Post # 32
I am so happy to read this thread… I feel like many of us probably worry we’re being too demanding if we ask for help with anything or ask anyone else to pay for anything- I know I do. The whole idea of having a wedding with fancy things is so outside the norm of my daily life that I was stalled for months in making any decisions because I didn’t want to be demanding or inconvenience anyone… and my family and fiance’s family and fiance are so accomodating and supportive that they just kind of leave the decisions up to me, even things I’m not paying for, and it makes me feel so worried that they think I’m demanding now that I’m making decisions about details of things….
You guys brought up good points about meanness and entitledness vs. emotionalness and decisiveness…. you know, to me, the biggest thing I think is lacking in what I imagine is a “Bridezilla” is compassion. A lot of us these days scoff at the idea of the 1950’s female ‘ideal’ – the good ‘hostess’ (including me), but wedding planning made me realize that a big part of being a good hostess (and what was taught in those days in etiquette books, magazines) is having compassion for your guests and caring about making them happy. Not so much just so you look great, but so that everyone is comfortable and has a good time. It’s a hard balance to strike though between making people comfortable and making your guests comfortable at the expense of those around you like your family and bridal party.
And gratitude is another big thing that’s missing in the ‘zilla’… one of the things that touched me so much about the first post is just that swanks4tw has so much gratitude…. I hope we can all be more like that 🙂
Post # 33
I think the one that irks me most is:
Bride: “I am planning this thing that I think is awesome, but is really inconsiderate to and inconvenient for my guests. It will probably cost them a lot of money, too. Some of my guests are upset about this! Some of them aren’t coming!”
Chorus: “It’s Your Day! If they want to be there, they will!”
The subtext, of course, being that anyone that doesn’t take a week off work and spend a couple grand to go see you exchange vows with your beloved at your absolute favorite remote Himalayan ashram just doesn’t love you that much. Because otherwise they’d be happy to do this for you.
Post # 34
Thanks girls! I’m glad to know I’m not alone here 🙂
@CookieBee I don’t think anyone is saying that they don’t have stress moments, or even freak-out moments. Heck, I was freaking out a few days ago when I found out that some of the invitations went out with just reply cards and no actual invitations. Did I freak out? Uh yeah! Did I round up all my friends and family who helped us with invitations and verbally assault them? Of course not. Sure, my Future Sister-In-Law may have caused an embarassing bump in the road (not saying it was her, I have no idea) but is it worth it to hurt a relationship over something that will not matter in the slightest a year from now? It’s like TankGirl said. It’s the sense of entitlement to act like a Queen B*
And Elvis, the “it’s your day” chorus isn’t just on the bee. Whenever I’m talking to family about the wedding and I’m not sure what will be best for my guests I get the “it’s your day” speech. Yes, I know it’s my day. But if I wasn’t concerned about my guests I would save a lot of time and money and we’d go down to the courthouse. Or maybe just have the religious ceremony I want and no reception. But I actually really love my guests and want them to enjoy themselves. I know I can’t bend over backwards to make every single person happy, but I can be thoughtful of my guests as a whole.
Post # 35
@Treejewel19: Bridezilla as in control freak, I’m not a mean person nor would I be a mean bride.
I’m with ya on that, Tree. I get wigged out if I feel as though something important to me is out of my control. Well put.
Post # 36
No, I know it’s not just here. It’s all over the place.
Post # 37
Great post. I really think my issue isn’t so much that people freak out, but they make no attempt to express it like adults. I feel like in most other situations, people attempt to control themselves even when something upsets them, but somehow a lot of brides don’t try. They feel entitled to go off in the deep end and yell at everyone around them about everytihng. All th eweddings I have attended with mega-zillas were drama filled weddings. I really think the bride sets the tone for how teh day goes down, so people who want perfection should think twice about being mean to people in order to achieve it.
Post # 38
True, there are some. I would assume that even though your money is seperate you communicate large purchases and budget decisions to ensure that all can be paid for, right?
I guess it just sounds strage to say that your Fiance is paying for something and disregard the cost thinking it has no bearing on your personal finances. Even if they are seperate they are still connected in a way.
@miss sparkly cat:
I agree. As Moja Milosc
said “Zilla is in the eye of the beholder” and I completely agree.
I do think there is a distinct difference in having opinions and hoping for some level of perfection versus disregarding everyone’s feelings to get your way. There is always a nice way of going about things and I think the key to the current definition of a Bridezilla is a woman who tramples anything that is in her path down the aisle.
That being said my Fiance teases me about being a Zilla. When I talked to him about it last night (spurred by this post) he said in all honesty he is teasing and I have been calm and collected so far. Again, I thank my wedding planner as any issues she deals with and I never feel the need to “lose control” for any reason. I am determined to have my dream wedding and at the same time equally determined to have a cheery and considerate disposition. I do not think it is a one or the other scenario.
Post # 39
mishmisha, that was really sweet of you to say 🙂 Probably my general sense of grattitude comes from being one of 6 children of a cop and a stay-at-home mom. I’m used to hand-me-downs and lots of elbow grease.