Post # 1
What are your honest thoughts?
Ok. So I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend, the father of our 2 kids for 5 years. I been knowing him all my life. Our families are very close, we go back damn near generations. He is 5 years older then me. I’m 26 he’s 31. Ever since I was 9 I use to have the biggest crush on him but of course I was a little girl so he never looked my way. Once I turned 18 he finally notice me and we became official when I turned 21. Now we’ve been living together, we raise our kids together. He’s a good father and a good provider. Sometimes we have our fights. He can be controlling at times with the decision making and he can be very stubborn. Sometimes When we don’t fight, everything is fine. I actually feel happy. But sometimes I wonder if this is right. He never wants to compromise and I have in so many ways. When we are on good terms, he can be the most charming and caring person ever! Every relationship has its ups and downs, we have kids and history, plus I love him so I try to make it work. Well once in a while, when we’re out, having lunch or paying a bill, he’s always saying “my fiancé” talking about me. And it felt good at first, like 3 years ago but now I’m like…..ok…umm. Where is the ring? Where was the proposal? Sometimes people look at my finger and say when? Even our family members started asking around the 4th year and he always shrugs it off. When somebody would ask him, he use to say “Soon” but that was a year and a half ago. Now when you ask him he laughs and changes the conversation. I brought it up myself, and I even tried to give him a time limit and that didn’t work. He said he doesn’t have the money for a big ring and I said I don’t want a big ring. You can give me a band, I don’t care! It’s about the commitment! I don’t wanna continue being just a babymom! But of course he didn’t listen and said I’m not ready to right now, it’s not really on my mind, I like how things are. My mom recently asked him and he turned away, and I said answer the question and he said when you give me a year of no drama I will….excuse me? So me, cooking and cleaning, and raising our kids and doing everything a woman is suppose to do for you, going half on every bill with you, when you didn’t have anything and nobody was there and I stayed and ride it out with you, this is what you say? So I just shook my head and let it go. He’s not thinking about engagement, but lately for the past couple months he brings up taking over sea trips. He brings it up a lot. Saying we need to take a trip! I wanna go to this place, that place! And have a threesome. With me! Now how the fuck can you say you don’t have the money for a certain type of ring and your not thinking about being engaged but you wanna take trips and plan a threesome??? What are your honest thoughts on this?
Post # 2
He doesn’t want to get married and he may never want to. I don’t really have too much advice on this one. He’s been pretty honest about it. One day you’ll get sick of it and walk or he will.
Post # 3
No no no no…. He does not respect you. You set the standard as how you are to be treated and you have allowed this standard to be low. You have children together which is a way bigger commitment than marriage. You do what a wife does for him and yet you have allowed him to be the decision maker as to something you really want. Set the bar higher , state exactly what you want and what seriousness you expect , if he wants to be with you he will rise to the occasion otherwise don’t waste any more time . we over complicate things, life is about figuring out what is absolutely important to you and then going out and finding it, don’t give your power away to a man who does not respect your needs
Post # 4
You simply tell him you’re done pretending to be his wife. This is an incredibly 1 sided relationship, and why would he want to change when you do everything for him? You’ve demonstrated how much you will take and as long as you keep taking the scraps he’s handing out, why would he ever do more?
Post # 5
You gave him children, you live with him, you paid for him, you cook and clean for him and you let him call you you’re a fiancé when you’re not one and in return he gave you nothing. You required nothing from him and that’s what you got. He’s not marriage material and at 30 he never will be…. how did I forget about the 3some. You know what kinda of man you have… not good one. Your marriage will be just as much of a one sided sham as you current relationship.
You shouldn’t be asking will he ever propose, you should be asking why you would even want to marry a man like this?
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2018 - Our Backyard
The threesome thing is very alarming. I feel that’s a way to cheat with your permission. Do you suspect infidelity?
Post # 7
beautifulbee26 : My honest thought is that your boyfriend has no incentive to marry you because he already has somebody raising children, supporting him financially, tending to his home and other needs right now. What is he missing out on? He doesn’t want to marry you, and you haven’t made it a requirement either.
I would give him a timeline, and then walk if he doesn’t commit by then as a last ditch effort. But, honestly, I haven’t heard many redeeming qualities about him or your relationship as a whole to warrant me pressuring for a proposal anyway. I’d be planning an escape route. Sorry bee
Post # 8
my advice would be to read and reread your post. over and over and over until it finally sinks in that you’re better off walkin.
Post # 9
You’re the mother of his children.You shouldn’t have to beg him to marry you
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
Is he EVER going to propose?? >>>> NO
Post # 11
But of course he didn’t listen and said I’m not ready to right now, it’s not really on my mind, I like how things are. My mom recently asked him and he turned away, and I said answer the question and he said when you give me a year of no drama I will….excuse me?
And the request for a threesome, this guy seems awfully entitled and misogynistic. Why would YOU want to marry him?
Start using a rock solid birth control and planning your escape.
Post # 12
PPs are so right. He has no reason to marry you. You’ve given him everything a traditional wife does and he has not had to make any commitment to you in return. You’ve become his live on. You’ll stay his live in until he grows tired of you, which isn’t far away since he’s now looking for a threesome to fulfill his needs.
Post # 13
short answer: no
long answer: if someone gives you an entire farm, why would you buy a cow? You are giving him everythign for nothing, he doesnt have to do anything, he gets it all with bare minimum effort, even by being an asshole, he still gets whatever he wants from you.
You seem like a self-efficient lady who can handle your own shit, time to take your business elsewhere where itʻs appreciated and move the F on. Your children are learning to how to be treated by someone and how to treat someone.
Post # 15
beautifulbee26 : Um…why do you even want him to propose?! This guy is a loser. You should be planning your escape, not trying to find ways to tie yourself to him further.
But to answer your question: no, he will never propose.