(Closed) Is anyone else’s wedding making them depressed?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Its funny because so many people told me this would be a stressful time. But ignorance is bliss and I did it anyways. Lol. Yeah I’m not myself either. I’m grouchy and kinda short lately. We had talked about eloping  here http://www.wickinn.com/promotions.html. I love the place and I’ve always wanted to go here, but alas I had it in my head that I wanted my family and friends to see me get married. It surely would have been easier to elope! I stress about money for the wedding daily. I already naturally  stress about everything, but this is 10X worse. I stress about money, getting the invitation out in time ( since my wedding is 04/24 and they aren’t even ready). Its a lot to deal with and most brides I know tell me that all the remember is the wedding stress and not even the day of the wedding. Lol  which really kinda sucks!

Post # 19
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I understand where you are coming from completely… I keep going back and forth thinking… “is this what i really want?” and everytime I come to the conclusion that “YES” it is what I really want…

No matter the cost and all the stress that you go through…when the day comes for you to walk down the aisle it will be worth all of it… I haven’t gotten married yet but I have been stressed about the financial situation since the day we became engaged… We originally wanted to be married this October, but my Fiance had lost his job and we weren’t sure what was going to happen… my parents have told me they want to pay for the entire wedding but that they could not afford to this October…

… so … we set the date to October 2011… and although my family has offered to pay for it I don’t want them to have to deal with the cost… this is something that I want and I would feel horrible if my family had to pay for everything… I’m sorry you are so stressed about it… I don’t know you or anything about you… but I would say… do what makes you happy… if a beautiful wedding is what you want.. then go for it! you only get married once and will remember this day for the rest of your life… being cost concious is smart.. but don’t settle…

I hope everything works out for you and that you have an amazing wedding.. good luck to you:)

 

Post # 20
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m with you hun. Up until about 2 days ago I was rather melancholy about it because I just honestly haven’t had much contact with my extended family about anything except funerals. It took a conversation on FB with my cousin (who I’ve idolised since we were little) to remind me that my family truly does support me and wants me to be happy even if I chose not to do what everyone else was doing at the time that we stopped talking ie: joining the military.

It had hurt a lot when he stopped talking to me, but now I’m much happier because I know the real reason and that he and the rest of my family really do love me and can’t wait to see me in my dress. The other thing that helped me was a clarification of something so simple as the definition of summer. Fiance thinks summer starts in May and I was under the impression of June/July so I was stressing because he stated previously that he wanted to wait until summer and then we can just pull a couple paychecks and pay for everything that way. So simple clarifications can really help in relieving a lot of stress.

Hope you feel better about your wedding soon!

Post # 21
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I am SO with you on this!  Planning a wedding is not fun; it was never really fun for me.  I’m not sure if it would be easier if my wedding was local or not, but I know it would be stressful no matter what.  Fiance has no interest in anything wedding related, which is fine to some degree.  I don’t bother him with details that he (or I, for that matter) really care about.  But when there are things he has to be a part of–picking out a tux or rings–he throws the wedding in my face.  That this is “my wedding” and that he doesn’t need any of this.  Well, we are less than a hundred days from the wedding, it’s a little too late to bring these ideas to light now, especially if you are saying it because you just don’t want to take care of a few things. 

I also try not to talk about my wedding to too many of my friends, especially un-married ones because I know it’s all boring.  But I wish I had people to talk to.  It was a little easier when some of my friends were also engaged last year, but now they are married and I don’t know that they are interested.  I guess I’m just feeling alone and sad, so I’m very grateful to Roxy821 for starting this thread. Hugs all around.

Post # 22
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Alright…

So here it is…your overwhelmed, stressed, pissed, angry, sad, tired, frequently annoyed, crazed,  tired of the drama, details, and unsolicited opinions, let downs and…and on top of that your hungry all the time.  Are we pregnant or getting married?  You were a laid back person, laughing about how “others” could so easily become the dreaded bridezilla…now you find yourself weighing the merits of shot guns and grenade launchers. I was engaged all of 72 hours when super excited I got on one of the wedding websites and voila…insta heart attack…I was a little under a year out but according to their planner I was a total slacker and way behind.  Though, I wish I could take away all the craziness for you, I can give you some advice about what has kept me sane.

1.  Talk to your doctor…crazy, I don’t think so.  I wasn’t sleeping, felt like my hormones were on over drive and more than once found myself saying, did that just come out of my mouth?  Well to the DR I went…told her what was going on and walked out with a prescription for a sleep aid, vitamin/supplement regimen and some peace on mind.  I have my health and someone completely independent of my wedding in my corner!

 

2.  Project Wedding…I work full time managing highly visible projects for the City of New York, from inception to conclusion, our motto is “Get Her Done.”  And I realized I have the tools to do the same for my wedding.  In every project we have what is called the “critical path” plan.  So I ask you…what is your critical path?  What do you know and what don’t you know?  Before you strike out on this journey create your own critical path, starting with the most important thing to you and ending at the details.  For us, the starting point was the date.  Had to be in the fall because of my FI’s work schedule.  So we said, fall wedding…no brainer, New England, and so on.  If you paint a picture of the must haves for you, well, you have the priority list.  Whatever the biggest decisions are, don’t let others invalidate them.  You are the project manager, therefore, you decide what is important.  Also, is a priority really the color of your linens…ask your florist or a friend with good taste and leave the decision there.

3.  Which brings me to my team…Who do you know?  If you were assembling an A team what would the skill be you feel will help you.  Personally, I am a huge second guesser, therefore on my team are a whole slew of people who will give me their unfettered opinion.  If three of these people veto something its out…if everyone vetos it and I still need to have it, I shouldn’t have asked in the first place! The important thing is I have honest feedback.

I have a great friend who is a graphic designer who is currently unemployed with a small child at home.  I spoke to her about my save the dates, and asked straight out, can you design them for me?  She was thrilled!  My bridesmaids dresses, picked about 6 different styles and told my maids to “have at it” I would see them when I saw them.  My mom and my FI’s mom’s are garage sale/well any sale nuts.  I gave them a list and said this is what I am looking for the cheaper the better.  If your not sure send me a quick pic on your camera phone and if it is over a buck (vases, christmas lights, mason jars, decorative items, etc.) find out if they are negotiable.  They are hilarious and it has become a competition between the two to find the perfect items.

One of the reasons we picked our venue was it is a blank slate with lots of options.  We asked for recommendations and were flat out honest about what we could spend.  We got our absolutely amazing photographer from a referral on top of another referral.  Yup, the one photographer was just too expensive, turns out he mentored our photographer for a number of years before he struck out on his own recently.  He had been a photojournalist for years as well.  Well we fit together like peas and carrots! He is doing our wedding for $1,800.00 and yes we will own the photos! 

Another note on our venue, the ceremony and reception are in the same place so I didn’t want to do the rehearsal dinner there, after talking with us they sent us over to see their good friend Sheldon at Stone Hearth Inn.  We were smitten with the place and Sheldon has also agreed to host our “after hours activities.”  YEAH!

Your team will grow and shrink but the point is, ask and you shall receive!  People want to be involved so involve them.  Make a list, take the time to review your priorities and get them out there.  Delegating responsibilities takes some of the pressure off of you and compartmentalizes some of the smaller details into manageable areas.  An example of this is a great friend of ours who is a contracts attorney, she has evaluated our contracts for us (with sticky notes) and with our permission has reached out to our preferred vendors on areas that are not clearly laid out.  She has helped solidify relationships with our vendors and counseled us away from going with others. 

The last members of my team are you guys, feeling like I am not alone in this, reading what others are suggesting and looking for innovative fun ideas that I can incorporate is priceless.  I may never meet you but you may have been a key reason for my wedding success. 

4.  So its time for a reality check…or project audit, this is where your critical paths come in again.  What has been accomplished, have you fallen off the path or simply taken a wrong turn.  Step back to the Priority item and work forward. 

5.  But most importantly, trust yourself, trust your team and trust your Fiance.  It’s a tremendous amount of responsibility and planning for that perfect day…Work down the scale of important, we are foregoing the band/dj for a simple ipod at the recpetion with a colorful friend being the master of ceremony.  A month before the wedding I will reuest an all ipods on deck and have one of my more muciscal friends bang ot the dance list. 

6. Lastly, I have leaned heavily on my negotiator, thats right the one person who can schmooze down prices and help  us get fair pricing.  Case in point, another great friend of ours got married up in VT last year…a catering company seemed to be nickel and diming us.  Handed over to my friend who knew the questions to ask and what we wanted and things started to flow more smoothly.

7.  Finish line…The only must happen for my BMs is to arrive in Vermont Thursday morning to help set things up put bags together deliver to hotels, etc.  Guys will do heavy lifting girls will do decorating with everything in place for the arrival of the flowers.

I don’t know if this helps,  Certainly things get stressful and decisions must be made, but putting together a team that you can rely on will make things just that much easier and people who love you will be happy they contributed.

8.  What do I bring to the table…wellmy vision and a whole lot of creativity.  I know I want the decorations to be amazing, and it stresses me out that it might not happen within my budget.  So what did I do, I hit the garden centers, and spoke to them about potential “live plant” rentals.  As fall is the end of the season and so much goes on sale what could they do for me?  The response has been overwhelming and what once seemed undoable…is doable.

 

So my lovely ladies, find peace in project management.  And in the end, if the PM experience has you flummoxed save your sanity and hire a planner.

 

Good luck, you are not alone and if you need a suggestion on anything in this process let me know.  I can put it to my evergrowing team!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 23
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think it helps growing up knowing this is the “most important day of your life.” My problem is that everyone seems to have an opinion from what they’ve done and what they’ve seen. If people can’t seem to support you on your decisions for how you envision this important day, then it doesn’t make the process fun.

Sure this is going to be stressful but finding a support system will help. My future mother in law is simply driving me crazy… my mom is about to step in and say BACK OFF!

Post # 24
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I am definitely with you on this one! I already feel like this has had a negative effect on me and I’m still just looking at venue sites! I finally broke down to my Fiance the other day that this was all just too much between the overwhelming stress of grad school, dealing with family issues, money issues (we are paying for everything ourselves) and wedding planning. He’s so great that he had me send all the information I had collected to him and told me just to concentrate on school. He said he’d research and visit all the places and give me the top 3 to choose from. I knew I was marrying him for a reason. Laughing

This whole process makes me jealous of those girls that can just hire a wedding planner to make all their visions come true. 

Post # 25
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I understand completely..I am having a very teary day . I have big issues with our wedding..its in a foreign country and none of my side will be there…not even my sons .My moms in the hospital in the sates awaiting surgery to remove part of her colon and only has a 5/50 chance of surving the surgery because of her age and health .My fiancees brother just had a mjor cancer surgery and iis recovering ery slowly and is miserable .I have no dress as I had dreamed of . Someone in this site offered to send me a dress that she isnt useing and after I stupidly gave her my adress she stopped messaging me .I never ever would have done that if I wasnt so stressed .I am so down right now I cant even see the sunshine .

I will survive…but I was hoping to be feeling a lot better less than two weeks before my wedding .

Post # 26
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am super stressed with 38 days left until my wedding. I was perfectly fine and now Im just super sad. I want to cry for no reason and now I feel like I dont want the day to come! Ive always been a nervous and ancious person. This is totally freaking me out!! Does anyone else feel like this!! I hope Im not theonly one.

Post # 27
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
@Ckarina:  I feel the EXACT same way you do… I was so excited about planning my wedding, and now, I’m having second thoughts… My Fiance and I are constantly arguing about every stupid detail for the wedding… It’s nice to know I’m not the only one feeling this way… I just pray I don’t stay is this state.

Post # 27
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

Oh thank you so much, ladies. I was at the end of my rope. This thread is helping.  I’m sure it taboo, but anybody else having some actual relationship negativity since getting engaged? I feel like we were blissful for a couple weeks, and ever since then it’s been a really bumpy road. ๐Ÿ™ How could I have been so completely head over heels with him for five years and now that we’re trying to get married, we feel disconnected and distant from each other? 

Please chime in if you’ve experienced it and it’s just a normal phase. ๐Ÿ’œ

Post # 28
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I am sorry that it has been stressful ๐Ÿ™  Wedding planning has been VERY stressful and overwhelming for me too.  I have been fighting a lot with my family.  Every little suggestion makes me upset or makes me cry ๐Ÿ™

Post # 29
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m right there with ya. Email me if you’d like 

[email protected]

-steph 10.09.16 I’m getting married and it’s diy n I can’t get off the couch 

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