(Closed) Is any amount of bugging the SO ok while waiting?!

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

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sdarrach25 :  you have to take into consideration that posters here don’t actually know you or your boyfriend, and reading the things you’ve said about this situation does make him seem like an ass. Perhaps try reading your posts objectively—as someone who is on the outside looking in the with absolutely no prior insight to your situation—and you may understand why you’re getting some of these concerned/harsh responses.

 

that being said, I don’t think you should let those responses deter you from posting in the future, but you may need to add some sort of disclaimer or backstory into your relationship so he won’t seem like such a bad guy. 

 

Best wishes on your upcoming proposal 🙂

Post # 47
Member
10223 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

If it were all about light hearted banter, OP wouldn’t be posting it here.  Bf’s track record speaks for itself.

Post # 49
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee

WB is very honest community. It can be supportive or unsupportive. Everyone goes with the information they are given.

there is a difference between “my boyfriend says that if I ask when we will get engaged, he will postpone the proposal” and “I’m so excited for him to propose and we both want it to be a surprise. I’m just so excited that I ask every day. he even jokes that i will have to wait longer so that the suprise can be protected. He is so worried that he will give any details when I ask him. it’s so sweet.” two very different images in my opinion. this was pretty much the difference between your first messages and last message.

Post # 50
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

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sdarrach25 :  If you’re trying not to bring it up, do a search on this site for the SIUP – the Shut It Up Pact.  It used to be a thing on the waiting boards.  Kind of a lighthearted pact on how to stop bringing it up all the time, and I think there was even a financial penalty.

Post # 51
Member
2722 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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sdarrach25 :  I think rez123 hit the nail on the head.  Your update about light hearted banter about your boyfriend not wanting you to know the details is waaaaay different than your original post.  Even the title of your post, asking if any amount of “bugging” is OK while you’re waiting, to me shows that you are cognizent that you’re bugging him.

Your thread about your boyfriend not wanting you to wear your ring at work made him look like a jerk…until you updated that you may actually damage your ring at work and that’s why he was worried.  You are painting a different picture of him from the beggining of your post compared to your updates, where you backtrack and say he’s not a bad guy.  It’s not surprising then that you’re getting the responses you’re getting.

To answer your actual question, no, I wouldn’t bug him until it’s been several months and he still hasn’t proposed, and only if I knew for certain the ring was in his possession.  I personally hate when guys wait months and months (and in some cases years) to propose once they get a ring.  While I understand waiting for a special date or occassion, I think guys underestimate the amount of stress it puts on the waiting ladies.  Not “bugging” doesn’t mean you don’t have a say in your future however.  If he truly is dangling the ring over you like a carrot, then is that really the type of guy you want to be with?

I don’t know what kind of guy your boyfriend is.  Is he the one with the playfull banter, or he is the one dangling the carrot?  Be honest with yourself…

Post # 52
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

You said “I already stated that I didn’t want to discuss it with a group of strangers on the internet” re the sex/cow thing…but YOU brought it up!!! I don’t randomly ask people about their sex life – you brought it up and it was unusual enough that I felt it warranted clarification.  YOU brought it up.  I also never said or implied he was a piece of shit lol. Presume that was for someone else.
PS – I would still love to know what the sex act is.  Has to be oral. Or anal I guess. I think after waiting 4 years+ for it, its gotta be a let down no matter what it is lol, been built up too much.

Post # 53
Member
10651 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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poppinbottles :  

That’s OK , I always  admire a person who can give a gracious apology,  and  you obviously had OP’s good at  heart.  

Post # 54
Member
10651 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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ozbee :   

 “I think after waiting 4 years+ for it, its gotta be a let down no matter what it is lol, been built up too much.” 

I know , right  !   Apparently   Henry VIII felt the same  with Anne Boleyn  . ‘All those years of waiting and in the end, it ‘s just another woman in a bed  ‘ , he is reputed to have said. Ah well, at least  OP  and bf can’t end as badly as that did ….

Post # 55
Member
10223 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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sdarrach25 :  

All I have to go on is your previous threads.

Post # 56
Member
10223 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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sdarrach25 :  

 When you post your story on a public forum, seeking opinions and advice from others, you don’t get to dictate:  but I only want to hear opinions that make me feel good.

This post has a bit of a flounce flavor—if we don’t shape up, you won’t play with us anymore.

Bee, I have not seen mean spirited messages in this thread.  I’ve seen women reaching out and offering you their views on your situation.  Whatever negative images the Bees have of your bf are coming from your own postings, both in this thread and your previous threads about him.  

Post # 57
Member
26 posts
Newbee

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sdarrach25 :  I think it’s REALLY unfair to attack your relationship I’m sorry. I think the other bees on here are being incredibly unfair in fact. But don’t let it put a downer on your happy time! I too have an amazing boyfriend too who teases when giving me hints and also asked me to keep the questions to a minimum. I don’t think this is BAD at all. He’s simply trying to keep you aware of the impending engagement while maintaining the romance. Why assume the negative?? I think it says more about their own relationships than YOURS.

Also, be honest, you know if he gave you more to chew on you’d probably make his life a misery searching for more clues 🤣. My mum told me to leave the poor man alone cause I’m like a dog with a bone 😂. 

 

Just relax and enjoy the anticipation, remember don’t be your own worst enemy and let yourself go with the flow. If your burning for answers talk to your girlfriends or on here (ignore the negative remarks) plenty of us feel your excitement!!! 

Post # 58
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

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sdarrach25 :  My husband had the ring for our entire relationship because it is a family heirloom. 😉 He started talking to my BFF in December of 2015 and didn’t propose until July of 2016. It was a good thing he proposed then because I told him we were having our wedding that December with or without a ring. XD This was okay because we lived 5 hours apart and just wanted to be married already. Lol. I know exactly how maddening it is. The best advice I can give you is to be patient with him and yourself and obsess over wedding ideas until it happens. You can get an idea for where you want it, time of day, budget, etc…without having an actual date (usually). I planned a wedding for 140 people in just under 6 months because I did a lot of research beforehand. In fact, for the most part, I wasn’t even stressed.

Edit: I feel I should add that he was talking to my BFF to get ideas for the proposal. Lol

Post # 59
Member
10651 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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lovebee15 :  

Whilst I kind of admire your attempts to stay positive , in the face of ‘ teasing’  and being to told to shup up your questions about the progress of your (joint)   life,  in  order to ‘keep the romance alive’ ( wtf!?) you don’t seem to have read OP’s past history with this guy……in fact you don’t seem to have even even read her first  post here . Hardly happy and secure !

Post # 60
Member
1814 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

In my opinion I think it’s wrong to bug someone until they propose let him do it on his time. If you don’t want to wait until he’s ready then you propose to him 

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