is anyone else scared to have a baby because of post-preg body changes?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 92
Member
561 posts
Busy bee

@kmaemu:  I am VERY nervous too! I am currently 11w and just starting to get a bump (which, might I add, is FREAKING ME OUT). It also doesn’t help that I have been so tired/sick I can’t get myself moving! (I am usually very active)

 

The positive that I keep telling myself is that I have lost 100 lbs before, so the 30 I gain (my goal is to not go above 30) should be a piece of cake! 

 

Also my boobs and stomach are already saggy from losing 100 lbs so I am not too worried about my SO not loving me 🙂

 

Post # 93
Member
2337 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@kmaemu:  i am the same age as you and similar build, and im the same!!! i dont want a saggy stomach 🙁 i like my flat stomach! i dont want stretch marks 🙁

but im determined to exercise and eat helthy while pregnant so i do the least amount of damage possible, and get back into exercise ASAP after the baby is born. not preggo yet but its def something i think about haha!

Post # 94
Hostess
11178 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I am absolutely terrified. I have worked long and hard to get down to the weight I am now after losing 140 pounds and the thought of putting the weight back on permanently is a scary one. While yes there are weight loss options post pregnancy that depends on having the time and energy to invest into continuing to work on yourself, at least right away. Many woman are overwhelmed and have little energy to eat and shower lot alone work out. This is the hypothetical situation that I fear. 

Our society focuses on looking perfect regardless of the situation. Up until Kate Middleton very few women showed themselves naturally post birth. We are shown instead women with flat stomachs and perfect thighs that seemingly bounced back without effort to their pre-pregnancy size and weight. Anything less than this seems like failure. 

Post # 95
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s sad if your motivation to keep looking good is so your H doesn’t lose interest.  But I think there’s nothing wrong with it if you are doing it for yourself.  I have been on the weight roller coaster all my life and am much happier when I’m in better shape, it helps my self confidence.  I’m willing to bet my FI prefers me that way too, but he loves me the same through all of it.  That really helps.

Post # 96
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

OP, I think your worries are valid, but I also think women worry way too much about this. All we ever hear are the horror stories, so people think pregnancy and having babies is going to destroy their body.

I was 112lbs, 5’2 pre-baby.

I am now 113lbs post baby.

I have no stretchmarks

My vagina is not ruined.

Yes, my breasts shrunk from a 32B to like.. a negative cup size, but I’ll take it.

Aging will ravage your body just as much.

You may be one of those people who don’t experience dramatic, long-lasting changes to your body. I figured I would get stretchmarks and saggy skin..(I have some marks on my breasts and theighs from puberty), but I didn’t. I looked after myself, ate healthy and was able to pretty easily get back to where I am happy, body-wise.

If you really want kids, don’t base not having them on the fact that it will change your body. I understand how scarey  it seems, and how crappy it is to adjust to a new body all of the sudden. Your worries are valid, but please don’t let them take over your world!

Before you have kids, start training yourself to disregard the things you don’t like about your body, and focus on the things you DO like. I have done this my whole life, and I think it’s given me a happier outlook on my body.

Sure, I have NO boobs now, but I love that I have a small waist, post baby.So I focus on that.

And look after yourself now. I find that no matter what my weight or size, when I am eating healthy I feel good about myself. I feel strong. I feel vibrant. That in turn really makes me satisfied with how I look.

 

Post # 97
Member
1728 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

You keep your weight gain in check during the pregnancy, and it will likely not be any permanent or lasting damage.

But, this is one of the perks of being fat and unattractive/saggy/wrinkly before you get pregnant. I have no such concern. 😀

A lot of women worry about it – I wish they wouldn’t, though if someone’s always been smaller, they have no idea what’s on the other side of the tunnel. They can’t possibly know – nor know how their partners will react. Being 8 months pregnant and having bladder problems or not being able to sleep is my bigger concern – not stretch marks (already have ’em!).

I’d say the best thing to do is get a pregnancy book and talk about all of the changes your body’s likely to go through – including those which could be to a degree permanent – with your partner. Watch videos depicting pregnant women – including the bare belly shots. He may have trouble getting into the ‘mood’ for a good portion of the pregnancy (or afterward – not uncommon for men to be turned off temporarily after you give birth, even if you’re able to get back in the saddle).

The more educated people are about all of this, the less fear there will be (usually) and acceptance will come into ignorance’s place.

Post # 98
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@kmaemu: I think it’s great you brought this up and it concerns me too.  FI and I are on the fence about kids still, and this is definitely in my cons column (along with other things).  I run half marathons and I love being fit- FI and I run together a lot.   

Hopefully you will find my sister’s experience helpful, or at least a fair warning.  My sister had her first child almost a year ago, and she was SHOCKED by how much her body changed!  When I saw her within the first week of giving birth, I was surprised too- it changes you more than you realize.  She was torn up a bit and needed stitches and it took a lot longer to recover from that than she thought- her vagina will never be the same.  Her feet seem to be a size bigger permanently- she can’t wear any of her pre-pregnancy shoes.  She loved her quarter size nipples and it was one of he DH’s favorites as well- her nipples are significantly bigger now and she wishes someone had warned her about that- she thought they may shrink down but it’s been almost a year so probably not.  No matter how well she eats or how much she works out, her feet and nipples aren’t going to shrink.  She planned on breast-feeding to get the weight off, but her baby had a really hard time breast feeding because her baby was sick at first and didn’t latch.  She pumped for a month, but it became too difficult with work.  It’s a great plan, just realize it’s not always possible.  She almost has all the baby weight off by working out and eating healthy, but she has a bit of a mommy pooch, saggy breasts, and some saggy skin still.  And people wonder why so many women have post partum depression after giving birth?!  My sister LOVES her baby and LOVES being a mom, but she has no desire to put her body through that again, plus she feels like they can only really afford to raise one child, at least now. 

I think the important thing is for people to talk about issues like this so that new moms aren’t completely blind-sided.  If you happened to bounce back, that’s great for you… but I think it is important to have realistic expectations going into any pregnancy.

Post # 99
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@kmaemu:  Yessss. I’ve always been thin. It would be weird not to be. I know my FI will think I’m still attractive, but I’m scared about me feeling attractive. That’s one of the reasons I want to have a baby/babies semi young, it’s easier for your body to bounce back. I know all of this sounds pretty shallow, but I can’t help it. 

Post # 100
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee

I would say I’m scared.

I have recently lost 17kgs (37.4 pounds) after gaining 30 kgs (66 pounds) when we miscarried in 2011. The idea of getting back to my pre-miscarriage weight, feeling confident, loving my body, etc. and to only have that for a few years before TTC, falling pregnant and gaining pregnancy weight isn’t exactly a ‘happy’ thought.

Post # 101
Member
2444 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@kmaemu:  I am not scared, but I do think about it. I have always been on the small side.  Although, my fears are unwarranted in the grand scheme of things. I cannot wait to be a mother, and if that means my body is going to take a beating, then lets do this! lol

Post # 102
Member
843 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@kmaemu:  You will definitely be able to lose the weight after. My FSIL’s son just turned 1 and she’s lost the baby weight (I think like 35 lbs) by doing weight watchers. You also won’t gain an insane amount if you watch what you’re eating. You only need an extra 200 calories a day, and that’s only in your third trimester. So if you’re not eating bags of chips every day you should be fine. Also I’ve said that to FI before too, about like won’t you be disappointed when my boobs are saggy from breast feeding and stuff, or won’t you be less attracted when I’m old, and he’s like “you have the kind of face your mom has that stays pretty as you get older” hahaha. He also was like well you’ll be the mother of my child so that’s a lot more important than stretch marks etc.

Post # 103
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I definitely think about it. My mother is a freak-of-nature. After birthing 6 kids, she’s still a size 0. Really, mom? Really? She didn’t get stretch marks on her belly, either. I think it’s completely valid to feel this way, and who cares what negative people have to say. I also have the fear that I can’t have babies and when I’m not thinking about that, I’m probably thinking of how my body will look after the baby. Lol. I mean, when it’s all said and done, as long as I have a healthy, happy baby and safe delivery, I’m sure all of my body changes will be well worth it! 🙂 

Also, I feel like the people who are in shape before the baby and take care of themselves (ie work out, eat healthy), are more inclined to look good after the baby. It’s all about the lifestyle you live. Chances are those traits are engrained in you, and things like that don’t usually just go away! 

Post # 103
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

loving_life :  this post makes me feel so much better.  You have a beautiful mind!

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