont think its appropriate to treat the wedding like a fundraiser! Youre not a charity case (I hope!). You could just not register and youll likely end up with cash.

Post # 29
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

I personally don’t understand wedding gifts. By the time I’ve made it to your wedding I may/may not have sent an engagement gift, attended an engagement party, a bachelorette party/weekend (easily costing me hundreds), bought a dress for the wedding, travelled to the wedding, paid for accommodation. I am not a person with a lot of money… by the time I get to your wedding could be 500-1000 deep.

I’ve never given a wedding gift, only a card. I aspire to one day be able to give a gift, but that ain’t me currently or at any point in the past ten years.

Post # 30
Member
13589 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would give this some major side-eye. 

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