Is being child free offensive to people who can't have kids?

posted 2 years ago in No Kids
Post # 46
Member
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ummm…no.

It took a long time to get pregnant with my son, and I’ll be honest, my CFBC best friend was my number one support system. Cuz selfishly, I knew she wasn’t going to get pregnant in a month, or even want to. I would never have to hear from her how I should just relax, or how OMG OOPS! they got knocked up!

IDGAF about other people’s choices when it comes to this, and TBH I find most of the people I know who are CFBC are less likely to  bring that stuff up. It was always my super-fertile relatives who would ask me at Christmas dinner, and make me want to cry. I imagine CFBC people are sick of being asked themselves and probably have more discretion because of that.

Post # 47
Member
2019 posts
Buzzing bee

Darling Husband and I have been TTC for almost a year, and had a miscarraige last fall. What annoys/offends me way more is people who are like “yeah, we arent really sure if we want to be parents, but we’ll see what happens”. Or people who say “we didnt want kids, but we got drunk one night and now I’m preggo!” 

Someone choosing to be CFBC doesn’t offend me at all. just because you may be physically able to have a child doesn’t mean you HAVE TO, just for the sake of people who want one and are having troubles getting/staying pregnant. 

Post # 48
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee

bee123456789 :  I think your mom is wrong, although I suppose it depends on the person involved.

I am infertile. Before I decided I was CFBC, it did not offend me to hear other women say they did not want children.

Your personal choice has nothing to do with your cousin’s struggle.

Are you supposed to lie and pretend you want children, to… avoid upsetting a woman who can’t get pregnant? That doesn’t make sense to me.

I suppose some people would get offended to hear you say it, but that seems like a Them problem, not a You problem.

Post # 49
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

No, I don’t see how it could be.

Post # 50
Member
6292 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

saratiara2 :  I must say I do enjoy your posts and pretty much always agree. And this one was no different. Your comment about CFBC people often being almost reluctant to share that information really struck a chord, and I wish others saw it as you do.

I’m less reluctant these days to share my CFBC ‘status’, but every time I do I still have to think about it: is the person asking likely to take offence? Or go off on one about how it is my duty to have children? Etc etc. There are still times I choose to remain quiet or deflect, because I just cannot deal with the negativity. I think this is why so many CFBC people, and CFBC women particularly, do often feel the need to lie/white lie/sugar coat.

Post # 51
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 1993

We struggled with infertility for years. The only thing that really bothered me was people feeling like they needed to tiptoe around me. I hated that my friends and family felt that they needed to censor their comments when I was around. That’s what made me feel like an outsider and hurt me far more than a pregnancy announcement ever could.

It also would not bother me one bit to hear someone say that they did not want children or that they wanted to adopt.

 

 

Post # 52
Member
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

barbie86 :  it blows my mind that anyone would “take offense” to you making the right choice for your family.

Obviously I’m not CFBC so i don’t “get it”, but i do think as women we can all (unfortunately) relate to being judged for our reproductive choices: whether it’s bc you should have kids, or should have had them sooner, or should have more.

It bugs me that any of us have to censor our choices or comments bc it’s nobody’s business to have an opinion on!

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