Is adding a house fund to your registry tacky?

posted 2 years ago in Money
Post # 31
Member
3184 posts
Sugar bee

I’d probably be inclined to give you less if you had a poem or a house fund set up. Wouldn’t you rather get a check or cash? Those things always take a percentage as well. 

Post # 32
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

Yes, it’s tacky to ask wedding guests to pay your bills/mortgage. It’s glorified begging under the guise of a wedding gift.

What kind of entitled society are we living in where we are blatantly asking other people (some probably stuggling to put a down payment themselves) to help us buy a house?

Lots of couple live-in together these days and have too many household appliances, etc. or don’t require any. If this is the case, just don’t register at all, or say ‘non-physical gifts preferred’.

 

Post # 33
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee

I think it is very tacky.

As a guest attending your wedding, I would think to myself if they want a house so bad, why are they spending this money on a wedding when they could spend $100 at a courthouse and be marriarried? 

If you want a house you should prioritize your savings for the downpayment. If you want a wedding and all the bells and whistles, expect your house will have to wait. Don’t ask your guests to pay for it. Especially as some guests are not even home owners. 

Post # 34
Member
7916 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

j_jaye :  +1000. Paying a commission to beg for money is ridiculous. Plus, if a couple has enough money for a wedding and a honeymoon then they have enough for a downpayment. It’s all about how you choose to spend your cash!

Post # 35
Member
12127 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

It’s not at all relevant because it’s zero excuse or justification for begging, but as an aside not all couples can afford a down payment just because they had a nice wedding. Sometimes weddings are hosted by parents. If the funds didn’t go to the wedding, it would not necessarily be available to spend on a house. 

Also, it is every bit as tacky and inappropriate to write “non-physical gifts preferred.” One is not supposed to be thinking about gifts or dictating to people what you find acceptable to receive in any way, let alone outright asking for money. 

Again, a registry is only approved, barely, because it is allegedly your own list of things you are collecting for the home. It is not “addressed” to your guests, rather people have to seek it out to find it, either by word of mouth or a discreet link on a website. Not to mention, people are always free to buy you anything  they want, on or off registry.

Post # 36
Member
626 posts
Busy bee

I personally see a difference between a honeymoon fund and a house fund. And I do think a house fund is tacky. With a honeymoon fund, people traditionally buy something specific, such as ‘candlelit dinner on the beach’ or ‘sunset drinks.’ I think people that want a registry want to give something specific. People who just give cash, however, don’t care what the money is earmarked for.

Therefore, I would register for the few things you need, and when those are all taken, let other people bring cash or checks.

Post # 37
Member
12127 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

bear123 :  Actually that is part of the scam that are honeymoon funds. People only think they are paying for that candlelit dinner or excursion when the couple is actually receiving cold hard cash. They could just as well be using that money to shop for groceries. 

Post # 38
Member
2554 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I don’t see anything wrong with posting this kind of info (including a honeyfund type deal) on your wedding website.  I cringe when it’s on invitations, but wedding websites are completely ok imo.

If it were me, I’d be inclined to just not register at all and post any info on the website.  This gives a clear message that you prefer cash without going into details.  I don’t know if you intended to explain why you were registered for a house fund, like you did in your post, but it would kind of rub me the wrong way.  I’d be like, “so?  join the club of every other person that got married later in life, has everything they need, and is now saving up for a house.”   

Post # 39
Member
613 posts
Busy bee

stlkennedy92 :  I haven’t read through other people’s answers, but I really don’t think it is tacky.  I also don’t think honey funds are tacky. 

I live in an area where “registry gifts” are traditionally shower gifts and cash is generally given as a wedding gift.

You know your circle, depending on what the norm is in your area, you can set up a house fund for either just the shower, or the shower and the wedding, if box gifts tend to be more traditional in your area.

You can always just spread it word of mouth, if you think it will be an issue.

Post # 40
Member
626 posts
Busy bee

weddingmaven :  That’s true, I’m sure some do. I, however, wouldn’t, and would be happy to include a little story in my thank you note about how much we enjoyed the ATV ride that my Aunt Sally got for us. But obviously not everyone honors what it is earmarked for.

Post # 41
Member
1507 posts
Bumble bee

Beyond tacky

Post # 42
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

The main reason it bothers me is that the services that typically do this…honeyfund, etc, take a fee from what your guest is giving you. So you’re actually cheating yourself out of money anyways. 

Just don’t register, or register for things you need, and everyone else will more than likely give you a check anyways. 

Post # 43
Member
2054 posts
Buzzing bee

Add me to the chorus of people who say skip this. We did not do a registry and mainly got cash + a few gifts

Post # 44
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

This wouldn’t both me at all. In fact, I think it’s the most reasonable and logical thing to ask for. I hate wasting my money on stupid pointless gifts like decor or things they could buy themselves and I’d rather it go towards something really meaningful.  

Post # 45
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

beevincent18 :   Didn’t think of this but yes, maybe just not making a registry would give people the hint of giving cash. That way, you don’t need to pay any fees.

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