Is getting married important to you?

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you plan to get married at some point in your life?
    Yes. : (100 votes)
    90 %
    No, we need a piece of paper to prove our commitment to one another. : (11 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 2
    7275 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    jessie092 :  Your poll answers don’t match the poll question. Your title question is the opposite of what you asked in your post. You will not get accurate answers this way. 

    Post # 3
    435 posts
    Helper bee

    MexiPino :  Actually, I think it does match. If yes you plan to get married at some point in your life, then yes it is a deal breaker if getting married is not something your SO wants to go through.

    jessie092 :  But OP, you mistakenly left out the “don’t” in “we DON’T need…” instead of “we need” in the poll answer.

    I got married because marriage to me is more than just a piece of paper.

    Post # 4
    2387 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    I think your answers will be skewed considering this is a wedding website 

    Post # 5
    7275 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    slothbear :  I dunno. Something can be important to you and not be a deal breaker. You also can plan to get married sometime in your life but it’s not a deal breaker if your SO doesn’t want to. But the typos definitely messed up my comprehension of what the heck the OP was trying to say. 

    Also.. what Innerdonught  said. A website full of people planning or having planned weddings is going to skew toward saying weddings are important. This is a better question for a singles site. 

    Post # 6
    601 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    I wanted to get married but it wasn’t so important that I *had* to. If my husband didn’t want to then I wouldn’t have been too heartbroken. I don’t really understand the women who break off a perfectly good relationship just because the boyfriend wont propose… but different priorities I guess.

    Post # 7
    1700 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    I’ll actually try to answer your questions…

    I was indifferent to marriage. I wasn’t actively looking to get married but if it happened, fine. Then I met my husband and marriage was important to him. We met when we were at university but we spoken openly of the future and he made it clear that marriage was important to him.

    Therefore, to continue my relationship with him I needed to be more open to marriage. Whilst I say I was indifferent, i was on the slightly more negative side of indifferent (but not fully negative which is why I would class it more as indifferent). So over time with my husband, my views towards marriage shifted, mainly because I looked at what a marriage could like and the various forms it could take. 

    I spoke frequently with my husband about the type of marriage we’d both like and it was something I was hoping for. Only with him though. We had the discussion about when to get engaged and I was getting frustrated because we had discussions about surprise and time and whatever else. Despite my previous indifference to marriage had my husband not proposed to me, I would have been hurt and it would have been a deal breaker for me. The reason being was that marriage was important to him, so if he eventually couldn’t commit, despite claiming marriage was still important to him I’d have seen it as in ability to commit to me. I wasn’t prepared to be loved less than he wanted for his life.

    Post # 8
    651 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    I don’t get when people say it is just a piece of paper. Is a degree just a piece of paper? Is money just pieces of paper?

    A lot of things are recognized with paper but they’re also endowed with meaning. I would say marriage is one of those things. 

    My FH and I actually just got our marriage license a few days ago and we both felt so excited to see that piece of paper because it means that we have taken the preliminary step to make it legal at our ceremony in 3 weeks. 

    Post # 9
    367 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    I grew up in a household where my mom always said “well, marriage is just a piece of paper that proves you love each other”. Mind you, my parents were married for 32 years (seperated after). So I guess I grew up with that mentality that yes, it really is just a peice of paper and title. 

    However, despite this, having a wedding and marriage means so much more to me than a piece of paper. But I do see where people are coming from and don’t get upset when someone does say it.

    Post # 10
    2464 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    DH very much wanted to get married and have a family. Marriage wasn’t a requirement for me if we were going to be CFBC, but since we plan on starting a family at some point it was required because I would feel comfortable having children with someone otherwise.

    Post # 11
    188 posts
    Blushing bee

    I have always wanted to get married. It wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me if the person felt strongly about it but I would hope they would at least be willing to compromise about other aspects of the relationship. For example, I had an ex who claimed that he was 100% against marriage and he knew how much I wanted to get married. Well I am not going to bug someone to marry me who does not want to so I gave up the idea of getting married (I was young and stupid and willing to give up what I wanted to please him). Then a few years into the relationship I learnt that he also didn’t want kids…which again I wanted. And it was me who would need to give up what I wanted again. So that (ontop of a whole bunch of other reasons) I left and I don’t regret it. Oh and that ex got married a year after we broke up. So I guess he found someone he was willing to change his views for. 

    Basically you have to see if one person is willing to compromise their views or one “cares more than the other” sort of thing. 

    Post # 12
    5145 posts
    Bee Keeper

    jessie092 :  It was important to both of us.  But I don’t think either of us would have continued dating if marriage wasn’t the end point.

    Post # 13
    3004 posts
    Sugar bee

    Yep was a definite dealbreaker to me. I would not have continued seeing my partner if he was opposed to getting married.

    ETA: the “just a piece of paper” thing is bullshit. I get so annoyed when I hear men touting that as an excuse not to get  married. If it were really just a piece of paper and was important to your partner then why not just get the piece of paper since it doesnt matter anyway? Ah, because it DOES matter – the paper symbolizes a level of commitment that these feet-dragging bf’s are unwilling to sign up for. I wish people would just own that. Making it about “the piece of paper” is so disingenuous.

    Post # 14
    697 posts
    Busy bee

    Marriage is very important to me, and it would be a dealbreaker if I was with someone who didn’t want to get married. I don’t particularly have an investment in weddings, but the idea of marriage – of committing yourselves to each other for life – is something I’ve always wanted and valued. Luckily my SO brought up marriage before I did and it’s important to us both. 

    Post # 15
    280 posts
    Helper bee

    if marriage is just a piece of paper, everyone would get it, because it has a lot of benefits for laws and money. But marriage is a lot more than a piece of paper, and some do not want that “more.” So, whenever a person says to me they don’t need a marriage because it is just a piece of paper, I know they are saying a fib.

    I was happy by myself, I have no thought to get married for a long time. I have been with relationships though, and whenever I am with a relationship I am testing if I want to get married to the person. If not, I break it up. For me it is alone, or “HAPPY” married, and both are good for me. But I do not want for a relationship when we together and never are married. Nor am I wanting a marriage that is not an excellent fit. I have a high bar and many asks for a partner because I am very happy by myself. 

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