(Closed) Is any amount of bugging the SO ok while waiting?!

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
10223 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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mrsaime :  

I’ll cosign that.

And I cringed again about OP’s bf saying that if she questions him, she will have to wait longer.  Someone on Team Boyfriend, please explain how that is not treating the OP like a child.

Post # 32
Member
10223 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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poppinbottles :  

Context would give you clarity.  Check out OP’s previous threads about her bf.

Post # 33
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141 posts
Blushing bee

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elderbee :  

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sassy411 :  

Context certainly does give clarity. Apologies for jumping to conclusions elderbee and saying you (and others) were being haters.

I couldn’t understand why on the basis on OP’s post there was so much negativity. Yes, a couple of the things she describes don’t sound awesome, but aren’t necessarily the worst on face value — it seemed like bees were interpretting in the worst way they could rather than giving the benefit of the doubt. Now I understand why they were not. 

Post # 34
Member
2424 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I haven’t read any of the OP’s previous posts, and obviously I don’t know the OP’s boyfriend in order to provide any insight to him, but I agree with those who say there is no scenario ever where it’s appropriate to say “now that you’ve bugged me about the proposal, I am arbitrarily pushing it back to a later date.”. I don’t care if he wants it to be a grand surprise, talking to her as if he’s her father and she’s whining about when she can get out of the timeout corner is so incredibly out of line.

Post # 35
Member
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Yikes OP. It sounds like all you want is for the bees to blow sunshine up your ass about this situation, but most of us don’t have the stomach for it.

So many things wrong with your posts. It’s appalling that your boyfriend would “punish” you for asking about your own future by delaying the proposal even further. From all your updates, I get a really gross vibe like your boyfriend is the authority figure in your relationship and you’re a passenger or a child even that has to sit tight and behave yourself if you want the reward of getting engaged to him. But if that kinda dynamic works for you, more power to you and very best wishes.

Post # 36
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10223 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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poppinbottles :  

I truly respect your ability to do a course correction.

Post # 37
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

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sassy411 :  Thank you. I’ve had a lot of practice — I am often wrong embarassed

Post # 38
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

I was in your spot last year and tbh the best thing I did for myself was take a break from the bee for a little while.  Once I stopped constantly feeding my brain wedding wedding wedding, the anxiety dissipated.  And then once I got my ring I was super excited to come back lol

Post # 39
Member
2424 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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sassy411 :  “Someone on Team Boyfriend, please explain how that is not treating the OP like a child.”

 

I really hope someone answers this. One might be able to rationalize some of the behaviors described in this post, but I am drawing a blank on how to defend this particular one. I can maybe see if the boyfriend had planned to propose at coincidentally the EXACT moment the OP asked him about it, and decided to postpone the proposal for a short time, so OP wouldn’t think it was because she brought it up that he did it, but then she wouldn’t know that and there would be no reason to tell her, at least until after he had proposed for real.

 

Saying, now that you’ve asked me, you’ll have to wait even longer- I can think of no explanation that makes him look good. But I am morbidly curious if anyone else can.

Post # 40
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

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Tatum :  Not saying I am “Team Boyfriend” as others just pointed out that there’s much more context to this post I wasn’t aware of…

But I guess I interpretted it as good-natured teasing that the OP wasn’t REALLY taking seriously and just griping about in her discussion of how to take her mind off things. As in the BF has a proposal plan in mind and he’s just saying that to the OP to diffuse her constant questions in a lighthearted way, not actually pushing back when he plans to propose everytime she mentions it. That would be crazy. I guess I assumed the best intentions as this would be something cruel to do to someone you love (and I would assume he loved her if he bought her a ring and planned to propose and wouldn’t be cruel).

Lots of assumptions.

Post # 41
Member
2424 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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poppinbottles :  OK, if he’s just kidding, fine (although given her anxiety over the whole thing, I would say it wasn’t funny. But not funny is not the same thing as malicious).

I wasn’t there when he said it. But when OP described it, I did not get the impression she took it as a lighthearted joke, but rather a warning not to keep bringing it up, lest she have to wait even longer.

 

ETA- from page 2:

“I’ve calmed down only because he said my constant questions will make him take longer.”

 

I don’t think OP is taking his words as a joke.

Post # 42
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

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Tatum :  Yeah, I guess that just would be so outlandish to me to actually punish you Girlfriend that way it didn’t even come to mind.

Last year when I was somewhat briefing “waiting” for a proposal and knew it was coming soon I too was trying not to mention anything about it and take my mind off of it, just to give Fiance some space and to not be obsessed with engagement/wedding things. Not that he told me not to mention it or he would push it back or anything like that. 

I remember feeling excited but also very anxious — it’s a big moment! — and was starting to drive myself crazy and spiral into irrationality. Once the proposal came it was really amazing and all feels silly now. Thought the OP was in a similar situation. Might have projected that.

Post # 43
Member
2424 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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poppinbottles :  “Yeah, I guess that just would be so outlandish to me to actually punish you Girlfriend that way it didn’t even come to mind.”

Well, this is actually a good thing, right? :). Punishing your girlfriend for daring to ask about her future should be an outlandish thought. Unfortunately, in this case, I don’t see a lot of evidence that it is.

Post # 44
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t bring it up at all, obviously he doesn’t want to feel pressured. Be chill and make him earn your excitement. 

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