MemberWe’re trying to finalize the wording for our invitations. Fiance wants “black tie preferred”. If you saw that on an invitation, would you think the bride and groom are snobby? There’s just something about the word preferred that rubs me the wrong way, but it’s his preference…
MemberIf you want black tie, just say black tie. If you want guests to have an option, I would say black tie optional. I agree that black tie preferred sounds a little off.
MemberThat’s the thing, we don’t want people to feel obligated to buy/rent tuxes if they don’t have them. But we do want to indicate that it’s a formal wedding. So maybe optional would be better…
MemberIf you list anything about black tie, it implies you want them to buy a tux. You could just say “formal attire” or “semi-formal” which to me, both indicate dress pants, a dres shirt, and a tie for men and a cocktail dress for women. Also if your invitations look fancy, that’ll imply it’s a nicer wedding too
MemberMaybe instead of “black tie” you could say “formal attire encouraged”?
Member@ejs & @pharmy: we’d prefer that if guests don’t wear tuxes, they wear suits, not just a shirt and tie (I know, I sounds completely stuck up, don’t I?) so I feel like formal attire isn’t quite descriptive enough.
All the groomsmen and fathers will be in tuxes, bridesmaids in long dresses, and my mom, my Future Mother-In-Law, and my mom’s friends are all wearing gowns as well, if that makes a difference?
Is black tie optional itself really obnoxious too?
MemberWell..I guess that “black tie” is really the only way to get across the fact that you want them to wear tuxes….but, a lot of people don’t HAVE tuxes, and you said you don’t want people to go out and rent them soo…maybe you’re just going to have to bite the bullet on this one? You can’t control what everybody wears, try as you might (and wish as you might!).
MemberI don’t think you can specify “suit attire” necessarily. There is black tie and there is nothing.
Seriously guys do not wear their coats, even with a tux they’ll be taking them off. They’re really quite hot.
It’s not unusual for groomsmen+dads to be in tuxes and bridesmaids and older women to wear long gowns and the wedding still be “formal attire”
I don’t think black tie optional is going to make everyone think “hmm, i COULD wear a tux, but now i’m going to wear a suit and tie”
Honestly most of the older men will wear suit jackets. It’s the ones who are in their 20’s who won’t.
Member@pharmy: oh, I totally understand that not everyone has tuxes, and we definitely don’t expect people to go ahead and buy/rent them. Black/dark suits are totally cool too. So I guess optional is maybe my best bet. Preferred just seems…off, as @cakegal said. I just don’t want anyone showing up in jeans or anything like that (not that I think we have anyone who would, but you never know…).
HostessI would go with “black-tie optional”. It still let’s guests know that the wedding will be formal, but if they don’t own or don’t want to rent a tux they do not neccessairly have to. But still need to dress up at the same time w/ suit and etc.
MemberMemberhilsy85- It will mostly depend on what is traditional in your area, but I think you will only have a problem with the younger guys. Perhaps you fiance and the groomsmen could spread your preferences by word of mouth to their friends.
MemberI think “black tie optional” is good. For the people who don’t own tuxes, they’ll know that it’s formal enough to warrant a full suit, not just the pants, shirt, and tie. Even if you didn’t put anything, I think most guys would show up in a full suit. That’s pretty standard wedding attire for men. Do you want women to wear long or short dresses? If an invite says black tie, I’m going for a long dress. If it doesn’t, then I’m going with a nice cocktail dress.
Member@BostonBee: either would be fine, either a long dress or a very nice/fancy cocktail dress. And I agree, I think most men would show up in suits if we didn’t put anything. I just want people to know that they can wear tuxes if they want to (a lot of our family/friends have tuxes that they like to bust out!). I think we’re going to do black tie optional…thanks for the feedback everyone! 🙂
@cakegal: I feel like NYC is a more formal area for weddings, so even our friends will know to dress up–hopefully! I’ll definitely have Fiance pass the word to his buddies, just in case.
MemberBlack tie optional, to me, is the wording that people are used to seeing. I think it gets across the message you are going for.
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