Post # 1
A friend of mine got engaged in January and decided to get married in Vegas this June. I am planning my own wedding so money is extremely tight but she is a good friend of mine so I decided that I needed to find the money to go. My plane and hotel alone are $600 and just found out that the dress and jewelry are $210 plus hair and makeup which is $170 and we are also going to have her bachelorette party out there which I’ve been told is going to be “extravagent” so I’m sure that will tack on at least another $200. Not to mention a bridal shower and who knows what else. Am I wrong to think that she’s asking a little too much? I should mention that she is supposed to be in my wedding, too, but my dress is $150 and I’m only asking the girls to get their hair done for $50. I specifically set out to try and make mine as affordable as possible and I don’t feel like she is doing the same. What do I do???
Post # 3
If you can’t afford it, just level with her. A destination wedding is expensive for everyone in the first place. Maybe don’t attend the bachelorette?
Post # 4
Are hair and makeup required? I’d skip it to save $. Nothing else sounds super unreasonable to me.
Post # 5
Honestly all a bride can expect is that you show up in a dress and stand beside her to support her. Anything else is extra.
Post # 6
That sounds like she’s asking a lot! I’m still a student (graduate school) so maybe I have a different sense of money than some people, but I don’t think I could be in a wedding that forced me to shell out $1000. When I get married, I’m hoping to either cover dress costs or everything-but-the-dress for my BMs. If they end up having to fly across the country, I’m going to foot the hotel for a group of them, but if I’m married in my hometown I know they can find places to stay, haha. Perhaps it’s just my circle, but I consider having them at my wedding as a privilege, not something that should require them paying a ton of money!
Post # 7
Are hair and makeup required? For my wedding I told the girls that I am paying for their hair, because I would like for everyone to have their hair done. I am having someone come in to do makeup as well, but it is optional, so any of my bridesmaids who would like their makeup done will have to pay for it, but I am not forcing anyone to have their makeup done. I have been in three weddings where the brides did the same thing.
Post # 7
I would talk with her about money being tight, and see if you really need to be at both the bridal shower and bachelorette, etc. Is it really necessary to spend $170 on hair/makeup, or can you do your own makeup at least?
Would it be possible to share a room with someone else you know who’s going to save money?
As far as the dress, if she’s already decided on it and people have been ordering it, there’s not much you can do about that except maybe to try to find a used one/cheaper location to buy it.
I think by talking to her well in advance and explaining the situation, she should understand where you’re coming from and do everything she can to help you out. Good luck!
Post # 8
I think it feels likes its too much because you have your own wedding coming up. If I were you I would step down. I was asked to be Bridesmaid or Best Man In a wedding right after mine I stepped down because it was too expensive for me [as well as other reasons]. If I hadnt had my own wedding I wouldnt have minded spending 200+ on a dress plus all the other stuff the bride wanted, but because of mine own wedding it all seemed to much for me.
Post # 9
I think she is still within her right to ask these things of you, especially because it is a destination wedding, however I personally know I could never expect so much from my friends.
I would definitely talk to her and let her know that while you still love and have plans on supporting her and her Fiance, maybe you should bow out gracefully while you still can, or work something out together financially.
Post # 10
The costs seem about right for Vegas, but I think she made it tough on you guys by planning just 6 months. That doesnt really give the bridal party much time to save money for it. Skipping the bachelorette might be an option, which would probably save you atleast 1 night of hotel expenses as well. Can you share a room with someone?
Post # 11
I am in the same situation as the bride. These are the things she wants for her special event so she should have it, but she should not be offended if you tell her you just cannot afford it. My Bridesmaid or Best Man unfortunately did not say anything until she showed up to my bachelorette party in Vegas and then made a huge scene about cost of drinks, cabs ect. Now I am having to kick her out of the bridal party due to a very dramatic, insulting weekend. Be up front if you cannot afford things so they can work it out accordingly.
Post # 12
Thanks for all the great advice everyone! @ bells I think you hit it right on the head that I think a lot of it is just due to the fact that I’m so overwhelmed with my own wedding. And @Kimberlybc you make a really good point. The last thing I want to happen would to have my frustrations come out at a really bad time. I’m definitley going to talk to her! Thanks again to everyone for letting me vent! 🙂
Post # 13
i personally don;t think its right for a bride to tell people they have to pay for certain tings. its great if they can, but if they cant, it shouldn’t be required. I asked my BMs to buy their dress which they all agreed to. I paid for one of them since she couldnt afford it and I was going to pay $100 towards my Bridesmaid or Best Man in New Zealand since she couldn’t order from netbride.com and would be paying $100 more than the other girls, which I didn’t think was fair. As for hair and makeup, i would LOVE my girls to get it done. but since i can’t afford it for them, it is not required. bachelorette party should also definitely not be a requirement if its going to cost you $200!! if you couldn’t afford the dress and to attend though, then you should have spoken up.
Post # 14
Just bring it up. Say that expenses are tight and you’re having trouble funding it all. Ask if you can do your own hair and makeup, and say that you might have to skip out on the stagette as well. Also let her know you would still love to stand up next to her, but you just can’t afford everything that’s coming along with it. She’ll either understand, and let you skip out on the stag, help you pay or she’ll kindly ask you to step down.
Post # 15
It’s not wrong for her to have different expectations of her BM’s but it also doesn’t obligate you to participate in it.
I’d just level with her and see what happens.