(Closed) Is having a card box tacky?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

I will have a card box, because it would just be way too many envelopes for the groom to hold on to!

Seriously, the groom is probably the worst person to give it to on that night.  He’ll have too many other things to worry about than people handing him envelopes for a few hours.  

Post # 4
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Interesting. I’ve seen them at a lot of weddings (pretty much every one I’ve been to, as far as I can recall), and it almost seemed rude *not* to have a place to put cards/gifts. A card box seems especially innocuous – cards don’t necessarily indicate a gift, just well-wishes.

I’ve never heard that about giving them to the groom before, though it sounds like something that could be traditional etiquette that’s fallen by the wayside in less formal times (especially with big weddings – that would be a lot of cards to carry around! ). I have seen people give things to the best man, but that also seems a little silly.
 
The only negative thing I’ve heard about a card box/gift table is that if your wedding is especially big or in a public place, you should make sure someone is guarding it. Unfortunate, but better safe than sorry. 

Post # 5
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

My mom was the first to bring up the idea of a card basket.  There is no way (at least where we live) that people would think to give cards to the groom – and I can personally say that there is no way Darling Husband would have ever kept track of them.  And it’s not like all wedding cards are something little – we got pretty large ones.  It’s as if people who are only bringing an envelope (as opposed to a wrapped present) feel a little self-conscious, and so pick the biggest card they can find.  You get nice, little cards on a lot of the presents, but cards much too big to fit in a suit jacket pocket in the card basket or box.

I would solve it this way – if your Fiance wants to collect cards himself, then go ahead and skip the box.  If he doesn’t, tell your mom that either she gets to stand at the gift table and collect cards, or you’ll have a box or basket.

FYI – you need someone at the gift table for reasons other than security – you need someone there with a roll of scotch tape to tape the cards to the packages.  Otherwise if they get separated you’ll never figure out what gift is from who.  A few of your aunts will be sufficiently old school to write what they got you inside the card – but out of 120 guests we had four people do that.  And nobody thinks to tape the card to the gift, so they will get separated in the transfer from the table to the car, and the car to your house.

Post # 6
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Does your mom also not want a gift table at the wedding, cause that seems to be asking for gifts in a more obvious way, doesn’t it? I would think the etiquette books would deem the gift table a no-no before the card box, but I’ve heard arguments for and against both. However, every wedding I’ve attended had both a gift table and a card box. A significant percentage of guests bring gifts/cards to the wedding rather than sending it to the newlywed’s home, and I think it’s polite to have a space ready for them to put these things so they aren’t left wondering what to do with the gift in their hands. I’ve never heard a guest say that the table or box made it seem as though the bride and groom were "asking" for gifts. I’m sure your mom will understand – maybe even show her some of the fun card boxes people have created to show her how cute it can be! Oh, and every wedding rental store I’ve gone to has white bird cages for rent, a traditional "card box," which tells me this practice is well accepted.

Post # 7
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

We had no gift table, where I live people only bring cards, so therefore we bought a beautiful card box (and made sure it was securly locked, some people in my family I don’t trust, like my one sister…….)  Another way we do it in this area is when the bride visits the tables, she carrys a pretty silk bag to put the cards in.  Some of the older people prefer it this way.

I don’t think I have ever been to a wedding WITHOUT a card box.

FYI I live in northeast PA

Post # 8
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I agree with Candi — I’ve never been to a wedding without a card box, and I don’t think anyone I know would know to give it to the groom. Maybe that’s a weird mom-ism? My mom has alot of those. =)

I guess in this situation, I would ask myself which is worse — giving the cards to the groom and risk him losing them, or having a designated safe place for them and possibly offend people?

Post # 9
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’ve never been to a wedding with a card box! But, I live in the Deep South and almost nobody gives money for any gift…hell, it took my mother until I was 20 or so to start giving me money for presents! It’s a regional thing. 

Post # 10
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

There’s almost always at the very least a gift table. And I’ve seen a lot of card baskets too. The cutest was a little white mailbox the couple had for people to drop their cards in.

Giving the card to the groom is more of an old Italian thing. It doesn’t seem to be the norm anymore.

Post # 11
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I meant to add that if you live in an area of the country where monetary gifts are the norm, it makes no sense not to have a card box. Your Fiance doesn’t want to be in charge of them probably, but ask him first. It might just be that your Mother-In-Law is worried about them getting lost, etc. Or she could just think you are tacky! MILs are great! @@

Post # 12
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I agree with the ladies above, it seems odd not to have some sort of card box or gift table available for your guests. I don’t know about you but there is not way in h$ll that I would entrust my new husband with the keeping of the cards. He will be lucky to not lose his mason drinking jar that has his name on it!

Let’s do the math: Drunk husband+gift cards="Husband saying, I don’t know what happened to them"

I got a pretty white birdcage from Hobby Lobby for $7 during one of their 50% off sales. I put a burgundy ribbon around it and left it at that.

Post # 13
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I just put a wire basket on the gift table. I  have never seen a card box but probably never looked for one.  Glad I had something though because there were a lot of cards!!!  I think you just need some place for the cards to go besides just sitting on the table where they could get easily lost…..if a box seems tacky, then find something more low key…

Post # 14
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Hotel on the westside of Los Angeles

I think a cardbox is completely fine– if anything, it’s an added convenience for your guests.  People will definitely bring cards and the last thing you want is for the groom to be saddled with them.  If he’s anything like my hubby, all of them would be lost by the end of the night 🙂

Post # 15
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I totally agree that a card box is fine!  There’s also a simple way to make it seem less like your asking for gifts if that’s what mom’s worried about: put out pretty paper and pens next to your card box so people can write you special notes on that night too.  That way the card box serves a dual purpose, and if someone doesn’t bring a card to put in it, they won’t feel guilty because they can just write a note right on the table where the "controversial card box" is setting a pop it in with everyone else’s stuff!

Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

I think it completely depends on where you live and what your family’s custom is. I’m from the northest and have only been to one wedding with a card box.

Usually you give the card to the bride OR groom and they put it somewhere (my sister gave them to my mom, who put them in a bag under the table).

But we also don’t bring phsyical gifts (unless they are cards) to the wedding so that means no gift table. Everything is shipped prior to the wedding (traditionally to the bride’s parents home).

My advice, go with what you’ve normally seen and with what your family’s customs are. My mom would be not be pleased if I had a card box so there won’t be one at my wedding!

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