Post # 16
My husband and I both have pretty good relationships with our family. Our immediate family (parents and siblings) do come before most friends. We do each have friends that we consider the same as family though.
Extended family is another story though. While I’m on good terms with all of them, we aren’t close and I would say most of my friends would come before them.
I don’t think family has to be about who you are genetically or legally related to. Family is about who you can count on in rough times and who makes your life better when they’re in it. Sometimes that’s blood, sometimes it’s not. I don’t think people should be expected to tolerate “more” or toxic behavior from family just because they are family. Life is too short for that bullshit. Surround yourself with people who love and care about you, cut out the toxic people and don’t worry about whose is blood or not.
Post # 17
Ok, I just went back and read some previous threads of yours. You can’t force people to define family the same way you do. It may be that your friend just doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do about her. Just because you consider her as family does not mean she defines you that way.
Edited original post because I got you confused with another poster.
Another edit: oh, you are the woman with the in laws. It seems you have multiple people in your life who you’re upset at because they don’t see you as family. There’s not much you can do about it beyond letting it go.
Post # 18
It’s different for everyone. I wonder what your motivation for asking is. The way other people see it won’t change the way you or someone you know sees it.
My chosen family is the most important to me – my spouse and my kids will win out any day. All these relationships are contingent upon good behavior. I suppose I hold traditional blood family to a lower threshold; even if we don’t particularly like them, we will still generally see them from time to time and for holidays. I also give them more opportunities to screw up and make things better than I probably would a friend.
Post # 19
Bee, you seriously have an unhealthy obsession about this topic.
Post # 20
Post # 21
- Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey
For me I’d pick my family any day over any friend ever. I’m however, close to my family both core family and extended. All my friends came and go overtime.
Post # 22
I didn’t even catch that it is the obsessed poster. I’m really slipping.
Yes, OP, you have an unhealthy obsession about this. You cannot force someone else to see you in a certain way or treat you a certain way. You see things one way; they see them another. So LET. IT. GO.
Post # 23
i think its super dependant on the person.
For me, my parents and my fiance come first. Obviously my fiance isnt blood but i would give my life for him or for my parents. Theyre both equally as important.
I think for some people they would choose friends (or chosen family) over blood. That being said, i saw a pp wrote that her mother in law would use her as a human shield to protect their blood and i feel mine would do the same.