Is anyone here ok with private strippers?

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 61
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

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futuremrs2020 :  I would be fine with it, for sure. I think it shows security in yourself and your relationship! 

Post # 62
Member
897 posts
Busy bee

Trust issues or not, the sex industry is disgusting in any setting. #1 reason being human trafficking/sex slavery. Unless they’ve really done their research on their eyecandy, there’s no way to know whether they’re being entertained by someone who’s truly consenting. This may be an unpopular opinion, but even if the strippers are 100% consensual, it’s still supporting an industry that’s providing a market for trafficking. I think it’s fair to express some self control and keep it in your pants if it means less lives destoryed by sex trafficking. 

#2 reason being objectification. Sure, some women are just really comfortable with their sexuality and using their bodies to please others—-fine. But I doubt most of these women would be willingly objectifying themselves it they weren’t getting paid to do it. I just don’t see how it’s okay to encourage/manipulate women (and men, for that matter) to take their  clothes off to be used like a toy for a stranger’s sexual pleasure. Why is this so acceptable? 

Post # 63
Member
5480 posts
Bee Keeper

My husband went to one of the bach parties for my Brother-In-Law that had private strippers. They did a lot more than strip, and some of the guys, married or not, took advantage. I know my husband and I believe him when he said he did not partake. Basically I know when he’s lying, he’s a miserable liar.

I’m not crazy about any of it, so I said fine, but no lap dances at the strip club. So of course he comes home and tells me he got a lap dance, but it wasn’t sexual. Gmafb. Well, I’m the type of person that if you come at me with a knife, I’ll come back at you with a gun. Let’s just say he knows not to do this ever again.

Post # 64
Member
859 posts
Busy bee

Certainly at a 3k + 1K tip ticket price, can at least acknowledge that this particular case isn’t talking about “strippers” or “dancers.”  These were sex workers/escorts, even if they only engaged in sexual acts with the other women who came to the event and did not give “extras” to the other members of the bachelor party.  Unless I am misunderstanding something here? 

Honestly, I don’t think 1k was stolen from anyone’s wallet. That’s a perfectly reasonable tip for a 3k service, particularly if they wanted the employees to take requests or stay for additional time. I hope that was given freely rather than stolen.

I find it a bit weird and savage thinking about “pack mentality” men get when engaging in private events like this and don’t understand wanting to “group watch” or “group participate” in sexual stimulation. And so I think I probably wouldn’t match well with someone who this appealed to, and it really has nothing to do with feeling any sort of insecurity about my relationship, personal confidence, or sexuality.

Post # 65
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I think it is so wrong. A lap dance in my head is grinding on a man’s private parts and it will most time give him an erection, something I sometimes use as foreplay, where is the line between that and a kiss and which is worse. For me it is just dry sex.

Post # 66
Member
1889 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

If he lied about it I wouldn’t be ok with it. In your case he was open and honest with you and told you what was going on I would be ok with it 

Post # 67
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

This thread has been surprisingly tame so far! I already commented but just reading through the replies, I just wanted to add that “not being comfortable” with your guy going to strip clubs or having lap dances doesn’t make you any less secure than the bees who are all “ yeah my guy can get a lap dance tits in the face YOLO”. Not to be rude but just because you “allow” your significant other to be more… explorative… with women in a strip club setting doesn’t make you any more secure or show you have a better relationship than anyone else.

I know several women who have been very permissive with what their boyfriends do in regards to strip clubs and while some were in healthy relationships, some were also cheating on each other and had no respect for each other whatsoever. 

I also know many women (including much of my own family, especially older generations) that weren’t okay with their husbands going to strip clubs and found it disrespectful – and many of their husbands never even entertained the idea nor did they find it appealing, because they respected their partner. And they are all happily married for the last 30-40 years. 

I think as women there is a lot of pressure to feel like we have to be the “cool girlfriend” or we will be judged by our significant other, their friends, etc… let’s please try not to judge each other as being insecure or in an unstable relationship just because we aren’t comfortable with something that you are. 

 

*end rant*

 

Post # 68
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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futuremrs2020 :  I too am surprised by the number of bees who are “totally cool” with private strippers. Where I live, they are incredibly common at bachelor parties. The girls do a fully naked show and sit on the guys faces, push dildos out of their vaginas, pop out lollipops and hand them to people to eat etc etc.  My question is, why do we as women need to find a place in our hearts to be “ok” and accepting of this behaviour? I worry that we are socially conditioned to try and be cool about it. Kudos to those of you who are genuinely fine, I wish I was. I also think it hasn’t nothing to do with trust/jealousy and a lot to do with respect for ourselves/other women and challenging pack mentality. My partner has attended parties such as these in the past, but understands that I am not happy for him to participate in future. He completely understands and says there’s usually a small group who steps outside when this part of the night rolls out, as their partners don’t approve. While my partner says the shows are more funny than sexual, I appreciate that he doesn’t defend the practice. One of my girlfriends was so devastated that her husband had private strippers at his bachelor party that she cried for a couple days. Why should a moment of pleasure come at your partner’s expense/sense of security? Should she have put her feelings aside and played it cool? She felt enormously disrespected and I side with her on this matter. I don’t think this makes me uptight, perhaps contrary to popular belief. 

Post # 69
Hostess
10430 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

So, my husband has only ever been to one private stripper event where she came to the guy’s house. It was out of control, from the stories I’ve heard. She put a sucker in her vagina, and had the groom pull out the stick end with his teeth. She masterbated in front of all the men on a tarp. She let men snort drugs off her ass… 

Post # 70
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

This is all a fantastic point. I will say this; one of my half sisters in her 20s is a stripper. She does all kinds of things, including bachelor parties. She’s respectful of boundaries with everyone. I think because I’m very close to her and she’s intelligent, respectful and responsible I see things differently. She grew up a “normal,happy childhood” and strips at her own volition. That’s just what she wants to do and wouldn’t cross a line. But that’s just my opinion and experience of course, I love reading others perspective though!

 

Post # 71
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

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DrAtkins :  OMG when I was in my early 20s at a party I saw cocaine being snorted out of this naked girls ass (don’t know if it was a stripper or not) it was… 🤭🤭🤭🤭

Post # 72
Hostess
10430 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

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newgirldee :  Yup, super classy right? 

Also to the OP – the groom told his Fiance that he didn’t do *any* of that stuff. She believed him. The truth? Since he was the groom he got the most attention and, TBH, I don’t think she would have gone through with the wedding had anyone told her what he actually participated in that night.

Post # 73
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

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ne11y23 :  “My question is, why do we as women need to find a place in our hearts to be “ok” and accepting of this behaviour? I worry that we are socially conditioned to try and be cool about it. Kudos to those of you who are genuinely fine, I wish I was. I also think it hasn’t nothing to do with trust/jealousy and a lot to do with respect for ourselves/other women and challenging pack mentality.”

THANK YOU! I’m so sick of girls saying “Well if you trust him, you should be fine with it!” No. Just no. Why should I have to force myself to be ok with the idea of my guy leaving me at home so he can go pay some other woman to dance around naked on top him for his sexual entertainment? In what world is this fair to women? Lol I can rant about this all day.

Post # 74
Hostess
10430 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

On a somewhat related note, could you imagine if you received $4k in money towards a great honeymoon from these people instead of them blowing it on some stranger to masterbate in front of them? 

Post # 75
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

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ne11y23 :  thank you!! You and notmeeither put it perfectly! 

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