(Closed) is anyone ignoring the kids at weddings etiquette?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Are you ignoring etiquette rules about children at your wedding
    Yes, I'm inviting some people's kids and not others (no rhyme or reason) : (34 votes)
    47 %
    No, a rule is a rule and it's rude to invite some people's kids and not others : (20 votes)
    28 %
    yes and no (please explain) : (18 votes)
    25 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    310 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    We are not inviting children to our wedding, and I am putting that information on my invites. Im not traditional at all and with this, I could care less about etiquette.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1638 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Aisling10: The issue you will run into is guests getting upset they had to leave their precious terrors at home.

    For our wedding, we included in the invite a note that said “Due to the reverence of the ceremony and because the reception will last late into the evening, children under 13 can not be accomidated”

    Everyone left their babies home becuase they wanted a night out to drink. My SIL had to bring our 2yo nephew however because we did not have anymore money for a babysister and my DHs family is from 15 hours away.

    My family was miffed at my for allowing my new nephew there but what could I do?

    It is either all or nothing. But you could say that on your invite and then secretly let those you like know they can bring their kidsTongue Out but make sure it stays quiet

    Post # 5
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Kids were not invited to our wedding but we made exceptions for immediate family.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3461 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Interesting post.  I too have wondered about this idea of ettiquette, because we certainly don’t invite every adult we know.  We pick and choose and invite those we are close to, whether that is a coworker, friend or relative.  Why the distinction for kids, the rule that if you invite one, you must invite all or folks’ feeling will be hurt?  (And by this I’m more talking about the feelings of the big kids, the adults.)  Frankly, why *can’t* you invite only those kids that you actually know?  Now I understand why you can’t pick and choose kids within a family.  But if you see John’s kids every other week when you have dinner with him, but have never met Sally’s, why do you have to invite Sally’s if you want to invite John’s?

    We are not inviting any kids under 12 living at home except my nephew, who will likely be ring bearer and is son of my Maid/Matron of Honor.  He’s our only nephew(/niece) and we see him regularly as part of the immediate family, so if folks don’t understand why he is invited, they are unreasonable and overly sensitive.  (The 12 line is drawn because we both have cousins still living at home age 13, 15, 17 that there is no question will come, because we actually see them.  Most of our friend’s kids are 6 and younger.)  We would let the groomsman bring his twins, age 9 months, except they’ve already told us they want a night off.

    ETA: My one dilemna is a high school friend who told me she won’t fly out there if her kids aren’t invited, even by herself and leaving hubby at home.  Fair enough, I appreciate the cost of tickets with kids (although she isn’t the only one flying).  We are throwing a casual BBQ rehearsal dinner in the afternoon that kids are welcome at, but if she wants her kid at the reception as well, the only way I can see to do that would be to have her daughter as flower girl.  I’ve haven’t decided one way or the other. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    4887 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I’m also breaking the rules by putting “we hope you will take advantage of a fun night out and kindly request that this event be adults only”… RIGHT ON THE INFO CARD!  AHHHHHH

     

    Anyway. Ours is different because we’re only having FI’s nieces as our flower girls, and thats it.  I didn’t really even want them, but it’d cause an uproar otherwise. YOu can invite whomever you want at the end of the day, but you should be prepared for people to be SUPER pissed if you tell them they can’t bring their kid, but they see a bunch of other kids there.  Keep in mind your wedding is one day, and the consequences of a pissed off parent or family member could last for way, way longer.

    Post # 8
    Member
    879 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I voted the first option BUT I do have a rhyme and reason for it.

    I am only inviting children I know and am close to.  Such as my sisters children and those of my close friends.  There are some couples (both family and friends) I am inviting that I really don’t know the kids, or they are friends from work and things like that, and there kids will not be invited.  One example is my Uncle.  I catch up with him frequently but I never see his there kids.  His eldest I have met once, and the other two I have never met.  And the eldest just started high school.  But he is living in a strange marital situation….(he is basically a door mat and is looking after his wife and her boy friend that she shipped in from the states who doesn’t have a work visa.)

    ANYWAY that is besides the point

    I love kids at Weddings, but I am reserving the priveledge for those kids I know in at least more than a passing manner.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    2442 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Invite who you want.  Some of your invitations will invite an entire family, children and all, and some will only invite the adults of a houshold.  I don’t see it as being any different from inviting some coworkers and not others.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    6597 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Are these teens old enough be home alone?

    If yes, I don’t think there is any problem only inviting the parents.

    I think if you know the kids as much as you know the parents you should invite them. If you only know the parents I don’t see the point of inviting the kids.

    I think it only gets complicated and is an all or nothing situation when you are talking about close friends and family and their children that you know well!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    We are inviting some kids, but not others. It all started because of FI’s family. From the day I met them, the mother of “the kids”, Future Mother-In-Law, and FI’s grandma told me how horrible these kids are. Their behavior has no words. When Fiance and I get engaged, the whole family said it would be a good idea not to bring “the kids” along (ages 11, 8, 5). Fiance and I thought that was a good idea because he cannot stand his cousins, except for “the kids'” sister, who is 21 and a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Well, on my side, all of my cousins would be invited except my 7 year old cousin, who I just made a Flower Girl to get around the “rule”. BUT, Fiance has relatives from Out of Town with kids, a total of 3 (ages 15, 8, 7). All of them are very well behaved, so we’re going to say that since they are Out of Town, they are invited.

    FI’s grandma is already giving me a hard time. She and Future Mother-In-Law told me at Thanksgiving that if we say ‘no kids’ that means absolutely no kids. Well, they aren’t paying a dime, Fiance doesn’t like the kids, and from day 1, the whole family told me it would be best not to invite the kids….so they can shut up and leave me alone.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1498 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Somewhat. We are having a “no kids 10 and under” rule, and there are a couple guests with kids in that age. One of them is my very close first cousin, who was 3 other siblings (youngest of whom is 19) who will be there, so it doesn’t make sense not to invite him. Another, more distant, cousin of mine has 4 or so kids (I honestly don’t even know how many) with ages ranging 2 yrs to 30ish yrs, but none of her kids will be invited because I hardly know any of them. It’s not favoritism/rudeness, it’s just the fact that I’m close with one of the kids and have never even met the others, so why would I uninvite the one I’m close to, or invite the ones I’ve never met, just to be “equal”?

    Post # 14
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I don’t agree with the “all or nothing” mentality when it comes to children and weddings. Most of the “kids” that we included were teenagers with the exception of our Ring Bearer who was 6. We did not include any other children (not even our niece who was 6 weeks old at the time). The children who we did include were there because they were either in the wedding (my cousins 2- ushers and 1- RB) or from Out of Town (DH’s cousins).

    I touched on the exceptions on our website so that atleast the info was out there. I let it be known ahead of time that while it was an “adults only” wedding, the kids who were part of the bridal party and any from Out of Town (thankfully just DH’s 2 cousins) would be in attendance. There was not a single complaint or douchebag rule breaker who took it upon themselves to bring their offspring. Those who were parents found sitters for their kids and considered our wedding a night off. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    5093 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    We invited the children of all the out-of-town guests.  What that means is that the only kids who will show up are FI’s cousins, my two former students (who are the daughters of a bridesmaid and will be the flower girls), and then three more randoms.  People might get miffed, but they can deal with it.

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