(Closed) Is anyone here ok with private strippers?

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
370 posts
Helper bee

I’d be okay with my SO going to a strip club for his bachelor party, but no to house calls.

Post # 32
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

I’ve never really thought about it because Fiance has no interest in strip clubs or any of this stuff. 

If he did, though, I wouldn’t be super happy. Strip club I could handle if it wasn’t frequent, but house calls? no.

Good for you OP for being more chill 😛 

Post # 33
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Strip clubs, no problem. Private stripper would make me a little uncomfortable, even though I trust my FH completely. And I for sure know he wouldn’t be okay with me having a private male stripper so he’d give me that same respect.

But I can totally see his friends getting one for a bach party or something, so it wouldn’t be a huge deal for me as long as he didn’t try to hide it or anything. 

Post # 34
Member
3707 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

View original reply
futuremrs2020 :  Yes, I was pretty ok with it. My exH was at a bachelor party where they had private strippers (that he didn’t know about – Best Man got them). They all had g-string or naked lap dances. I wasn’t super happy about it, but i also didn’t really make a thing about it. He told me after the fact and I trusted him not to do anything sexual, so there wasn’t really anything to be done but be a little weirded out and annoyed for a day. 

Post # 35
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

That’s a big ol’ nope for me.  I don’t understand the concept of “you’re going to get married and be loyal to one person, so let’s get as clooooooose as we possibly can to you cheating the night before your wedding.”  FH and I talked about it, and we both agreed that if someone brings a stripper (regardless of him telling them not to), he’ll just hand her $100, call her an Uber, and tell her that while she’s very lovely, her services won’t be needed, lol.  There are so many other awesome things guys can do for a bach party.

Post # 36
Member
352 posts
Helper bee

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hickoryhills :  totally agree! It depends on the relationship dynamic, but for me, it doesn’t make sense as a pre-wedding activity/entertainment 😉

Post # 37
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

I made it clear from the very beginning of our relationship that strippers in any location were a deal breaker for me. Luckily my husband has no interest in them anyway, so it wasn’t an issue.

Like a previous poster said, it’s not about trust – I absolutely know there’s no way he’d do anything with the stripper, it’s more about respect. It’s paying for a form of sexual gratification and it’s treating women like a commodity to be looked at, and it really doesn’t sit well with me.

No judgment towards the people who go and enjoy them, it’s just a really important thing for me to be with someone who feels the same way about this.

Post # 38
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’d have no problem with it but mostly because I know my husband wouldn’t do anything PLUS he probably wouldn’t even participate willingly since he’s so sweet and would take it harder than I would if he got a lapdance. IF he did, I know for a fact nothing would happen since he’s so sensitive that he’d be more upset that I would.

Post # 39
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

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kittycatcat :  Agree fully that it’s a respect thing.  I have no doubt my FH would be faithful as the day is long.  But why objectify another woman like that, and why pay her money to flaunt herself, and why do something that’s intended to be as tempting to stray as possible?  People can obviously do whatever they want and what they’re comfortable with – that’s fine.  But for me, it just seems like a no brainer.

Post # 40
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Strip clubs are fine.

Hired strippers in private spaces are a hard “no” from me, because of my experience in looking to hire one. When I was in university, I had the idea to hire a stripper for a fraternity function so I scouted private strippers and wow. The shit that was allowed was unreal. 

Post # 42
Member
1117 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

No. Strippers are a no-go for me in my relationship and DH doesn’t care for strippers or strip clubs, so it’s not an issue. As some other bees mentioned, it is a respect thing. We are in a monogomous relationship and I don’t think it’s appropriate, ever, for him to be around another woman who is naked or dressed in less than you would see in a swim suit. He sure wouldn’t appreciate another man waiving his penis in my face or grinding up on me, so the same applies for him.

In addition, strippers are expensive. We have financial goals and a lot of other things that money should be prioritized for other than strippers. If he went to the strip club and spent a few hundred dollars on strippers when that money could have used that for groceries or medical bills or baby gear (we’re due in December), I would be pissed! 

This was a big bone of contention between my ex husband and myself. He thought I was just jealous and insecure. In reality, jealousy had nothing to do with it. 

Post # 43
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Strip clubs don’t really bother me, but my husband is the one that is uncomfortable with them. 

However, a private stripper would be a hard no for me just based on the fact that *usually* a lot of the times it involves more than just stripping. 

A friend of mine told me that he went to a bachelor party in Miami where they had hired private strippers to come to the house they were renting, and the things they did was more of a sex show than stripping… and then they brought the groom-to-be in another room and shut the door so I can only imagine what went on in there…. that to me would be SO far crossed a line and if I was that guy’s fiancée the wedding would for sure be off.

Post # 44
Member
2306 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

It doesn’t bother me at all. Strip clubs or private strippers, I don’t really feel like there is an actual line that needs to be drawn. But I also fully trust my fiance, and know that the girls are there to dance and get paid. Nothing else. 

Post # 45
Member
1000 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
futuremrs2020 :  My thinking on this is that if my Fiance were “strip club guy” who was constantly instigating the trip, hiring girls, going on his own as some kind of hobby or interest – I’d think it was gross and creepy. It’s not necessarily a boundary, I just don’t see myself with that kind of guy, and I’m not. 

 

However, at bachelor parties – I’m ok if he just goes with the flow. If a stripper is hired or they go to a strip club – fine. I never really worry about it. I know for my Fiance it’s more about just hanging with his friends. FWIW, when my Fiance DOES go to something like that, there’s usually a couple guys who bow out of the activity due to their partner being uncomfortable, and it’s almost always the guys in the shakiest relationships with the most jealousy, distrust, fighting, etc. 

 

for his own bachelor party, I know he won’t request strippers, BUT if the other guys get them he’ll just play along so everyone gets a good laugh and I have no worries it’ll go over any kind of line. For me, intent is very important, and as long as my Fiance doesn’t intend to seriously try to do anything with a stripper, and it’s all within the context of “the show”, it’s alright by me. 

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