(Closed) Is he commitment phobic or normal?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

He’s seeing other women.  Not only is he not ready for marriage, he’s not ready for monogamy. 

Post # 3
Member
2449 posts
Buzzing bee

Move on. A real relationship is not supposed to be a constant battle of on and off again. It shouldn’t be breaking up every single time you have a disagreement. That sounds exhausting and stupid. He clearly doesn’t want to marry. He doesn’t respect to enough to have a real conversation with you about marriage, if he doesn’t want to talk about and gets mad when you do, and gives you a vague answer about wanting to get married, he doesn’t want to. He very obviously doesn’t want to. 

Also, why would you stay with him after he went out with another girl and lied about it. He doesn’t want marriage and he is sneaking around behind your back. And who knows if he is physically cheating. What are you even getting out of this relationship? Because he obviously doesn’t respect you, or care about you. Your broken up, don’t talk to him again and move on. Your wasting your time with him. 

Post # 4
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee

It scares me that you think “normal” is even an option here.

Post # 6
Member
3244 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It saddens me that you think this is a good man. I hope you find out sooner rather than later, you are settling for a douche who disrespects you, cheats, lies and could not be clearer about wanting polar opposite things to you. This site makes it clear many men are ready to settle down and do. This guy does not want marriage. You do. Go find someone compatible. Staying with him and trying to force him to want what you want will only lead to a dysfunctional marriage where he cheats, lies and treats you like dirt. Take a hint, girl. Get the fuck out now.  

Post # 7
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

zebra10:  “you keep waiting for me to effen apologise, well it’s never going to happen”

yeh – that’s not acceptable in my book.

 

What should you say to him after HE broke up with YOU when he flirted and texted another woman? You should say ‘it’s never going to happen, see you bye’! 

Post # 8
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee

Yipeebee:  Seconded. OP, he’s being a jerk because he is a jerk. Nothing you do will change that, and I don’t know why you’d ever settle for it. Please do your future self a big favor and move on.

Post # 9
Member
592 posts
Busy bee

Yeah… I’d cut my losses and move on. 

He clearly doesn’t love you and is just saying it to appease you. He is SEEING OTHER WOMEN and doing the same thing to you as he did to his ex. 

He is doing it in front of your face and lying about it. If you’re okay with it this time and you still want to marry him, you’re showing him that you would be okay with it for the rest of your life. This behavior will not change, especially if he knows he can get away with it.

This is not normal as a “normal” committed man would TELL YOU that he loves you, not talk to other girls and lie about it or lie/go to a bar alone. 

Post # 10
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

zebra10:  he is definitely not ready for any sort of commitment, at least not with you. Guys who love you don’t sneak around with other girls and most importantly, they don’t break up with you. His ex is right about him, and I have a feeling you are going to find that out the hard way if you continue seeing him.

Post # 11
Member
6272 posts
Bee Keeper

Put your question down and step away from the unfaithful boyfriend. 

He may well have some deep rooted commitment issues. however its not your job to be a jerk whisperer. 

They are issues for him to deal with if he chooses to do so. theres nothing in your post to suggest he wants to.

why would you want to marry a man who does not cherish you?  I would suggest that’s the better question.

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

zebra10:  first off, im so sorry you got mixed in with someone like that. However no, he isn’t normal. He’s a giant manipulative douche. He was basically cheating on his ex, and now is doing the same to you, and isnt even sorry! That alone would be enough to leave. He keeps breaking up with you whenever a conflict arises, which isn’t healthy. And he doesn’t respect your need and desire for commitment and marriage, and keeps you around with the false hope he’ll do it eventually. Leave this guy. Go find someone who loves you, isn’t afraid to hide it. Someone who doesn’t lie, hide things, or refuse to apologize when he’s wrong. And someone who wants to marry you as much as you want to marry him. Who values commitment and marriage. This guy ain’t him. 

Post # 14
Member
3541 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

zebra10:  uh, no, not normal. Have some respect for yourself and dump him. 

Post # 15
Member
3244 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

zebra10:  I would not apologise to a man for wanting a certain, perfectly normal commitment as part of my journey through life. You are in a serious relationship and you want to get married. He’s not a baby. He’s not nineteen. Why should you apologise to him?? He won’t say sorry to you.

Fuck, if you are going to stay with him and bliethely assume all you need to do is say sorry, back off from what you truly want in order to keep him then, I don’t think I can honestly help you. As a woman and a friend to all of those who appear on this forum it would not sit well with me to advise you to do anything submissive in this relationship. He already has the upper hand and I am sure he is being secretive and innapropriate behind your back. If you want him, you want him but if I knew you IRL I would be shoving you in the direction of better men. I know many and I am proud to introduce them to my girlfriends. You should meet a man like my mates.

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