Post # 1
I feel like I am inconveniencing them even though I haven’t really asked anything from them. Here is the run down on all 4 right now:
BM1: lives out of town but has been super easy to work with on dresses and stuff
BM2: super helpful, always there when I need her, has come over 3 times to help me with stuff with no complaints and we had fun
BM3: pain in my butt on dresses. I found one for under $150 and she complained about the price (didn’t mention at the beginning of dress shopping) didn’t offer other suggestions either, just being difficult. Her son and daughter are in the wedding too, I picked out their outfits and paid for them because she was being a pain. Came over only once to help with stuff for 1.5 hours and said, “let’s get this wedding over with, I’ve got a graduation party to plan!” and complained and stressed me out the whole 1.5 hours she was there.
MOH: you would think she would be most helpful but she’s not. She doesn’t seem to be supporting my ideas or wants for my wedding. I told her I want to make the flower girl dresses, she went out and bought her daughter’s dress, I still have to do something for the other one now but I think it will look funny to make her tulle one and have the other plain white Dillard’s dress for the other girl. She has only helped me a couple of times and is always in a rush to get things done and doesn’t listen to what I say and tries to find cheesy shortcuts to get through it quicker (ex: I am making fabric flower bouquets for the girls and she said just make a couple of them and use fake hydrangeas as filler). When I first got engaged she talked about how excited she was to do crafts together and plan everything and she seemed really interested but now she doesn’t help with anything and it is a source of anxiety for me to even think about inviting her over to do things.
Has anyone else experienced this? Any words of advice or encouragement? I know communication is key so I am going to say something to the difficult ones but I guess I just needed to rant.
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
@tanya4285: This happened to me too. And pretty much every single bride I know.. What you have to keep in mind, and it sucks, is literally no one cares about your wedding as much as you do. People are busy and in general disintersted. :/
Post # 4
@tanya4285: yep…in fact, do we have the same bridesmaids? lol
Post # 5
My bridesmaids and man were awesome. Of course, the only support I needed was for them to order their dresses and tux.
Lower your expectations. The only thing they need to do is buy their dress and show up on time. If they offer to help, great. But you shouldn’t be mad if they don’t.
As far as the FG dress goes, I’d tell her that you have something else in mind and buy/make it.
Post # 6
My MoH has sent a grand total of 20 text messages since between Christmas and now. My wedding is in three weeks and I still don’t know if she ever bothered to get her alterations done because she won’t answer her phone or reply to texts.
My sisters are my other two bridesmaids and while not necessarily helpful (I didn’t actually ask them for any sort of help) they haven’t been a pain in the ass either.
Post # 7
@jbh13: I am trying to lower my expectations the problem is that I didn’t expect or ask anything of them. It is something they offered and haven’t done so I think that is my issue. The BM that lives out of town didn’t promise anything and hasn’t really done anything and that is fine. But my MOH ended up being like a politician… lots of promises with very little delivery… 😉
Post # 8
@roguehnp2005: This made me laugh. 🙂
Thanks for making me feel better!
Post # 9
@tanya4285: The only person obligated to help you with your wedding is your FI and any paid employees (wedding planners etc). If someone offers help great but expecting other people to do tasks for your wedding is a bit rude in my opinion.
Did you ask each girl individually what their dress budget was? Because if you didn’t then I think it is a bit unfair to be questioning the BM who said that the dress was too expensive. She is telling you that the dress is out of her budget so why are you not listening?
As for your MOH purchsing a FG dress I think you should ask her to return it and stick to your plan of making and paying for the dresses yourself.
I understand that your wedding is your number 1 priority but you need to understand that YOUR wedding is not the number 1 priority for anyone else. In fact it probably isn’t their 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th priority either.
Post # 10
@tanya4285: I went through the whole “bridesmaid” thing probably 20x. In the end everything was amazing, I got married and none of the drama/lack of “whatever” meant a thing. The worry/stress was wasted effort. I remember getting so caught up in the bridesmaid thing and I wish I hadnt so thats my best piece of advice. Just be as graceful as you can and all will be well!
Post # 11
@tanya4285: this is exactly why i didn’t ask for any help from anyone. i do understand what it’s like though because your wedding is your only focus right now, i get that. i remember. unfortunately, everyone else could quite frankly care less. they have their own lives to worry about, especially the ones with families.
do yourself a favour, if you want something done, do it yourself. don’t rely on people who cannot be reliable. it will make you crazy. it sounds like it already is.
i do find it odd that your moh already bought a dress without your approval. is it nice?
Post # 12
@mypinkshoes: it’s nice but not what I wanted and not refundable. It sucks because she knew exactly what I wanted but it’s like she just doesn’t listen to me So now I still want to make the dresses but I fell like a jerk for doing it.
Post # 13
@j_jaye: I think you should read my whole post before leaving snarky comments. I don’t expect anything from anyone, she offered multiple times but hasn’t delivered. I’m not ruse for ranting and getting things of my chest.
Post # 14
@tanya4285: When did they offer? Back when you got engaged? Everyone does that because they are excited in that moment. 3 months down the track and life takes over and the excitement over someone elses big event goes away. I find it rude that you are holding it against them that they haven’t helped out period. It doesn’t matter what they offered, when you asked them to help on specific days they have said no. End of story. They have lives of their own and doing someone elses wedding prep is not their concern or priority.
You say you aren’t expecting anything from them, then why are you ranting? By ranting you are saying that you do expect them to help out.
As I said this is your wedding and your responsibility. Lower your expectations of others and don’t hold it against other people if they think folding your invites or putting together your favours is a waste of their time and a low priority.
Post # 15
You have two bridesmaids that are being amazing, supportive, and helpful. You also have two bridesmaids that aren’t meeting your expectations. I think you’re pretty lucky that you have the other two- that are quite frankly going above and beyond their bridesmaid duties. Plenty of people offer to help, and not many follow-up on those offers. That is usually how it goes. I think you should lower your expectations, and only do the projects that you and your fiance can accomplish together, that should help alleviate the stress. If anyone helps outside of the two of you, consider that a happy bonus.
Post # 16
This why I won’t be asking for help from any of my BMS one day. Besides I don’t need the extra opinions on decisoins I will make. Im currently a MOH in a wedding and I’m talking to her everday if not every other day. It’s a little over whelming I have a life too. I love my best friend but my weekends are getting booked very quickly with wedding planning. I wouldn’t take it so personal. You could do without the drama. I feel if people need that much help with their wedding they should hire a wedding planner.
You’ll be fine with out all those other opinions. One thing I’ve always said is people need to leave the bride and groom alone when it comes to wedding planning. If you want something or have a look then people should respect that it’s not their wedding after all.