Is Chivalry disappearing… ya probably.
But I’d also wager that is because as so often shown in this topic it is tied to a belief by the modern woman that in somehow it equates to a woman being oppressed (outright sexism) vs women being regarded as the magnificent creatures we are deserving of caring & respect by the men in our lives… our Fathers, our SOs, and our Sons*… which is a whole other ball of wax… and yet the modern woman seems to be confused by this fact
* Nothing annoys me more than a son who doesn’t respect his mother… no matter what his age (4, 24 or 44) by talking back to her, swearing in front of her or at her… maybe even gives her a shove now and then. All of this is becoming waaay too acceptable in our society. Sons should be taught by their fathers how to treat women. And that starts at home with how to respect one’s mother. So it is no wonder to me that men treat women as badly as they do.
(And WHY I get sooo dang angry when I read here on WBee a post by a woman with some guy who is disrespecting her… be that emotionally, sexually, physically whatever. WE tell the poor gal that SHE DESERVES BETTER… but we are slow to recognize and reward the men in our society that actually live this fact openly)
I would have to say that IMO the men today who exhibit good manners… and are gentlemanly… aren’t necessarily one in the same with the Sexist titles they seem to get slapped with (macho men sexist pigs as many people seem to frame them as… are an entirely different sorts IMO)
Sadly, I don’t think a lot of women realize this… which is why no doubt some women have made Gentlemen who are polite and courteous feel bad about themselves (having witnessed the poor guy who held open the front door of the office building for a co-worker only to have a strip torn off).
In reality, this same guy with the good manners may just have likely held open the door for the next person be they male or female. Which is what as a woman of good manners do as well. And what IMO EVERYONE on the planet should be doing for everyone else. Period.
No wonder men are confused.
I am a lucky duck…
Mr TTR is a gentleman with impeccable manners (his mother & father raised him well). It was one of the first things I noticed about him. He is nice to everyone… not just me. Holding doors open, getting folks the extra chair when needed at a table (when others join us)… or even assisting others when they aren’t able to do things for themselves… such as the lady in the Parking Lot at the mall trying to manage her kids and the grocery cart at the car (cart rolling away). He is NEVER one to not be courteous to another person and lend a hand when needed.
Infact I fell in love with this guy when I didn’t even know him… as I watched him help a disabled friend by bringing the guys car around and helping him out to.
When we began dating, I wasn’t used to being treated so well. My Ex Hubby was a “modern man” who had an every person for themselves mentality… when he and I dated in my early 20s the feminist movement was huge (1970s) and I just went along for the ride… as I too believed that a woman who didn’t do things for herself was not strong… (vs today’s thinking that a man who does nice things for women are soft).
So dating Mr TTR some 25 years later was a real eye opener… and left me in unfamiliar waters, and a tad uncomfortable (ie he wanted to pay 100% for our first date… his reasoning being… I did the inviting, I’ll do the paying).
Likewise he let me set the pace / timeframe on our relationship. He was just happy that I was in his life (so he’s told me since). So there was no pressure from him for us to be a couple (important to me in that I was coming off of my horrific divorce) and I was so unsure of what I wanted in regards to a relationship… so it was nice there was no pressure and we were friends first. And he was such a gentleman that first weekend together… not only in the bedroom but also out. How he offered me a robe, and made us breakfast etc.
And he’s never forgotten an Anniversary… although he likes to tease me and say … “Oh is there something special happening that weekend” when we are planning out our calendars. He always makes arrangements for us to celebrate… be it a posh meal somewhere special, or a wonderful romantic getaway weekend. We may talk about it together… but he does the bulk of the planning (nice cause I do most of our other holiday planning). Same thing with our Honeymoon… he and I planned out the Destinations… but once we were on the trip… it was he who made it extra special by saying “lets go out tonight… you pick where we should go”… or “I’ve got us Reservations at ___ a Restaurant that I hear is really spectacular here”
Over the years, I’ve come to appreciate his gentlemanly ways.
He opens doors for me (and others). And when we are out together, if he is driving, he’ll open and hold the passenger door to let me in. I in-turn reach over and unlock his side if needed. When getting to our destination he lets me off at the front door (amen)… I may love my high heels as much as the next gal… but it is nice not have to walk an extra 100 yards in them to and from the car. When it is time to leave, he’ll go get the car, turn on the heated seats, and pick me up at the door. If it is raining, when we leave, he’ll often go back to the car and get me an umbrella if we have other places we need to walk to (huge inconvenience to him… and I recognize that… but he always brushes it off saying… “hey I have to walk too, and having an umbrella is as much for me as it is for you”).
On outings together, he will lend me his coat when it is cold… walk on the outside of the sidewalk when we stroll (the splash side) and LOVES to hold my hand in public whenever we are together. Not as an element of my weakness or his strength… or anything other than he and I like the physical connection and being with each other.
Shopping he’ll offer to carry my bags… or take them to the car. He’ll even hold my purse / bag / knapsack etc when I am in the fitting room and he’ll sit by patiently and insists that he gets “to see” what I am purchasing. Not to critique it… but to genuinely see the thrill in my eyes when I find a piece of clothing I love… lol, he is my biggest fan !!
He LOVES to take care of me… and the relationship we have… and I do the same for him. BUT it is all these little extra things that are soooo awesome.
Be it knowing that I am going out to an appointment so he’ll make sure my car has the snow cleared off… and there is plenty of washer fluid. Or if it is a particularly frigid day, he’ll go outside while I am putting my finishing touches on my “getting ready to go” routine, and start the car to warm it up for me.
Or disappearing on the weekend with my car, and putting gas in it… or taking it thru the carwash.
Or surprising me with a cup of tea… be it that first cuppa on a Weekend morning (the cup that gets me going on the day’s chores), or the last cuppa on a weeknight before I head to bed (the cup that relaxes me). He loves to cook and make me nice meals. He especially likes to bring me the Saturday Papers in bed (along with that cuppa tea above)… while he makes a nice hot breakfast that we then share in our bed reading the papers or watching tv.
Mr TTR and I travel a lot. So there are little things he does to make that always pleasant… he’ll stock the car with ice water in the summertime… and hot drinks in the wintertime (or make a pit stop at Tim Hortons). He’ll make the car comfortable and ready for the trip… with things within easy reach of my being in the Passenger seat… so I can easily get things like Kleenex, paper-towel, the cooler, maps & travel guides, perhaps a sweater, etc while we are underway.
When we arrive at a Hotel, we’ll check in together, and then he’ll unload the car of the luggage while I go off to check out the Hotel Amenities / Room… and other sundry things… so that when he arrives in the room with the luggage… we have an immediate game plan on where to eat etc. (A real time saver when you pull into a hotel after dark and are starving or in need of a cocktail)
Even tho we’ve been together now over 7 years, 24/7×365 he NEVER takes me for granted, and ALWAYS treats me with the utmost care & respect. And I him. These things aren’t just because I am a girl anymore than the many things I do for him each day are just because he is a guy… we do things for each other… especially these little things that mean a lot because we LOVE each other very much and want to make the other’s life easier and more comfortable.
For sure Mr TTR is a real man… and he can drink, swear and fart with the best of them… but if I am around or other ladies, then he tends to rope that in a bit. And I appreciate it… I too can swear like a Stevedor if the situation warrants it… but it is nice to know that when I’m with Mr TTR that F-this and C-that aren’t the most overused letters in the alphabet.
Lol, I still get a great kick out of, and appreciate it all at the same time. How he will go to the bathroom in the washroom that is furthest away from where I am in the house if he needs to make a stink. When I asked him WHY he does this… he smiled and said, “because I am a gentleman and why would I inconvenience you by smelling my stink… when at times I’d prefer not to smell it myself”
Ya he’s a great guy. He’s a modern wonder in my mind. Having a perfect blend of traditional values, decent morals, good manners and common sense. He appreciates women for who they are… period. He is pro-women and pro-women’s rights. He has never put any restrictions on me as a woman… he is cool with me speaking my mind, and choosing whatever it is I want to do, focus my attentions and energy on. He is my greatest fan… as well as that of his Mother (now passed) and his Daughter. He just generally respects and appreciates women. Period.
Yup, I am a lucky gal.
PS… I never understand WHY women are so keen to not let a guy be a guy in the best ways possible. B!tching at some guy (or gal for that matter) opening a door… means inevitably that they’ll be less likely to step up to the plate with good manners & common courtesy when the situation really warrants it … such as offering a seat to a visibly pregnant woman, someone travelling with small children, someone with a disability, or an elderly person. (Maybe it is easier to balk when we are younger and these situations seem to be not as much a reality… as when we are older, and we find ourselves coping with them)
IMO, Good manners should never go out of style… all these little actions / things just show we appreciate the humanity of life, and recognize that we can create a world that we make better for others and ourselves at the same time.