(Closed) Is e-mailing a bride to tell them you can't be in their wedding ok?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Is e-mailing okay to drop out of a wedding party?

    Yes, it's fine

    No, it's rude

    Yes, as long as you follow up with a phone call

    Depends on the situation...

  • Post # 17
    Member
    875 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    View original reply
    @lovelylight99:  it’s also rude to replace a bridesmaid just to have even sides.

    Post # 18
    Member
    8682 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    She probably couldnt call you or do it in person bc she knew you would be upset. You are obviously upset so she was right. I wouldnt read too deeply into it. However, it is sad bc it sounds like this might’ve ended the friendship, or at least strained it.

    Post # 20
    Member
    1849 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Obviously I don’t know your schedule or your friend’s schedule, but I can tell you that in my experience, there is no such thing as a convenient time to receive a phone call. The fact that I’m so preoccupied with work, homework, being in class, of commuting on a public bus makes it really hard for me to think of other people as being readily available and eager to pick up the phone when I call, because I can’t relate to that. I’ve probably missed 90% of the phone calls that I’ve gotten in the past couple years. Maybe your friend is going through something similar with her schedule, and she figured that email would be more likely to be convenient for both you. I also know I prefer email to phone calls because I can always refer back to the paper trail if I need to remember what was said. Lastly I agree with the PPs: if she’s uncomfortable with confrontation, and particularly if you’re not super close, I understand her decision. If I were you, I would spend less time being insulted over this small detail and more time being worried about some personal issues your friend might be having. If you care about her as a friend like you say, it’s time to forgive and ask if there’s anything she needs to talk about. 

     

    Post # 21
    Member
    166 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Ouch. I would say an email is definitely not acceptable. She probably should have confirmed with work prior to accepting your offer to being a bridesmaid. :/ If it is still weighing on you, you might just want to talk to her, and find out what is really going on, and try and let her know how you feel.

    Post # 23
    Member
    27 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think that you were venting when you wrote the post but have calmed down now. Perfectly understandable. We now have the chance to close threads so maybe you should close this one. That way you won’t have to keep explaining yourself. ๐Ÿ™‚ Just a suggestion, pardon me if I sound rude

    Post # 24
    Member
    8035 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @lovelylight99:  I don’t see what’s so bad about doing this via email. Would you really rather have that awkward conversation over the phone? I wouldn’t. You could look at it as “oh she didn’t even have the courtesy to call” or you could look at it as her spending as much time as she needed to clearly get her thoughts out on “paper”, and giving you some time to process it before responding.

    I think phones are way overrated. I would probably be ticked off too if I were you, but could have been worse. In the end you’re still going to marry the guy you love and she gave you over 3 months notice.

    Post # 26
    Member
    2051 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I had a bridesmaid drop out on me via phone and I WISH she would have sent me an email first.  I am horrible at having awkward conversations and I wish I would have had time to collect my thoughts before we talked on the phone.  

    ETA: It would be nice if she followed up with a phone call at least! 

     

    Post # 27
    Member
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think it’s fine to email. I also think you are being too overly suspcious about her reasons. Someone who was lying or making up excuses I don’t think would have wasted money on buying a dress and booking a hotel. I think while it’s disappointing it clearly out of her hands.

     

    Post # 29
    Member
    8035 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    View original reply
    @lovelylight99:  Just throwing this out there, but is she very introverted by chance? If she is, then that is probably why she chose email. 9/10 times I would prefer to do something via email than phone (and I’m working on it since I know phones or face to face is sometimes necessary). I get my thoughts out in writing so much better than I do in person. If she is anything like me, then this is why she may be doing it, not because she is trying to avoid you or something like that.

    Post # 31
    Member
    214 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    A phone call is always ideal, but getting an email about sure beats not hearing about it until closer to the wedding. I am going through a similar situation with a Bridesmaid or Best Man and its like I just want to know, I dont care if its text email or FB or something, just let me know. 

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