Post # 1
Member
36 posts
Newbee
This is an aspect of the wedding I think about quite a bit in regard to my stepdaughter-to-be who will also be our flower girl. At the time of the ceremony, she will be 5.5 years old.
I know I want to get down on her level and say some sort of vow and give her a ring (to wear when she is older) on a necklace. The vows would probably be a mixture of serious and funny personal things. I thought I’d face those in attendance while I did this and have her face me since she doesn’t like everyone staring at her. She probably would prefer no special part at all, but I really do want this in my ceremony. I see my wedding day as the day I am finally officially her family. I’ve seen her as my daughter for years. I do not want to have her do or give anything back since the marriage and me becoming her stepmom is an adult decision, not hers.
I like the idea of something like a sand ceremony for all three of us in addition to a special part for her and me, but was hoping for a different idea than that or a unity candle.
Post # 2
Member
45646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Post # 3
Member
36 posts
Newbee
Thanks for the suggestion! I love the medallion ceremony and it was part of my inspiration for the ring on a necklace.
I was hoping for some sort of visual representation I could keep out as a decoration/sovenir/reminder at our home. My stepdaughter wouldn’t have to worry about keeping track of it since the record for little sentimental things like that coming back to our house after they have left isn’t the best. I suppose we could do the pin medallion and put it on her blankey she always leaves here.
I was thinking some sort of handprint type thing. For example, on high quality paper with paint in three different colors, (maybe my fiance’s hand, then mine on top, then my stepdaughters on top of that) that could be framed and kept forever. All “family handprint” type activities tend to be messy though. When I mentioned the paint when I was brainstorming, my Mom’s jaw may have dropped a bit. 
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by CinnamonToBe.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by CinnamonToBe.
Post # 4
Member
45646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
<h3>CinnamonToBe: You could do a unity painting. Have 3 ketchup type dispensers with 3 different colors. As a mother, I can relate to the jaw drop. You could take a moment to slip on a cover like the do in kindergarten for finger painting. One of the adults could make sure the paint is down in the tip before you squeeze.</h3>
Post # 5
Member
36 posts
Newbee
julies1949: I really love this idea — thank you! I will be looking into it for sure.
Post # 6
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
- Wedding: October 2014 - local park
My stepson will be 4 at the time of our wedding. I see the wedding as a promise between his father and me, so there is no official part during the ceremony when he does anything (besides be the ring bearer). We’ve been a family for almost 2 years now- I don’t think the wedding makes it official because family isn’t a legal thing, it’s a love thing. We are doing a sand ceremony, though. My color sand is pink and my fiance’s is orange. The “complimentary” color at our wedding is yellow, so I have mixed the orange and yellow together ahead of time so that my fiance is pouring yellow and orange, symbolizing how his life was already mixed with his son’s, and now it mixes with me (and as the sand cannot be poured back into the original containers, neither can our family). The officiant will mention this explanation before we do the sand pouring…but that’s all that my son is being mentioned in the ceremony.
Post # 7
Member
36 posts
Newbee
flautadeoro: This sounds very nice. I’ve thought of what you said: How this is between your fiance and you, not your son. Afterall, my stepdaughter will grow up and go off into adulthood on her own; it is my fiance I will grow old with.
Legally, (at least in my state) how long you’ve been a stepparent matters for getting visitation if something happens to the bio parent, so I’ve always looked forward to the day when my relationship with her is legally protected. I know it may sound kind of strange, but it’s something I’ve worried about!
In general, my stepdaughter is very into weddings. She asked, “Do I get special jewelry at the wedding too?” — She was thrilled when I told her yes, I was planning on getting her something special to always remind her how much I love her. I’ve considered doing it all in private rather as part of the ceremony since she doesn’t like being the center of attention.
Post # 8
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
- Wedding: October 2014 - local park
Very interesting! I had kinda wondered about visitation wtih my stepson if something happened to his father (or vice versa- his visitation with his stepdad if something happened to his mom). Interesting to know there are probably rules regarding this! If when his mom had gotten remarried she made a big deal about him, I probably would have put him more into the wedding too. I think it’s sweet hat your stepdaugther is excited and wants to be included- my stepson basically has no idea what is going on (he doesn’t really know what marriage is) and just knows his mom “took him to the church and they had a party and then “steven” came to live with them.” It’s even less involved with me marrying his dad since we’re not the custodial parents. I think it’s really sweet you’re thinking of ways to include her, especially since she’s so interested. Sorry if my other post came off the other way 🙂 Not the way I meant it, just the way we’re handling it!
Post # 9
Member
36 posts
Newbee
flautadeoro: Oh no offense taken. Thank you for being thoughtful though and making sure I wasn’t offended! I think what is right for each family is different.
As I (hopefully) begin to give her siblings, I want her to have this to look back on and remember I promised to be her parent and I see her no differently than a biological child. Step-parent rights is an interesting subject and varies state to state. Here, you need to be a step-parent and have lived with the child for 5 years last I checked. I try and stay up to date just so I know should something happen. I can’t imagine my life without her being in it.
I attribute her love of weddings partly to her love of beautiful dresses and partly to her love of fairy tales! When she heard my sister was getting married on a beach, she immediately said, “Please tell her to be careful of the water because it could ruin her beautiful dress.”
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