Post # 1
Does anyone else feel that their wedding is causing them to be depressed?
I love my Fiance and can’t wait to be his wife, but the wedding not the marriage aspect is so stressful I feel like I have been down a lot lately. My parents are helping us out thankfully, but we are still contrbuting a significant amount. I feel as though I am constantly worried about how we are going to come up with the money that I am starting to lose sleep.I am trying to do things as low cost as I can, but some prices on things you just can’t change. We picked the least expensive place we looked at with the best package, researched about 10 vendors from each category to get the best deal, so I feel like I’m being cost conscious.
I think I get caught up in wanting the beautiful wedding, but when I step back and thing about it, I wonder if it’s really worth it. I think I debate this with myself alot and always come back to the conclusion that I would always regret not having a wedding.
And then of course there are all these little details that we go crazy over. Since where in any other aspects of my life woulkd I debate for days about chair colors LOL?
I guess I just can’t wait for the wedding to be over with and paid for and while we still will save, it won’t be we need X amount by X date. I am just starting to feel like I’m not myself. I am a type A personality, but I am starting to worry about everything 100x more than I did before. I used to be such a happy go luck person and now I feel like I am always stressed and tired and even a little depressed. And being at home with my parents who are helping us out, but are still saving every day since they don’t have a lot, I feel guilty that my wedding is causing so much stress in everyone’se life.
For Lent, I am going to write a journal everyday about the positive things in my life to try to control this and not let it take over. I want to enjoy my friends, family, and dogs again. When friends want to go out for the night I want to jump on that occasion instead of debating on whether it’s worth is to spend the money and go out.
Post # 3
Aw, I am sorry you’re feeling down about your wedding! I am glad that you have stepped back and looked at everything, plus your journal will definitely help. I know it’s hard to think about it, but just remember that it’s going to be a great day, but it’s just a day. Don’t stress too much, everything will be beautiful =)
Post # 4
I am not sure about others, but my wedding planning has definitely taken a negative toll on me. Going into it, I had no idea that the wedding would cause so much trouble. I totally understand how you feel. I do at least 20 vendor comparisons for each category trying to find the best deal/quality/value! It’s SO MUCH work and I feel like I am crazy but weddings are so expensive!
Other stuff that came up are family drama from both my side and my FI’s side. I had melt down a few times already because of this wedding, but I am learning to cope with it better (though my stomach suffered due to stress and I was just in the hospital yesterday to make sure my stomach is ok lol) If I had known if this were how the wedding planning would be, I’d have totally not be throwing a wedding and elope. I’d probably yearn for a wedding but with all this disaccord with family, lack of support, combined with the huge cost, it’s totally not worth it!!!
We are too much into the wedding so I am just trying to do the best I can for now. I am forgoing a lot of the elements that I wanted because I don’t even want to deal with it anymore. Sad, I know, but that’s what happened to me. The difference that I see with your any my situation is that no one else is helping us with wedding planning, and I do most of the planning work compared to my Fiance.
GL and keep your chin up! That’s what I am trying to do. 🙂
Post # 5
I am with you! Its taking a toll on me as well. I feel like I am not the same person. I feel sad and so stressed. I need a vacation and a break from planning for a week or two. I feel like i eat drink sleep wedding stuff.
Post # 6
Maybe a spa day will help 🙂
Post # 7
I get you. We’re bleeding money, it causes drama, I personally think planning sorta sucks, a lot of my family can’t make it, etc. I know the day itself will be great, but, honestly, I wish we had just eloped.
Post # 8
I am feeling the same way about the wedding planning process–kind of glad to hear that I’m not the only one. (sorry that your depression just made me feel better) It’s to the point where I have to go a long time in between serious planning sessions because it always feels like we never have enough $$ to do what we want (we are paying for most of our wedding too) and there is always some sort of family drama sprinkled in. It feels like I’m running a marathon lately. *sigh*
I think I might steal your journal idea for lent–cheers to being back to our old selves! 🙂
Post # 9
hi date twin! I totally understand how you’re feeling – I’m sure a lot of women do! I never knew wedding planning was going to be so stressful and dramatic. I loved my Future In-Laws before the wedding planning and now my Future Mother-In-Law is driving me a little crazy from time to time! I, too, worry about money and worry about a lot of other things! I feel like there is so much pressure to have a beatiful wedding and have it be perfect and it’s a lot to live up to! I think this is why the honeymoon was created…..so we can have a week of doing nothing and thinking of nothing and enjoying ourselves right after all of the stressful times!!! The wedding is 6 months away so hopefully the time will go quickly and i’m sure you will have a beautiful day and everything will turn out fine!
Post # 10
May I just add into the mix that although my Fiance is engaged in this whole wedding planning thing, he doesn’t appear to be nearly as dumpy as I am these days. Maybe I should take a page from him…
Post # 11
I’m so sorry you’re having a tough time…I think I understand how you’re feeling. I am a very laid back person as well, and never thought I’d go into a frenzy over napking colors, floral arrangements, and invitation fonts, but I am! My biggest thing has been the interpersonal drama that has been cropping up surrounding wedding decisions. My in laws and my parents have always been good friends, but they aren’t getting along…my parents are insisting on helping pay but guilt trip me about it all the time…my mother and I never got along before, but having to work together on the planning brings that out all the more….and the list goes on.
I think planning weddings is inevitably stressful and joyful at the same time. I guess we have to figure out how to focus on the joy and get through the stress in one piece! I think journaling like you suggested could really help – and leaning on your Fiance is obviously a big one, too. Once the day comes, letting go of the stress and soaking in every moment will make it all worth it (or so says my Matron of Honor, my primary counselor for all things wedding-stress!)
Good luck, hang in there, and definitely take advantage of the ‘bee…you’ve got lots of ladies here going through it too that you can vent to!
Post # 12
Giiiiiiiirl! I so, so feel you on this! I’m feeling completely overwhelmed and stressed out to the point where I can’t bear to pick up the phone to call vendors! it’s just too overwhelming. I can’t bear to do anything! And I know I need to get it together and just DO it so it’ll be done but sigh.
Post # 13
I know exactly what you mean. I have been having an incredibly hard time with depression and anxiety and the wedding. It has taken a toll on me. I just keep wondering if all the money, time, effort will be worth it. I have on more than one occasion asked Fiance if we could just elope because the marriage is so much more important to me than the wedding. Luckily, he knows that one day I would regret not having the wedding and he has been really supportive and helpful throughout this whole process. I am lucky that we have a lot of help but a lot of pressure and decisions still fall on me. My Fiance and I decided to take a weekly breakfast to create a project timeline and check list which will go out and discuss and figure out what is left to do each week. We’ve also decided to try to do something fun and non-wedding related once a week. I am really hoping that getting really organized and we take a little timeout once a week that it’ll help me to not feel so anxious and depressed.
Post # 14
Thanks so much for sharing! It’s nice to know that we are all not alone in this. Whoever created weddingbee was a genious.
@krissycake- Thanks for the kind words. I know it’s only a day and I keep trying to remind myself of that.
@Joonbee- It’s unbelievable how expensive things are and we aren’t even doing top of the line. Hope you are feeling okay, take care of yourself. And we should tell all of those girls on the waiting boards to elope!
@Jizes318- We all need to go away for a spa getway, if only we had the money hehe
@amani- I can’t even tell you the number of times I said, I wish we eloped. Money seems to bring out the worst in people and def causes drama
@madcitybride- Haha, I know I’m glad too that others are miserable at least it makes me see that I’m not crazy. We def do need to bring back our oldselves and I know how come this doesn’t take a toll on the guys!
@clarebee- Only 6 months to go! My inlaws hated me before the wedding so this planning hasn’t helped lol. Why do we have so much pressure to have the perfect wedding? It seems like we would all be happy eloping =). Can’t wait for my honeymoon, that’s all I keep telling myself.
The great thing is that I still have the support from my family but my mom and my Fiance lost their jobs since we got engaged. Both of them have great skills, my mom is a lawyer and Fiance is an electrician so they are trying the self employed avenue and while it’s working great it is still bumpy and not enough to pay bills and save. I feel so guilty that my parents are Fiance are so stressed because they want the best for me. And no matter how many times I tell my mom that it’s okay if we don’t do this, I think she would feel worse if we didn’t have a wedding. I am her only girl and I think she has dreamed about this for as long as I have.
Post # 15
My wedding was a big fun normal wedding and then Future Mother-In-Law decided to not give us the thousands she promised. I had to cancel the reception, plan a party for a few months later in NJ (I live in IN, where all FI’s family is) and I only have 14 guests coming from my side. (Over 100 invited). YES it makes me depressed! (You can read about it in more detail in my blog, link in my profile.)
I too am like, I just can’t wait to be MARRIED! I feel guilty wanting to “get it over with” but it is a big drama-filled-stress-ball.
Post # 16
@farmersdaughter- It’s crazy how we are all extremely intelligent and then wedding planning comes and we stay up nights over fonts LOL
@KMSull- I have stopped calling the vendors. I told Fiance that is now his job =)
@futuremrstal- I love the breakfast idea, at least you don’t keep it all in and hopefully when it’s out on the table it’ll make you feel a little better. I need to take your idea of just doing something fun and nwr related everyweek so we don’t forget about us.