(Closed) Is anyone NOT having BM’s – and did you receive grief for the decision?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Im not having a bridal party aside from flowergirl, junior bridesmaid/ring girl and best man. I have three sisterrs & plenty of girl cousins – but I just didnt want to bother anyone with having to buy a dress and if I picked one I would have to pick the others, etc.

Some people question my decision – but I could care less. It does kind of suck b/c I am doing alot, my mother helps, but my sisters are off doing there own things, which I totally understand. But sometimes I think would they have preferred if I told them to wear a $150 dress that they probably wouldnt even like or wear again and be forced to help me – rather than hope they would just help out a bit and plan my bachlorette party, etc.

Seriously, one asked me the other day what I was  doing for my bachelorette – I was like, seriously, I have to plan that to – well I refuse. One volunteered to do it – which I was hoping one would – seriously.

But I never really wanted a bridal party – it just complicates things a bit more than they already are – increases costs for the attendants and the couple & brings unnecessary drama.

 

Post # 4
Member
200 posts
Helper bee

I was planning to forgo the wedding party, but my guy wanted his best man so I asked my sister to be my best woman. She lives on a different continent and will be arriving here in town just a couple of days before the wedding. IOW, she hasn’t done a thing to help. My mother lives on the other coast to me but has still done a tremendous amount for the decor of the reception.

Post # 5
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

No formal ceremony = no bridesmaids, which would be men in my case, as my two best friends are men! 😛

Post # 6
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

i’m not having a bridal party, and no one has said anything about it. my sister and my really good friend are doing a lot of things and i’m going to be relying on them a lot, so i guess they are my de facto bridal party but we didn’t feel an urge to choose bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Post # 7
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

  I was not going to have any bridesmaids and man did I get grief for it!  One "friend"  went on and on about how much work I was going to have all to myself and how I would feel bad looking back on my pictures in a few years that no one was beside me…eentually I gave in and picked a few friends…namely the ones who had never criticized me for not wanting a party in the first place, lol. I am happy that I picked them because they really are special ladies and they have given me some great ideas but I certainly could hae lived without the dress selection stress!!

Post # 8
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2000

I’m not having either and people have asked but nobody gave me any grief.

I wonder if I will have a ‘friends’ shower but I don’t know if it will happen.  I’m having a shower given by family…anyway, I won’t expect a bachelorette either. I didn’t want to pick any friends out to be ‘favorites’ and leave others out. Also, I just wanted to have it about me and the groom. Plus I didn’t want to make things more complex then it already is.  I think if I had to do it over again..I know who I’d choose… I think I don’t want to spend the money is a  huge factor but then I don’t go around telling everyone that.

Post # 9
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I am not having a wedding party besides my Maid/Matron of Honor and flower girl.

I did not receive any grief from anyone about my decision. We did, however, receive grief from my FI’s boys. They are like his brothers and one in particular was disappointed that we decided not to have a wedding party. I understand his disappointment but our plans had changed. Since we are having our wedding at a hall, there was really no reason to extend our party.

Post # 10
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I thought about not having a bridal party and I wish I had stuck with that, instead of going ahead and having one. They are causing me a ton of stress and aren’t helping with anything!

Post # 11
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

We aren’t having a bridal party either! Our mothers are signing as our witnesses (and walking down the center aisle to light the unity tapers — and secretly be in the back helping me get ready!). My 10 year old nephew is walking me down the aisle, then he will sit with his family in the pews. There isn’t a lot of room in the front of the church, and we are having a small, immediate family wedding….so it wasn’t fair to pick 1 or two people to stand up with us "by default."

 If we did choose to have a bridal party, it would be a mix of random friends and family who wouldn’t know eachother, and to me the best part is having a group of friends that all know eachother and have a ball. If I was that girl that had the best group of friends from HS or College, it’d be fun. But I’m not, we have both grown apart from our various friends over the years. 

Post # 12
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m having my brother and he’s having a best man, but we have no other wedding party. Our wedding is very small (20 people). No one has given me grief about it, but I’ve found that I do need to know when to ask for help. People can’t read minds, so if I want something (shower, bach. party, help with decorations, etc.) I’m going to have to mention it. I’m not sitting around and hoping someone will just pitch in with something and feeling disappointed when they don’t. I’m just straight up asking them. I think that removes a lot of the ambiguity that friends might feel when they aren’t part of the wedding party but you want them to be involved. If they were bridesmaids, they would know that they’d have to help with/plan certain things, but since they’re not BMs, they may not know what you expect of them or how you’d like them to help. Ms. Guava-Tini and others, I’d go ahead and ask your sisters for what you expect/hope to get from them as far as their participation. They may not even know you’d like the help!

Post # 13
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

We’re not having much of one — we’re having a maid of honour and a best man. And…they are not our siblings. We aren’t getting flack for the first, but I think a few people have been brought up shocked by the second part.

We are planning on involving our siblings, but we didn’t want a wedding party, and I wanted my best friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. 

Post # 14
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We are not having bridesmaids or groomsmen (or a flower girl or ring bearer, for that matter), and so far I have not had any complaints. If anyone does complain, I will just tell them that I want them to enjoy the day rather than stand around in dresses they won’t wear again.

I think so many of the wedding traditions just don’t really make sense anymore, so why keep them?

Post # 15
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We’re not having a bridal party, and everyone has been supportive.  I’ve explained our reasoning (wanting a simple wedding, having friends cross-country, cost) and asked everyone that would like to be with us on the day of (and before) to do so as they see fit. 

My closest friends don’t love close anyway, so I wasn’t expecting a lot of help.  My mom, my Fiance, my Mother-In-Law and me….getting everything done! 

Post # 16
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I am not having a bridal party! Right when I got engaged I hired a wedding planner, began my process … and realized that my ideal situation is to only have my sister stand as my Maid/Matron of Honor and no bridal party … ie bridesmaids. In my opinion, having bridesmaids only makes things more complicated. I rather have all of my friends come as guests and have the time of their lives having fun with me. I don’t want them to work for me as maids.

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