(Closed) Is e-mailing a bride to tell them you can't be in their wedding ok?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Is e-mailing okay to drop out of a wedding party?
    Yes, it's fine : (17 votes)
    16 %
    No, it's rude : (52 votes)
    48 %
    Yes, as long as you follow up with a phone call : (12 votes)
    11 %
    Depends on the situation... : (27 votes)
    25 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    334 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I agree that email wasn’t the best route to go. However, I know many people that really struggle with confrontation. Is it possible that she was scared/embarassed to speak with you about it directly and figured that the only way to stop putting it off was by writing out her thoughts in an email? I’m sorry your bridesmaid dropped out. That would make me really sad.

    Post # 4
    Member
    750 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I think she probably gave you as much notice as she could (3 1/2 months isn’t ideal, but it’s not like she told you the day before). Maybe email wasn’t the best choice, but you sound livid enough that I can see why she didn’t want to call. Honestly I bet there is something else going on, maybe she is having a hard time being your bridesmaid for some reason…obviously I don’t known how you’re treating your bridesmaids, but it’s just a thought. Or she’s having conflicts with another bridesmaid, and doesn’t want to stress or worry you. Or she’s on thin ice at work and is thinking that asking for the time off will get her fired. You’re allowed to upset and hurt, but the anger that you’ve expressed seems a bit extreme for me. 

    Whatever the reason, I’m sorry that this has happened. She is sorry too- she wouldn’t have sent an overly apologetic email if she didn’t mean it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3765 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I agree that a phone call would have been the more polite and respectful route to go. I would be a little hurt. Maybe she is embarrassed?

    Post # 6
    Member
    322 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Personally, I don’t have a problem with e-mail, mainly because I use it for nearly all communication at work and a ton with my FI/family, friends, etc.  I agree that she probably could have been more considerate and picked up the phone, but, as PP said, perhaps she was scared of confrontation, etc.

    As far as the actual reasonings go, I suspect you do not have the entire story.  It sounds like she’s embarassed that she can’t afford it and there are  underlying reasons as to why she can’t.

    I wouldn’t push the issue – and it’s not worth losing a friendship over.  My very best friend can’t make our wedding due to a financial issue.  It sucks, but I value our friendship more than anything else.  And besides, your wedding is about you and your Fiance.  You won’t even notice her absence.

    Post # 7
    Member
    7206 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @lovelylight99:  I agree a phone call would have been more appropriate. I am definitely one of those people who e-mails when possible because I hate chatting on the phone and it’s just easier for me to get my thoughts out when I right them down. However, in this situation I would have called you up and chatted. It would have been very difficult for me but I would have done it to preserve our friendship and show you that although I can’t make it I do really regret it and am sad about it. I think sending an e-mail is taking the easy way out.

     

    ETA: I just voted that I would write an e-mail and follow up with a phone call. I do believe that calling first would be more appropriate, but like I said I hate confrontation and I hate talking on the phone. I think it would be best to just call, but I’m being honest with my vote about what I personally would do.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    2553 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @lovelylight99:  aw, I’m sorry. Maybe you could give her a call and talking to her would help. Also things like the tone of her voice can let you know if she is being honest, you know? That can really help ease your mind. Were you very close with her?

    Post # 11
    Member
    11234 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think it’s fine, but I’m also an emailer/texter. My bridesmaids and I (and other friends) all communicate electronically because it’s just easier–we all have different schedules for the mostpart, and it’s just quicker/easier to text or email one of us to get in touch. One of my bridesmaids had to drop out and did so via email and confirmed via text because she lives in a different time zone and works third shift. Calling me never would have worked.

    Post # 12
    Member
    871 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @lovelylight99:  it sounds like you were using her as a filler anyway since you aren’t that close to her and already replaced her.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1177 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Many people hate talking on the phone, especially if it’s a difficult conversation. Maybe you’d be less annoyed if you thought of it as a letter, just without the dead tree.

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