Post # 1
We have 10 people in our bridal party (5 bm, 5 gm), and I would love to find a way to have all of them (or whoever wants to at least) toast us or share a moment/quick sentiment about us at our wedding reception, rather than doing typical Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor speeches. My Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister and my FI’s Best Man is his brother. While we are very close with both of them, they haven’t been around us as a couple as often as our friends due to them both living a little farther away. My sister also really doesn’t like speaking in public, so I thought this might also be a good way to make her feel more comfortable/take the pressure off of having an amazing toast. By no means do I want this to take up 20 minutes – I’m thinking a few quick thoughts from each person (or whoever wants to participate) or even a combined toast from the bm and another from the gm.
What do you think? Has anyone ever done something like this or been to a wedding where something similar was done in place of traditional toasts?
Post # 2
People don’t even really enjoy the “mandatory” toasts, much less 8 additional toasts.
If you do this, I’d suggest that the toasts be pre-written (absolutely no off-the-cuff speaking) and timed (hence the pre-writing) so that it is the same length as your guests would sit for the MOH/BM speeches (combined)
Post # 3
Please don’t make your guests sit though 10+ toasts. That is just way too much. I’ve been to weddings where everything in the wedding party gave a toast and it was awful. It always takes forever and it’s so boring for your guests.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
We chose to, with four groomsmen and three bridesmaids. We told them though that they had one minute each. It was actually quite sweet 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
hikingbride : Agreed. PLEASE don’t do this. I’m sure it seems cute and has sentimental value to you but it will bore your guests to tears. The only toast we plan on is a brief one minute or less thank you to our guests so everyone is thanked and acknowledged at the reception.
Post # 6
or if you do, let them do it at the rehersal dinner… there is nothing worse than being a guest and just wanting to get to dancing and listening to 20 people drone on and on… it’s not open mic night and your speeches will take FOREVER.
Parents Bride, Parents Groom, Maid/Matron of Honor, Best Man, B&G… these are the only people who should have access to a mic.
Post # 7
- Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016
If your Maid/Matron of Honor and Best Man don’t seem overly thrilled with giving toasts, they certainly aren’t mandatory. My Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t give a toast, and I didn’t feel like I needed to have the other bridemaids “make up” for it. I think you should talk to your bridal parties and see who actually wants to give a toast, and if no one feels comfortable speaking in front of everyone, then maybe there just won’t be any.
Post # 8
I hate giving toasts. Please don’t ask all of your wedding party give a toast to make them feel “involved”. Guaranteed, at least one of them will feel the same as me and hate the idea but they might be too shy to say something. People should only give a toast if they want to and offer. It does not need to be the best man or the Maid/Matron of Honor if neither of those people actually want to
Post # 9
Please don’t. It’s painful enough to sit through a Bridesmaid or Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor speech, I can’t imagine sitting through 10 even if they are 2 mins long. I went to a wedding that had 2 Bridesmaid or Best Man and 2 Maid/Matron of Honor and it was so hard to sit through 4 speeches.
Post # 10
We’re doing an unofficial open mic at our rehearsal dinner for everyone else to speak!
Post # 11
droses : Please do not do that to your guests. This would be more suitable for the rehearsal dinner.
If you are not extremely close to the couple, ususally the toasts are boring and long —not to mention 8!!!! And then you have the father of the bride speech too. So 9.
If your sister doesnt love public speaking, maybe she can speak at the rehearsal instead, there is no mandate that the Maid/Matron of Honor MUST speak at the wedding.
Post # 12
I think that sounds quite long, but I appreciate the idea behind it. I personally think that only people who want to give speeches should give them, not necessarily the people who are “expected” to. So maybe think about who in your wedding party would be most excited to speak, and ask them to give one?
Post # 13
Thanks everyone for feedback! I was just throwing it out there as an idea, and I totally understand guests not wanting to sit through lots of speeches (neither would I). I was thinking more of a quick, quick thing, but I like the idea of potentially opening it up to people at the rehearsal dinner.
Post # 14
I think those speeches mean more to those who are really close to the bride and groom … most likely those who would attend the rehearsal dinner. To the rest of the guests they are something traditional, and therefore expected, but are only mildly cute/entertaining under the best of circumstances – when someone is very gifted at public speaking. They are sometimes cringworthy. I don’t think many guests would be saddened to have fewer speeches at the reception.
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
I went to one wedding where every bridal party member gave toasts. IMO, it was weird and drug on forever, with a lot of inside jokes that were lost on the audiance.
Another wedding, which I liked a lot more included toasts from the best man, Maid/Matron of Honor, brother of the groom and father of the bride. The toast from the father of the bride was my absolute favorite!! So personal, and just lovely.