(Closed) Is he commitment phobic or normal?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee

You keep justifying his behavior with excuses, which makes me believe this guy is really manipulative. He’s almost 30 – he’s not going to change. You’ll be dealing with him flirting with other women for the rest of your life. I know you say you’re okay with not being engaged right away, but you’re putting all the power in his hands. He keeps telling you that every time you ask about engagement, he says he’s going to keep putting it off. Wtf?! You deserve to be happy – there are tons of good men out there who will give you stability, respect, love… and a ring. Good luck!

Post # 17
Member
262 posts
Helper bee

Wow. This is not a good guy. He’s a cheater and a liar and a manipulator. Don’t say anything to apologize. Move on and find a decent guy. There is no happy ending possible with someone like this. I know it’s hard and you love him. But he’s not showing you love in return. He’s not treating you this way because of something you did. He’s treating you this way because it’s who he is.

Post # 18
Member
3485 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

If you want to keep him happy, apologize, never bring up marriage again, and just accept him for who he is.

If you want to keep YOURSELF happy, find someone better. This guy sounds like a waste of everything. He doesn’t respect or value you or the relationship.

If you are determined to stay with him, know that your thoughts and feelings will never matter, and that every decision in the relationship will be in his best interest, to the neglect of yours. I hope you realize at some point that you deserve much more than what he’s bringing to the table. Best of luck, bee.

Post # 19
Member
3244 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

MiniMeow:  YES!!!!!!!! Thanks for saying that SO much better than I could. Exactly what I meant OP READ THIS TEN TIMES OVER OUT LOUD TIL IT SINKS IN

Post # 20
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

You are making a lot of excuses and justifying his  behavior toward you. Like, he has you believing that you need to simmer down and apologize. OP if you keep going back to this guy it’s just going to be the same story over and over again. None of what you keep posting sounds like a stable relationship. My word of advice? Do you. 2 years together might seem like a long time but not as long as spending another 1, 3 or however many years having to step down and obey someone else’s decisions on your relationship goals, all while getting made to believe you’re crazy. Nah, that’s ridiculous.

Post # 21
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

You are clinging to something that is not really a relationship.  He’s not commitmentphobic.  He either doesn’t want to commit to you or wants to see what else is out there first.  He’s telling you that he loves you and wants to marry you “someday” because he wants to keep you on the hook.  Men who care about you won’t risk losing you like this. 

Post # 22
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Why do you want to marry this loser? This guy isn’t even ready for a relationship, let alone marriage. Have some self-respect. You deserve better. 

Post # 23
Member
48 posts
Newbee

Sorry, babe, he’s just not that into you (and he’s a dick). Don’t waste your time on this loser. You deserve better and there are so many guys out there who would never treat you this shabbily!

Post # 24
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

A phobia is where you get an extreme reaction of terror when confronted with something. This doesn’t sound like terror. This sounds like selfish asshole.

 

What makes you think it was ‘just flirting’? The fact that neither of them texted each other ‘thanks for sex last night’?  I’m not going to lie, if he hasn’t slept with someone else it’s not through his morals or a sense of loyalty to you. He sounds like he has neither.

Post # 25
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

zebra10:  here is what a normal guy does when he feels pressured: he says “honey, I love you, but I am not ready yet. Can you be patient and we’ll revisit the subject in 6 months/a year/etc.?” again, if he loved you, he would not break up with you or chase other women. Your guy is just not a good guy. Sorry. 

Post # 26
Member
2774 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

MiniMeow:  wrote it perfectly well OP!

Soooo many years ago I was in love with a man who had stepped away from 3 relationships the minute the woman had started to talk about marriage, children, etc. I was far more naive then so I thought “well he hasn’t met the right girl yet (aka me!)” Uhhhhh no. There are men and women who are not marriage minded. And that’s ok. But if YOU’re looking to get married AT ALL then you need to learn to spot them and move on. He’s not going to change his polyamorous ways and he’s not going to want marriage “down the road.” If you can truly be ok with that then stay. Otherwise 30 is a perfectly good age to start looking for someone who IS marriage oriented. 

Post # 27
Member
2427 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

He doesn’t want to get married. He is having fun playing the field. If he hasn’t slept with another girl yet, that you know of at least, he is going to. He won’t feel he has to apologize for it. You aren’t engaged, because that is the way he wants it.

It’s not what you want. Find someone else.

Post # 28
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee

It’s just one girl?He said he definitely wanted to go to her apartment when she was back in town. He Keep breaking up with you.He clearly does not want to get married. He also had this pattern with his ex.When people show you who they are,believe them.Love is not enough.Your heart is deceitful and leads us astray.His character is seriously lacking and it’s so sad that you think you can’t do better.

Post # 30
Member
3244 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

zebra10:  YES. This update thrills me. You go, girl!! Write out a list of qualities you neeed in a man, get specific and serious about what you want and never ever settle again. You are worth so much more and if you hold tight to how important you are, the right guy will sacrifice for you, treasure you and marry the hell out of you in a way that makes you feel cherished and secure. Trust me. You are closer to getting married without this guy in your life! And thats a fact!

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