(Closed) Is having a shower but asking that guests not bring gifts ok?

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I kind of agree with them. The point of a shower is to “shower the bride with gifts”

I think even if you tell them not to, some people will bring gifts anyway.

Post # 3
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Personally I think your original wording is cute! It’s YOUR shower, and if you have everything you need and are ok with not getting gifts, then that is perfectly fine! I think it is really kind of you to think about finances of other people when there are so many parties like this going on around you. And I definately don’t think having a shower is pointless without gifts! The point of the shower should NOT be to get gifts in the first place! It should be a time for your family and friends to eat some lunch, chat, and shower you with love and support, not just gifts! I think it’s a great idea, and you’re friends should be happy to oblige!

Some people may still bring gifts and that is fine. Just be sure to send EVERYONE who attends a nice thank you note, gift or not!

Post # 4
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

Call it something other than a shower then, as you’re missing the point. Or don’t have anything except maybe a luncheon or something with your bridal party.

Post # 5
4822 posts
Honey bee

I think you can do that, but I would never go to a shower without a present so many people will still bring them so I would be prepared to open them.

If you really want a “shower” without the obligation of gifts throw an “afternoon tea” instead and do not call it a shower in the invite maybe call it “An AFternoon Tea in honor of Your Name”

Post # 6
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think you should ask them to bring something in lieu of a gift, like a recipe or advice or something you could use that isn’t of monitary value. 

Post # 7
5842 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

To me, a shower is about the presents. I wouldn’t want to plan/pay for a “shower” if it was just going to be mingling. If you just want to spend time with everyone I would invite them out to lunch/dinner.

Post # 8
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

As a guest I would be totally confused to receive a shower invitation that indicated “no gifts, please”.  The express purpose of a bridal shower is to shower the bride with gifts for married life.  Some people will bring gifts anyway (I’d be one of them), and those guests who didn’t might feel awkward.

I agree with PP that hosting an afternoon tea, brunch, or luncheon would be a better way to gather your friends and family to celebrate with you.

Post # 9
4581 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with the idea of calling it something other than a shower. Showers = gifts and there’s really no way around that. It will be much less awkward if you just call it something else.

Post # 10
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree to call it a ladies tea or ladies lunch. Because showers usually involve the gift opening in front of everyone, if you call it a shower then 1) people will feel like they should bring a gift, 2) people will expect you to open them in front of the group, 3) if you don’t open the gifts, gift-bringers may be upset, 4) if you do open the gifts, non-gift-bringers will feel crappy.

Post # 12
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think your reasoning behind it is very thoughtful but I have to agree that the purpose of a shower is to “shower the bride with gifts” otherwise it’s not needed. So maybe a luncheon with your bridal party would be better.

Post # 14
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Just my 2 cents 🙂 

I had my bridal shower the same week as my wedding (I flew across the Atlantic ‘back home’ to get married). I did not want any gifts as there was no way we could take anything back with us to the UK and because it was so close to the wedding. My sneaky ‘shower committee’ threw me an Envelope Shower – where if anyone wanted to bring a gift it had to fit in an envelope.

Although most people are used to watching the bride-to-be open gifts at her shower (the whole thought of this makes me uneasy! I hate opening presents in front of people!), everyone who came to my shower was totally okay missing out on that tradition. We had lots of great food, played some hilarious shower games, and everyone helped make a scrapbook for me which included a recipe and a favourite memory from each one of my guests. It really meant a heck of a lot to me – way more than the money I received from the shower.

I say go for it! Call it whatever you want! Perhaps even call it a “shower me with love” shower, and let them know they can only bring love to the party – not a gift.

Post # 15
13094 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I understand your logic and reasoning but still must disagree.  The point of a “shower” is to shower the bride with gifts so a shower without gifts is a bit pointless.

Why not just plan a luncheon or tea as the PPs have suggested?  That can include more people than just your bridal party if you want more family/friends to be there.

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