Post # 1
I am feeling pretty hearbroken at what should be one of the happiest times in my life. My best friend for over 6 years has been distant lately, and has ignored me since New Year’s Eve. Here’s a little background: This best friend has been in a pretty toxic relationship for over a year now, and has been living with the guy for most of that year. They fight constantly, he is unemployed, uses her as an ATM (her words), and she has not been happy (her own words) for a long time because of the way he treats her. One minute she’s mad at him, the next, she’s hanging all over him and telling him she loves him. This best friend also drinks, and when she wants to go out and get a lil tipsy, she always seems to call on me to be her Dirty Delete or her protector (…hey, I may be small, but I can pack a punch when necessary lol). Anyway, ever since I have become engaged, her actions towards me have become distant. She wanted to have people over for New Year’s eve, and I was going to go until the day before New Year’s Eve; my Fiance had to get up at 2am for his 12 hour shift (he didn’t even make it to the ball dropping in Times Square, poor thing), I had to work a long shift also New Year’s Eve, and we just wanted to stay home rather than drive the 45 minutes-an hour to their house. I sent her a text explaining the situation, and told her I would love to make it up to her, her response? “Whatever”…haven’t heard from her since then. I have tried to apologize, make it up to her, and even just get a “hi” from her..nothing.
Did I do something wrong? I feel awful as it is, and I think I am wearing my Fiance out about it (…in his words I didn’t do anything wrong). Please help, it hurts to know that one of my best friends is so mad at me for some reason…I wanted to share my excitement with her and jump up and down with her about it, but it’s as if she could care less…
Post # 3
It’s not your fault. You cannot be responsible for another’s happiness. However considering her relationship has been rather lack lustre to say the least, maybe she just fears losing you. I think it’s worth talking to her. Engagements can be hard for some friends as they worry about how this will affect your friendship. However, aside from this, don’t worry too much about her reaction, more so it probably has nothing to do with you but is more so about her own unhappiness.
Post # 4
To me, it doesn’t sound like she is jealous. It sounds like she is just mad you blew her off for New Year’s Eve.
Post # 5
Its really hard for some people who are unhappy with their relationship to put on a happy face and jump up and down with their happily engaged friends. I try to talk about wedding things with other friends who are in stable relationships even if they aren’t my best friend. However, she might just be mad about New Years so lets go with that. You should talk to her and tell her you refuse to throw away the friendship over missing a party and see how she reacts to that. Its kind of in her court at some point to make the next move.
Post # 6
She’s probably just afraid of losing you. You won’t be her Dirty Delete as much anymore. And she already got a taste of losing you when you weren’t at her party. Even though you had good reason not to be, and she probably understands the reason. It’s just that she still feels like you are going to go your separate ways when you are married because that is what happens to most people.
Post # 7
Update: I texted her today, again, asking for forgiveness, and how I really do miss her and hearing how she is doing. I told her I would love to clear the air and talk it out, but unfortunately, never heard back from her. We, along with two other of my best friends, are supposed to hang out on Sunday, so if all is forgiven, I am hoping she will show up and we can just laugh at this stupid lil situation; however, if she continues to ignore me and give me the cold shoulder on Sunday, I may just let it go and move on, letting her know that I am still here for her, just won’t bother her until she is ready to talk to me :). I am so thankful for all of your advice and kind words. It just hurts to know that some friendships seem to fade away as you move in a different direction than the rest of the pack. I am the first in my group of friends to get married, so it’s going to be an adjustment for everyone, but I know it’ll all be okay :). Thanks again Bees for letting me know I’m not alone in situations such as these.