(Closed) Is being married different from being engaged?

posted 11 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Does being married feel very different than being engaged?

    Yes! I'll explain why below.

    No. I'll explain why below.

    Honey! I'm not married yet and I wanted to vote for something...

  • Post # 17
    Member
    1718 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

    I definitely feel like we’ve become more responsible to each other… like if I’m/he’s away on a trip, we call/text each other several times a day. I feel like we used to not really check in with each other if we’d go away before we were married. I feel this intense desire to just be home with him all the time, and based on the amount he calls me when he’s away, I feel like he feels the same! I am surprised that our relationship feels much more intense now than before, despite being together 7 years before we got married. Now I feel like we’re magnets, and the farther away we are from each other, the stronger the attraction! 🙂 It is a wonderful feeling to feel so securely loved. Being married is the best, and I say it out loud every day!

    Post # 18
    Member
    3331 posts
    Sugar bee

    You know, I really started thinking about this after I read your post.  People have been asking me if I felt differently post-wedding and I’ve been saying that I don’t.  Day-to-day life hasn’t changed much for us, since we’ve lived together for several years. 

    However, I’ve been reflecting on your post and I definitely agree with your first point.  My parents divorced when I was really young and I really have been looking for stability/security in my own relationships.  It’s so important to me that my marriage has that feeling and I really do feel so supported and secure with myself and our relationship.  Making that committment in front of our friends and family really solidified what I know we’ve been feeling for a while. 

    Wow, I’m getting a little choked up thinking about this.  Thanks for the perspective check, DG.  I think I’m going to give my *husband* (I still like saying this) a big hug and kiss when I see him tonight!  Also, FWIW, I was totally afraid I would cry like a baby at the wedding.  However, I didn’t cry at all.  I was just happy and couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face!!

    Post # 19
    Member
    1363 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    We’ve only been married for a week, and I haven’t even made it back to work yet (starting back tomorrow).  BUT it does feel a little different already.  It seems calmer.  I think a lot of that is the stability that doctorgirl mentioned.  I’m sure some of the calm is coming down from wedding craziness, but it seems calmer than it did before we were engaged.  We too had been together for more than 7 years, living together for 2, but it just seems calm.  I hope it stays this way once real life returns!

    Post # 20
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2021 - Millenium Biltmore Hotel

    Interesting post! I think mdarrah described it perfectly from my perspective. The day to day is pretty much the same, but the commitment that we’ve made has made everything different (in a good way). I have been greatly affected by the ups and downs of my parents’ marriage, too. So I understand where you are coming from, doctorgirl.  

    Post # 21
    Member
    1998 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    Penguin, we’ve only been together for 1.5 years, but except for that, I could have written your post. Since the minute we got together we’ve gotten closer and closer and want to be apart less and less. It weirds me out a little because I’ve never been like this with anyone before. 😉

    I LOVE being married. It’s awesome.

    Post # 22
    Member
    796 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    I’m right there with Mrs. Glitter. Day to day, our lives are pretty much the same (we lived together before and during the engagement). But emotionally, I think something is different. We feel much more a “team” then we did, even though we were living together and sharing finances and our lives, but it just feels different. I can’t explain it! But I totally get what you are saying!

    Post # 23
    Member
    2143 posts
    Buzzing bee

    We lived together for about a year before we got married, but I feel a difference. As said by others, it’s just kind of hard to explain. I feel kind of like he is REALLY my other half now. I also feel HAPPY, which I’ve felt before, but now it’s just an overall contentment. as someone else said, it feels calm. I wouldn’t have picked that word on my own, but it fits. things just feel calm and right. It didn’t hit me right away either and when people asked, I was saying that it just seemed the same. Took some time to settle in. Mr. Joe says he doesn’t notice a difference though lol

    Post # 24
    Member
    14181 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Hmmm, how come you other two ladies out there who clicked “no” aren’t owning up to it with me? Wink

    Post # 25
    Member
    1205 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I voted “no” because I don’t feel very different. My feeling about my partner has grown the longer we’ve been together. Although I see that the public declaration in front of friends and family is important (that’s why we did it all, of course) and also the change in marital status is important at work, socially, etc; no — I don’t feel different.

    I think I’ve posted on a similar question that I feel differently about our extended families. I think that all the good things have stayed the same between the two of us, but since we’ve been married there’s the added pressure of questions like, “did you change your name?” or the very real effects that his parent’s crazy decisions can have on us if he needs to give them money.

    We were talking today about his sister’s relationship, my SIL, and how he’ll be on her side no matter how silly, selfish, or irrational her actions are. I think that at some point we’ll get to that kind of unconditional love between each other, but we’re not there yet. No, that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t have gotten married, and for all the things that are likely to come up we’re on each others’ sides, but not in that family way. We do have that kind of love where you know you love each other even when you fight, and we don’t have the option of ending things — we agreed that we’d take that off the table before we were engaged — but I do think that at some point there is a possibility that something could come up that would break things between us. I think this is the reality of divorce, not some fear or secret that I have. I think this is most likely to come up in situations we can’t predict, maybe how to care for our children or parents.

    That said, I think this awareness and desire for continued growth in our relationship is a good thing. I don’t think that marriage changed our desire for that unconditional love, or made it “all okay” — rather, our marriage is a milestone that we want to celebrate our progress and our commitment.

    Post # 26
    Member
    5988 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I voted yes as im married and this is somthing i never imagined that i would be and there it is….. someone said they loved me enough for it to be forever and i believe in my heart that it will be forever and forever is a pretty dammed long time!

    we are a team, we are eachothers family now – its us taking on the world and all that it throws at us and i know we’re there for eachother with no option to walkout

    for me, its not “just a piece of paper”

     

    Post # 27
    Member
    631 posts
    Busy bee

    I voted yes — Doctorgirl you put it so well — you articulated what I haven’t been able to!  There is a feeling of security, of being united with this person for better or worse.  The support of family feels that much more real.  Being married truly is the best, and I say a prayer of thanks every day!  Thank you for your post!!!

    Post # 28
    Member
    92 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    This thread always makes me tear up — I really hope I have these feelings after I’m married as well!

    Post # 29
    Member
    340 posts
    Helper bee

    I love reading everyone’s posts they are sweet!

    ejs4y8 – Have you gone to see your husband on post since you got married or is he too far away? I bet not having to go through the trouble of getting a visitor’s pass will be a good change from before you got married. They give us “not quite wifes” so much trouble sometimes haha.

    Post # 30
    Member
    202 posts
    Helper bee

    Thank you for your thoughts. I got teary-eyed imagining my Fiance and I sharing our love out loud in front of everyone we love.  I never realized how big of a step it all really is. Your post has encouraged me and I definitely have something great to look forward to!

    Post # 31
    Member
    2204 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I feel the same way as Penguin and Bunny.

    We keept getting closer, wanting to spend more time together, check in more often and talk more.

    We didn’t live together before marriage and we were very far apart so I knew marriage was going to feel and be very different from our engagement in many ways.  But the biggest things are the emotional, social and spiritual connections that come with marriage and commitment.  They keep getting deeper.

    Marriage is tons more fun than i thought it would be too.  We can do whatever we want, together.  We make little surprised for eachother, cook dinner, watch tv shows, work out together.  We live intertwined lives, and I love it.

    The topic ‘Is being married different from being engaged?’ is closed to new replies.

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