(Closed) Is Excluding Kids Wrong?

posted 8 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t know. My son will be at the wedding but not the wedding shower or rehearsal dinner. Thats a tough one. Good Luck.

Post # 4
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

to be honest i dont think you should exclude them form the ceremony… but thats just me… we have a 6yo and she knowledge the wedding and is excited… i know that for her to be part of the wedding will be a great experience… at the end is your decision and your future husband…

Post # 5
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Who is to say whether it’s wrong or right for your situation, except for you? I don’t think it’s morally wrong, or whatever. I think if you’re doing a very small destination ceremony, it makes sense. It won’t be very romantic for the two of you if you have your kids with you (obviously referring to the wedding night, not the actual ceremony). I think you’re the only one that can make that call. Having said that, I wouldn’t think you’re wrong for waiting until the reception to involve the children. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Hmm, this is a toughie. I’ll echo Layla that it is in the end impossible for us to say, because we don’t know the nature of your relationship with your children. If you feel like celebrating your relationship with the trip, and then celebrating the new family at home works best, I can totally understand. I would just recommed really giving both aspects your attention and passion. If the destination part gets all of your attention, your kids may feel that.

Post # 7
Member
7364 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t think its necessarily “wrong”.  But I know my 6 year old is super excited about our upcoming wedding and she would be disappointed if she wasn’t there for it.  But  a destination wedding… yeah, I can see how that might not work out as well.  Its a tough call.

Post # 8
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I can’t imagine not having our kids there (we have 5 between us ranging from 11 to 20) but that’s me.  That’s the reason I didn’t elope although I considered eloping WITH them!

I think the marriage is all about the blending of the families.  And 3 little flower girls would be so cute!

Post # 10
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think what you’re describing is perfectly fine.  It sounds as though your kids are primarily interested in the large party portion of the wedding experience (which is to be expected, given their ages), and you can give them that, plus a meaningful sand ceremony or similar ritual, once you’ve returned.  If they were older it might be a different story, but it seems as though they’re mostly a bit on the young side to fully grasp the import of the vows, and so won’t be hugely upset by missing them.

The important thing, I think, is that the kids feel and appreciate the creation of a new family, but it seems as though that’s already well underway.

Post # 12
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it’s perfectly fine what you described without them being there and also with the reception idea of the unification ceremony (sand pouring).

However, for me, it’s important my son SEE us get married and T’s children see us marry.  Imho, and this is just for me only, I think them being there makes it terribly real for them. But then again, you’re making it very real for them when they do that ceremony with you also.

I just want him to be there.  And then again, he’s 11 and T’s son is 12 although his daughter is almost 5. (she’s such a cutie patootie!)  

Post # 14
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

Headed to Jamaice in the morning, sans kids.  We’ll do a family at home party/ceremony this summer with the boys.  33 are joining us, no children, no guilt. 

Post # 16
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

CurlyDreamer, if you’re doing a destination type wedding, I’d agree not to include young children.  But, it all depends on your individual situation.  If I do a destination wedding, I’m only inviting a very select number of people and my children will likely be involved.  However, mister’s may not because not sure how the mother would feel about them traveling with us out of the US for a destination wedding.  Again, it depends on your circumstances.  Destination weddings and traveling with young kids is so NOT fun. 

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