Is Cheating Ever Deserved?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Interesting article. While I don’t agree the cheating is ever deserved, the author makes a great point about the importance of respect. Being disrespectful and and emotionally cruel is just as much a breaking of the vows as cheating.

Post # 4
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

So, I wouldn’t say that anyone (including Kate Gosselin) deserves to be cheated on.  I mean, I agree that Kate Gosselin is a horrible, abusive woman and I think that it is true that Jon Gosselin does NOT deserve what he gets from her all day.  But no one deserves to have a spouse cheat.  They obviously needed to be in marital counseling looonnnng ago.  

Post # 5
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

never in a million years is cheating "deserved" that’s awful

 

while kate is no saint, never in a milion years does she deserve to be cheated on, if she treated him like crap they should have gone to counselling instead of relieving pressure thru extramarital affairs

Post # 6
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

The article raises some interesting points, and I absolutely agree that disrespect and verbal abuse are terrible things in a marriage.  But I have a problem with the idea that cheating is somehow an appropriate response.  I do understand why it would be appealing to have an affair when your spouse doesn’t treat you well, but cheating doesn’t solve the problem of disrespect in the marriage.  Someone like Jon needs to speak up and say that they can’t stand the way they’re being treated, that they’re miserable, and they want to work on having a healthier relationship, instead of suffering silently and then going outside the marriage for affection and support. 

Post # 7
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Never ever.  If someone feels like their spouse is disrespectful or badgering or whatever – they need to tell them about and work through it or make the decision to leave.  I’ve only watched the show a few times but yeah, Kate seemed really really overbearing to me, but it’s reality tv.  But even if she was 100x worse than depicted on television, she doesn’t deserve it. Nobody deserves to be cheated on.

Post # 8
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

You can drive someone to want to cheat, but actually cheating requires an act of volition that you can’t blame anyone else for. And if one partner breaks their vow to respect the other, it doesn’t give the other carte blanche to break their own vows.

People in emotionally abusive relationships need counseling, and sometimes they just need to leave. I don’t think cheating is ever okay; it’s just a way of avoiding the problem without making anything better, for yourself or anyone else.

Post # 9
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

First, cheating is NEVER deserved.  If you don’t love them or can’t respect your vows, then you should leave and divorce.  Period.  Cheating is just hurtful!  Second, cheating can affect the health of the other person, or your kids, or you.  It’s more permanent than saying something mean.  I think it’s just gross.  Third, cheating is cowardly.  Rather than address an issue and resolve it, you just get your kicks elsewhere and avoid the whole mess.  Truly cowardly.

Post # 10
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I don’t think cheating is ever deserved either. You talk about things and do everything in your power to make it right. In the worst possible case when you really can’t take anymore you get a divorce.

Post # 11
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

While I don’t agree with the author that cheating is ever "deserved" I do agree that cheating is rarely a "black and white" issue.  I believe that cheating is often the result of bad behavior by both partners who share equal responsibility in the healing/recovery process.  However, I wouldn’t go so far as to say "it shouldn’t be any surprise when you push him into the arms of someone else."  Sometimes cheating really is the result of a selfish, egotistical person who acted out unprovoked and without warning (I think Bellenga’s situation with her ex-husband is a perfect example of this).  And I think adultery is just as hurtful if you have a bad marriage as it is if you have a good marriage.

While it’s a ridiculous blank statement to say that the "cheat-ee" (is there another term for the person cheated on?) is never to blame for adultery, I also think it is completely wrong to say that all cheaters were "pushed" into an affair by disrespectful partners. 

Post # 12
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I do not believe cheating is EVER deserved. If things are really that bad then get some counseling or go your separate ways. Better yet, if things were bad before marriage, think twice before making that jump.

I have seen many relationships fall because of a cheating spouse. Can a relationship make it when one cheats? Sure. Will it be hard? Abso-freakin-lutely! My biggest problem is seeing one person cheat then instead of either working things out or breaking it up, the non-cheater goes and cheats for revenge. I saw this with my sister and her now ex-hubby and I absolutely HATED it.

@MightySapphire – you are absolutely correct. When one cheats they aren’t always effecting just the partner especially when kids are involved.

Post # 14
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Cheating sucks and just isn’t cool. At the same time though, one of my really good friends gets no attention from his wife, none! And she decided out of the blue, after they were together for a good number of years, that she had "found god" and that she was only going to have sex with him to make kids and she’s made it pretty clear that there will be no more kids. He told me the only reason they are together is for the kids, the love is gone.

So I kind of understand his position. On the other hand, i’ve been cheated on by every guy i’ve ever dated, minus my husband. What kind of crap is that?? And for no good reason!  So I see the other end of it, but then again I wasn’t in his position, so it’s different. But seriously, if there’s like no relationship and no love there, what else is a person left to do??

in most situations though, it’s not ok.

Post # 15
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I agree with what a lot of bees have said. MightySapphire is correct in saying it is cowardly. Yes, any kind of abuse is breaking your vows that were made to each other, but it does not give you a free pass to "get back" at them. I believe a lot of spouses do resort to cheating as a lack of communication between the two. If you have pledged your life to this person, you should definitely be able to say, "Hey, I have a problem with what is going on in our relatonship right now and I’d like to talk about it." I don’t watch Jon and Kate, but it sounds like she is pretty abusive to him. Moreso, I think dragging it out in the public eye is probably worse. When dealing with something so private, I think it is better to keep between you two or maybe just include one or two other confidants or a counselor that has no connection to either of you.

Post # 16
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

what about two wrongs don’t make a right.

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