for me, blood is absolutely not thicker than water.
I prided myself on maintaining limited contact with my mother, for me it was a testament of my healing from an emotionally abusive childhood. If I could maintain some minimal contact and still live a happy, healthy life, to me it meant my healing was complete.
Then I became pregnant with number two. A week after I told her (I told her last, though before a social media announcement) she lied about having cancer for the second time in our lives.
And she wrapped two of my sisters up in it, they lashed out at me and treated ME like I was the bad guy for being upset that she was caught lying about cancer AGAIN. They treated me in such disgusting, nasty ways that it caused a major rift. And only one person is to blame for that (aside from them not learning to disregard the bullshit my mother spews to them about me being a hateful vengeful unforgiving monster) and it’s my mother. She tried to drag me into the garbage by sending an innocent phishing message and I didn’t respond, I blocked her on everything. I haven’t looked back, she’s been blocked since November. She probably found out second hand that baby number two is a girl and I have no plans for her to meet the baby or to be a part of my life any time soon.
My sisters have been harder, but the longer it goes on, the more it makes sense to distance myself from them as well. They aren’t blocked but I don’t reach out to them and I grey rock if they reach out to me.
My one sister told me that we can’t move forward if I can’t apologize and see my wrong doing in this. She was unable to tell me what I did that she thinks I need to apologize for, she just told me that if I don’t know what I did, then I’m worse than she thought. She hasn’t spoken to me in months, she hasn’t asked about her niece or her unborn second niece, she hasn’t asked about how her pregnant sister is doing during the pandemic, she was radio silent on my birthday and Mother’s Day. The more time passes, the more solid I become in my decision to remove her from my life.
My other sister was running her mouth about having secrets that would destroy me if she spoke them (pretty sure she thinks I lock myself in a bathroom and shoot up heroin while pregnant and leaving my four year old unattended because that’s the garbage that my mother feeds people). She was saying I shouldn’t be a parent let alone having another one.
They have been harder because their toxicity is a relatively new realization.
But I don’t want that in my life. I don’t want to be guarded, I don’t want to have people around me who lie about me or who take vulnerabilities of mine and throw them in my face.
Eta, my sister wanted me to apologize for forcing her to treat me the way she treated me. She couldn’t tell me what I did and I asked her more than once. Toxicity 101