Is having a wedding actually worth the family/friend drama and stress?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Not everyone has drama planning their wedding.  The only stress I had was that I was working 60+ hours a week while trying to plan.  But if you just want it to be you and your close family, then go for it.

Post # 4
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010 - Ocean View Villas/Jasmine Seafood Restaurant

I had a huge wedding… drama and stress as well.  I wouldn’t trade my experience for another one.  It strengthened a lot of relationships in my family and brought us closer.  So see all the people who have influenced me throughout my entire life in one room for one day, I’ll never get that again.  It was better than I could have imagined.  I’m sure it’s not like that for everyone.  But for me, it was stressful… and incredibly blissful as well. 

Post # 5
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

A lot of the drama I’ve seen has come from how people choose to handle their weddings, or how they choose to handle themselves around other people’s weddings. In my personal experience, the stuff I’ve seen go awry, in relationships, due to weddings, is because of expectations that one or both party have that aren’t met, as well as how seriously people take their weddings. The planners who I’ve seen who are more laid back, not as particular, they tend to have less drama. It’s definitely not just a size of the wedding ordeal that decides it! It’s personality of everyone involved!

Post # 6
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

oh man, i know what you mean about wanting to avoid the stress.  but it doesn’t have to be that way if you don’t want it to be.  We have been to upwards of 30 weddings over the last 5 or so years, and i personally don’t know anyone who has had fallouts.  We did not have any either, but that seems to happen alot according to what i’ve read on these boards!  But i will admit that as I was planning my wedding (which was mid-sized with 160 guests) that sometimes i wondered if we should have just done the smaller, family only wedding, possibly destination.  just to make things more simple.  but i wouldn’t change my day for anything!  it was so wonderful and I agree with hotwings in that it was really special to see everyone there supporting us as we got married.  

Post # 7
Member
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

For us, it’s absolutely not worth it, that’s why we are eloping! ๐Ÿ˜› We both have very odd family dynamics and little to no support as far as planning, so why bother- we will elope and have a beautiful ceremony in the mountains followed by a lovely honeymoon, drama and stress free and saving a ton of money. At the end of the day we are marrying each other, not the extended families.

Post # 8
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I totally hated wedding planning and never want to do it again! As the wedding grew closer I started gringing my teeth at night and literally pulling my hair out. Was it worth it? ABSOLUTELY!

Post # 9
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Im 24, and I HATE WEDDINGS.  I dont even want to plan ours but Im pretty sure our families will hunt me down and murder me if we dont have this wedding, no joke.  There has been so mch stress and emotional duress and we still have 20 months to go.  I am dreading the next couple of years, seriously.  My dream is to get married, just me and my boo on an island somewhere…sigh…

Post # 10
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

…we actually had basically no drama. it was an amazing day and i loved the planning process. there was stress and miscommunications at time, but nothing major and the day itself went better than i could have imagined. but, we both are very close to our parents and they agreed with (almost) all our decisions. we’d been together for 4 years by the time we got married so we were already close to each other’s families.

Post # 11
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

No stress or drama for our wedding…

Post # 12
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Aubergold: the you should do it!!  family’s pissed?  oh well! ๐Ÿ™‚  my friend was the same way and knew her family would drive her crazy if she had a normal wedding, so she and her hubby went to key west just the 2 of them and got married on the beach.  then came back and had a BBQ celebration a couple weeks later.  it was perfect for them!  and even tho their families probably weren’t so happy about it they still supported them. 

Post # 13
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m going to be kind of the odd man out with my response: the wedding was not worth the stress.

Both Darling Husband and I had an amazing time at our wedding.  We truly did.  However, I cannot say “It was worth it in the end”.  Weddings are stressful.  The amount of stress varies from person to person and I do not think it is necessarily reflective of how people are in general.  Pre-wedding, I would have described my family as low maintenance and myself as low stress.  During the wedding planning, NOT AT ALL.  I did not have any falling-outs, but I did have hurt feelings and regrets.  If I could go back and do it again, we would have eloped.

That being said, my advice is to trust your gut.  I didn’t trust my gut because I was worried I would regret it.  Good luck!!  ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 14
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Weddings bring out emotions in people. Period. I would say that 98 percent of weddings that involve other people will have some sort of drama. My mom is usually a VERY laid back person. I didn’t expect any drama on her end. Well, there was a lot. She wanted to invite these people I rarely see because they were “business associates” and we had quite a few heated discussions about seating. We had a 70-person wedding, by the way.

We also had a t on of unexpected drama from some Wedding Party peeps. Again, TOTALLY unexpected! We lost friends over some stuff, but we were all drifting apart anyway.

In the end, our wedding was worth it. But sometimes I wish we could all be allowed two weddings. One with just the two of us, and the other with the families. I don’t regret having a more private wedding at all, but every once in a while, I wonder what it would have been like to skip all the drama and just go to city hall.

Post # 15
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Well, take out the family/frend drama, would it still be worth it? Personally, I am taking them out of the equation, like thanks for the advice but when it comes down to it, the wedding is essentially about the bride and groom.

 

I think that when I  deal with family and friends, especially in a wedding situations, the relationship kind of shows itself once again, the wedding was just the medium. For instance, I have a family that throws there judgement without seeing the whole picture, this has always been this way and my wedding actually just is another way they throw their weight around (except this time I am not letting them).

Post # 16
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would do it all over again! By the time our wedding was quickly approaching I was in tears all the time, I was so stressed, and all I kept saying is how I wished I eloped. Well I didn’t and am so glad I got to have my day. It was amazing and perfect in every way and everything I worried about didn’t matter. The fact that my inlaws tortured me and caused so much drama showed me how much my husband loves me and how he put me before anything else. And those who didn’t show because they didn’t want us to get married, well they weren’t missed. We felt so madly in love that day and got to celebrate with all of our close family and friends.

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