Post # 1
I’m just curious on this one. Feel free to be very opinionated 🙂
There are two weddings in FI’s family this year: ours and his younger brother’s. FI and I are paying for most of our own wedding (my mom is paying for my dress, we’re paying for everything else). FBIL and his FI are getting their wedding paid for by FBIL’s FI’s father.
Or at least they were. Now her family is insisting that FI’s family pay for the items traditionally paid for by the grooms family. FI’s family doesn’t make a whole lot of money, and they are often paycheck to paycheck. Her family is pretty well off– definitely upper-middle class.
One thing her family is insisting FI’s family pays for is alcohol at the reception. $15pp for 250 people. $3750, not including tax.
FMIL has shared with me she’s at a loss (she paid for her own wedding). They really can’t afford it, but don’t want to deny their son. Both FBIL and his FI have decent (not great) jobs and live with her parents (by choice). Not many necessary expenses, and they aren’t really saving either (owns dirt bikes, quads, and a boat).
Should the grooms family find a way to pay even though they really can’t afford it? Should bride and groom find a way to pay for stuff her family won’t pay for? Or should they do without if they can’t afford stuff?
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Ha, no. Some people are still able to afford this, but couples these days should be prepared to pay for everything themselves and financial support is at the will and offer of others. it should never be assumed or demanded. The only thing I think it’s fair for most people to expect–and even still, every bouple should be prepared to have this hope not met–is the rehearsal dinner, and then the formality, style, cost, venue, etc. is really totally up to the hosts, not the couple.
Post # 4
Pretty much, if you cannot afford it, you can’t have it. You can’t pay for something that you just don’t have the money for. :/ Going into debt for a wedding is stupid. So they will have to do without the stuff, if no one can/aren’t willing to pay.
Post # 5
I don’t think anyone should be obligated pay for the bride and groom’s wedding. As two consenting adults they should take responsibility in my opinion. Even in the ‘traditional’ sense, no one should ever be made to feel stressed out or go into debt to provide for someone else’s wedding.. That makes me sad they are pressuring his parents when they can’t afford it!
Post # 6
If your FBIL wants to marry this girl, and he wants to have alcohol, etc. at his wedding, seems to me that he’s got some money to start saving. If you’re old enough to decide to get married, you’re old enough to pay for whatever kind of wedding you’d like.
Post # 7
@HisWifey: It makes me sad, too. Especially when they have so many toys that would more than cover the cost of the groom’s family “obligation.”
Oh– I guess I have a follow-up question. FBIL and his FI don’t know we’re getting married next year. Is it going to be awkward when they find out we’re footing the bill for our nuptials? Probably. Any advice on how to break the awkwardness?
Post # 8
who ever is getting married is who pays for the wedding. simple as that!! Now should the couple recieve gifts of cash and wish to put that towards the wedding then by all means.
Post # 9
My parents are helping to pay for mine but it is by no means an expectation or mandatory that they do
Post # 11
There is no obligation for the parents on either side to pay for the wedding. That is a remnant from the days when the bride went from her parents home to her husband’s home, not having worked outside the home herself.
Post # 12
Nobody is obligated to pay for anything at a wedding. If they want the bar, and others can’t/won’t pay, they need to cover it themselves.
Post # 13
My parents are insisting on paying for parts of the wedding because they are able to offer some assistance. I never asked for it or would have every thought to. On the other hand, my FI’s family has not offered anything (and I am not expecting them to). They actually asked us for a loan recently (now that is a whole different story…..)!
Post # 14
Nope, no one is obligated to pay. If they offer, sure, take them up on it. But they don’t have to do anything.
Do without the things you can’t afford.
Post # 15
They’re not obligated to pay for anything. These days, if the families are able to help out with wedding costs, that’s great. Otherwise, the couple just has the wedding they can afford themselves.
Post # 16
This makes me cringe. Today, no family is obligated to pay anything for a wedding. Sure, if they can afford to contribute, that is the reasonable thing to do, but it never should be expected. I feel so much for your FMIL and FFIL. What a terrible situation to be in. However, their financial security is so important. They should not sacrifice and put themself in a dangerous situation just because of your FBIL’s greedy fiance. They need to either find a way to sacrifice and pay for these things themselves, or rethink their wedding.