- 6 years ago
…honestly, I feel like I’m about to burst and I dont know where else to put this…..
So for me to explain whats been going on, I first need to tell you our background… my Fiance and I have been together once before… we dated a year or so and I fell pregnant, and we took a leap of faith and got married. I was still very young at the time and felt that it was a pushed decision by those around me so I never felt very happy in the marriage. Especially after our son was born, the transition between being a teenager to being a wife and a mom was too much for me. To make things worse I always felt very stifled by my husband-hes got tendencies to be very clingy.
To sum up, we ended up breaking up. While we were apart, things got very sour between us. I didnt trust him, I didnt respect him, I was afraid to see him for a while. We’ve both had to work hard to try to get the respect back…..
After a while we got back together and I realised I still loved him, and our relationship was easier after all those restraints on ‘how a wife/husband should be’ was removed….
we’ve decided to get remarried, and considering our last one was a shot gun wedding without any guests or a proper ceremony, I’ve been pretty excited about it as its like…a proper wedding, and also I feel like this is my decision, and I havent been influenced by other people this time.
The problem is… the last few weeks I feel like we are regressing back to where we were before. Every few days he seems to have a big problem with me… I’m not doing enough around the house…. or Im not being affectionate enough… or Im being inconsiderate… and every time this happens he demands that I list him all the things I’ve done for him in the last few days that wasnt selfish.
Doing this every few days tears me apart.
I’ve tried listing as much as I can…. about how I always do his laundry, I still cook for him before I head into work in the evenings, I take time out to try to be more considerate but he rejects everything I say because either its ‘something I have to do anyway’ or I only do it when its convienient for me.
Everytime we argue about it it completely tears me apart and it makes me feel worthless, because I honestly make so much effort to try to make him happy, but every few days he will tell me its not good enough and make me list all the things I do for him and how he doesnt think it counts.
Then it goes onto other areas like how he thinks Im too much of a loner so I’ll explain to him that hes more outgoing which is fine, but I generally prefer my own space, it doesnt mean im a loner, I’ll enjoy activities with friends, I just dont enjoy it ALL THE TIME…. then he says ‘and I dont understand that, WHY are you like that?’ I’ll say its because we’re different people…. and he’ll ask
‘but dont you want to better yourself?’
With the issue of the house being a mess…. yeah Im messier than he is, but I try to keep it clean a lot more because he gets irritated…. but he doesnt give me any credit for that because its something I should be doing for myself anyway. So I said to him ‘well yeah I should probably be more tidy but the point is Im making more effort because I know how much this irritates you’
but he says I should be doing it anyway to try to improve myself and I shouldnt be doing it for him so it doesnt even count and its still messy anyway
when I leave to get a little time out from the situation he follows me and does not leave….
Last time we had this argument I felt something breaking inside of me and I just sat there on the floor just screaming… I dont really like to make a scene but I just felt like I had taken enough and I just needed to scream…
the entire time he was telling me I was being over dramatic and why do I need to make it seem like im being victimised….
I ran out of the house and I felt completely drained….
Since the last time we broke up, I was extremely cautious about getting back together with him, and when we decided to get married again, I wanted him know that I will not leave again and this is my commitment to him.
but I feel like im getting remarried to a guy that currently just makes me want to kill myself…
I dont seem to have anything left in me to fight back with. so after the last argument I’ve just been passive about it all…. something he has noticed
hes been asking whats wrong and I’ve said nothing and he gets angry and says
‘well this is how you are acting LOOK, LOOK’ and minics me as a zombie… which still hurts my feelings.
I do not know what else to think. Im so drained and I feel like hes being extremely demanding and unreasonable… but then again he says its because Im being selfish and inconsiderate so maybe its true.
I’ve asked him to stop arguing with me every few days and he asked what else hes supposed to do, is he supposed to just suppress everything? so I said well no, but do you need to be so angry about it EVERY FEW DAYS…..? can you not be a bit more tactful? what you say realy hurt my feelings and its demeaning when you tell me what I do isnt good enough
his resopnse was that hes not going to be more tactful, and it should be hurting my feelings because its something i need to hear
I said ‘but every few days?’
and he told me that yeah, its every few days which must mean im not changing enough or doing enough.
I am extremly unhappy….
honestly…. I would just like to die…
am I really being that awful or does he sound unreasonable?