Is anyone having a hard time letting go of their wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

I can feel your pain, it sounds very similar to what I went through. My wedding was in June and I had a lot of difficulty letting go of everything afterwards. I kept replaying all the things that went wrong in my head and how I could’ve improved upon it.

I know how you feel about the emotional investment. I spent a year and a half planning the wedding without a wedding planner. I think because I didn’t have a wedding planner, my fiance wasn’t big on the wedding, and no one else was really gung-ho about it, I just really dedicated SO MUCH time on my wedding it really did consume my life for one and a half years…. And then it didn’t go perfectly according to plan… Of course I was disappointed and actually a little devastated. I’m such a perfectionist too so I was really bummed out.

It’s almost 4 months now and I think I’m coming around to getting over it. I tell myself that it was just one day out of the many days of my life. It sort of helps to not play up the whole “once-in-a-lifetime” thing because it really makes you feel like you messed up something really big. So practicing self-love and forgiveness is important. I’m not an event planner and I’m assuming you’re not an event planner, there really was no way to ensure everything went perfectly. And even if you were an event planner, there are simply too many factors that are beyond our control.

My life, my self-worth, and my relationship with my husband is not defined by my wedding day. It was one day out of the many days of my life and like all days in my life, it was joyful… and I learned some lessons haha.

I can always use what I learned to plan an awesome birthday event for my child or even a vow-renewal one day.

Post # 3
Member
7934 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

 I’m sure the wedding was beautiful even if it wasn’t “perfect.” You have the rest of your life with your husband. That is the true high point, not the wedding.

Post # 4
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee

My consultant at the bridal salon praised me for having a fuss-free attitude towards my wedding day. She said she sees a LOT of girls come in and the emphasis is entirely the wedding, not the marriage. After the wedding they get depressed because it’s all over, and they have put this day on such a pedestal. 

You need to take some time and find happiness in your day-to-day life. Being married, being you. Moving on to kids and being able to nest won’t help, because you’re just compensating one event for another. Eventually your kids will grow and move out and then what? 

Do you have hobbies? Maybe try something new, find something to focus your energy on. Even things like putting in a new garden, or trying to perfect a new recipe. Your wedding day is a huge event, but there is so much happiness to be had afterwards! Good luck! 

Post # 5
Member
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I hated almost everything about my wedding day. My makeup looked weird, I had a subtle tan line that no one probably noticed but me, out of 200ish photos I liked 3, the priest ignored our request for a mostly english ceremony and did the ENTIRE thing in Armenian (which only Darling Husband & his parents / siblings could understand), and the priest was in general, a dick.

BUT – I’ve honestly just shelved the entire thing from memory. I’m married, I’m happy, I don’t want to think about my wedding if I can help it hahahahah.

Since your day does not sound anywhere near as bad as mine, (infact yours doesn’t sound bad at all!) I’m sure you can get the ball rolling again if I’ve been able to.

Try and find something else to focus on? Maybe a little weekend away? Something you can plan.

 

Post # 6
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

rachaelgean :  It’s normal to feel a little blue after the wedding, how long has it been?

If you are depressed you have to find excitement in being married and enjoying your new life.

Post # 7
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

You are definitely not alone, I have really struggled with this and I think a ton of brides do. The emotional investment is really upsetting. Weddings are so expensive and the planning is so time consuming and there are sooo many decisions we can question after. It’s also one of the few things in our lives we can’t “do over.” I totally get it. And I don’t think husbands generally do because they didn’t put so much thought and energy into the planning. Nor did they feel that pressure for things to be perfect.

I think it’s also important to remember that you can never just change one thing. Neither of us know how things could have gone differently if we made different choices. And I love what @hermionepadme said “My life, my self-worth, and my relationship with my husband is not defined by my wedding day.” I’m also at the 4 month mark and I’ll be repeating that to myself, thank you! Along with the reminder about self love and forgiveness.

It’s still a battle for me but I’m trusting that time will heal and give us new (positive) things to think about. Sending you hugs xox

 

Post # 8
Member
2599 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

rachaelgean :  Sadly western culture (capitalism) puts far too much emphasis on the wedding and not the relationship and marriage. It’s even harder if your parents feed into the nonsense.

You say there may be more deep-seated issues. It sounds like you may be insecure and/or unfulfilled in other areas of life? Whatever it is, I’d address those before you add children into the mix.

I’m sorry you feel so rubbish, Bee. I hope you can shake yourself out of it before too long.

Post # 9
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Wow, your post sounds exactly like an article/essay that I just read. Here’s the link if you’re interested: 

https://apracticalwedding.com/post-wedding-anxiety/

I’m not married yet and I wouldn’t even say that I’m super “in to” wedding planning, but I am by nature a detail oriented and opinionated person. I’ve gotten to the point where I feel like I’ve put too much thought and time into everything and that there is no way that it’ll live up to my expectations or be “good enough” so I’m trying to let go of those feelings and disappointment ahead of time as it isn’t fair to my fiancé, myself, or all the money my parents are spending. In my head, I know it comes down to me judging myself and putting too much pressure on myself and I really don’t want to feel that way on my wedding day. I don’t need every last thing to be the very best, most unique, most beautiful option that is available. I’m trying to let go but I think social media and the fact that we have endless options due to the Internet means we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to find the perfect option/very best of everything. 

I hope you find the essay useful! I did! I hope to take all of you ladies’ advice and focus on the good and not things being perfect for my wedding day. 

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