Is giving your boyfriend an ultimatum to propose a genuine engagement?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

While it wouldn’t be something I would choose to do, I think their engagement is definitely genuine.  Unless she was holding a gun to his head, haha! 🙂

If it were me, I would always wonder if he only proposed because I forced him to, so it wouldn’t be for me.  But some guys just need a kick in the pants, I guess!

Post # 4
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am never a fan of ultimatum for ANY reason in a relationship.  It is an act of control, IMO.

Post # 6
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

when I was waiting I had very little patients and would always joke around about a deadline etc. but we both knew I would never really leave.

Post # 7
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@SamanthaLovesJames: Yeah I couldn’t do it… just because I would wonder if he really wanted it. But I’m sure it’s genuine… just maybe sooner than the Fiance would have done!

Post # 8
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

@tksjewelry: I agree.

I am 100% against ultimatiums, no matter how they are presented. not a good way to begin any type of relationship. I feel that you will always have that hanging over your heads (or at least for a good long time).

 

Post # 9
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

No it’s not genuine. 

Post # 10
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think it really depends on the circumstances. Some guys are content to sit in the in-betweens, happily reassuring their SO’s without actually having to do anything. They’re self-centered (or maybe just confused themselves) and don’t mind their SO’s living in this weird, awful contradiction of words and actions.

Certainly ultimatums can be bad if he’s genuine but simply not ready. Other times ultimatums can help someone see they’re being strung along. It really depends.

I doubt any of us can ever know if it’s genuine, just as it really doesn’t matter what we think about their relationship.

Post # 11
Member
856 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

That is definitely not genuine. If he wasn’t ready to propose and make a strong commitment, I don’t know how well they are going to do. Seems like it may just create some problems for them.

Post # 12
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

So I actually think ultimatums work…. My Darling Husband and I are super, super happy and in love. We aren’t controlling at all. But I felt after so many years of dating that it was time to move on and if we weren’t, then things should change.

I don’t believe you can waste your whole life on someone that’s not going to propose. And some guys need more of a push than others.

He did tell me that he was 100% happy with his decision to propose, getting married and was glad that I pushed to be engaged. Otherwise, we might not have gotten engaged (he just didn’t know I wanted to get married!)

Post # 13
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I understand where she was coming from, but I would prefer that an engagement came after conversations, not threats. However, I’m not against all ultimatums – I think they can be phrased as “hey, heads up, this isn’t working, let’s make it work or else I’m out of here.” I don’t see the problem with being honest about wanting to pack up and leave – what else are you supposed to do, blindside the guy?

Post # 14
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

oh and I guess I should add, that I didn’t really give him an ultimatum… I just said “I want to be engaged by this date, it’s important to me to know you want to move forward with me and if it doesn’t happen, we’re going to talk about our future.”

I did give him a date (that was 6 months away!) but it wasn’t really an ultimatum.

Post # 15
Member
2547 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Meh, I don’t know the entire circumstances, how he was feeling, the discussions that had been made, so I can’t say if it is genuine or not.

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