- 6 years ago
This is going to be a long one, just a warning!
I love my Mom, but for the past couple years she has really been changing in ways that are hard for me to deal with. It started out when she took a job that was way below what she was used to being paid. She said up and down that it was such a great company that the pay cut was worth it, that she would adapt, etc. She still makes a lot of money, but she has always been horrible with money. Before she got paid so much that it wasn’t a big deal, but now she can’t afford her lifestyle. This has devolved into her constantly borrowing money from my siblings and I. It is extremely frustrating because she has gotten more and more manipulative about it. She always asks for money from me for my siblings, because she knows I’ll turn her down for anything other than that. We’re talking in the thousands of dollars per year. I have paid for my siblings past year of birthdays and emergencies, and she has never paid me back or told them that I am the one financing everything. I would tell them myself, but I just don’t have the heart to tell them because I know how much it would hurt them to hear.
She is also a drama queen. Anytime something is going on in her life she needs constant support and reassurance. She chronically overshares her dating life, and gets really upset when we don’t respond in a way she considers supportive enough. I have had a lot of life changes recently and despite me asking her to call me over and over she won’t. She just doesn’t want to talk to me unless she’s asking for money or venting about her life.
She is also extremely jealous of my relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law. Anytime I go out to see her my Mom gets really upset that I’m not seeing her instead and says that I should be as supportive of her as I am of Future Mother-In-Law. Not only do I live much closer to my Future Mother-In-Law, she has breast cancer. So yes, I do see her more in order to be supportive of her. I can talk to my Mom on the phone about her problems, I can’t help my Future Mother-In-Law from a distance. My Mom acts like her latest work drama is on par with my FMIL’s cancer, and it makes me really mad. She never offers to drive out to see me instead, or meet me on my side of the state even.
My Mom wasn’t always like this, and I miss who she used to be. She used to be so empathetic and fun to be around, now she’s just a source of stress and sadness. I don’t know how to deal with it. I know that she is going to be furious that we’re visiting Future Mother-In-Law on Mother’s day instead of her, but we had friends coming into town that weekend who had planned it well in advance and we couldn’t possibly make it across the state and back in a day.
Do any of you bees have difficult relationships with your mother? What do you do? How do you handle holidays specifically?
Sorry if this is all over the place, I just am really bummed out today. :/