Post # 16
That every relationship has ups and downs is a myth started by people in shitty relationships to make themselves feel better. Relationships aren’t hard if you’re with the right person.
He isn’t going to marry you. He has no need to. You live with him, raise the children, do all the wifely duties. He has nothing to gain by marrying you. Can you live without ever officially marrying him?
Personally, I think he sounds like a d-bag anyway even without the marriage it so I’m not sure why you want to marry him in the first place.
Post # 17
He definitely doesn’t want to get married. He is quite content playing house. And is he fucking kidding about a threesome???
Post # 18
beautifulbee26 : He seems to be taking you for granted. I hope one day you feel you deserve far better.
Post # 19
Hey bee, we don’t know what state or country you’re in, but if you haven’t already, maybe (regardless of whether you want to stay together without a proposal or not) look into what consequences there would be if something DOES happen to your relationship at a time when you don’t have the legal protection of marriage. e.g. if he suddenly decided to move out, would he automatically still be responsible for paying child support? And if you ever decided to leave, what kind of parental rights would he be likely to get? Just a thought 🙂
Post # 20
He’s not thinking about marrying you or settling down with you. He is happy with the way things are and do not plan to change them. He is stringing you along for the ride, as another bee has stated you haven’t required anything from him. I think at this point you have two choices stay in the relationship knowing that it’s not going to lead to marriage and be okay with it; or you could require more and get out of this relationship and move on with your life knowing that you will not be marrying this man.
Trust me you don’t want to continue down the road of staying in this wanting it to lead to something more and it doesn’t. My sister is in this same situation. She didn’t require more. She asked about marriage and he said the same things that this guy has said. She asked him 5 years ago and they still are not married. She didn’t leave and she still wants to be married but he hasn’t asked and she hasn’t left. She just told a friend that you don’t want to be like me waiting on a man to give you want you want when he isn’t thinking about a relationship or marriage like you. My advice is to move on. This guy wants to have a threesome with another woman. Why would he want to do this with his “wife” a girlfriend yes, someone he doesn’t see having anything more than what you guys have. He sounds immature. Save up your money and plan to move out and on with your life. You deserve someone that knows they want to commit to you.
Post # 21
beautifulbee26 : Your entire post is why he won’t propose to you.
Why does he even need to? You have played the role of a wife, he has no reason to put it on paper.
The threesome thing is a huge red flag… He has zero respect for you.
Post # 22
The PPs have it right. One of the first serious conversations my Fiance and I had when we met was about children (Meeting at 28 with no previous marriage or kids, we felt it needed broached sooner rather than later!). I said I was open to children with the right person, but I would want to be married if kids were on the cards. If I was happy in the relationship and kids weren’t a priority, I’d be happy cohabiting.
You’ve given this man everything he wants, and basically been his servant for the duration of this relationship. If he is talking about threesomes and avoiding marriage at this stage, it ain’t happening. If you are happy keeping things the way they are, then stay. If not, I’d be starting to get a plan together for you and your kids.
Post # 23
“Now how the fuck can you say you don’t have the money for a certain type of ring and your not thinking about being engaged but you wanna take trips and plan a threesome???”
He says he doesn’t have money for an engagement but does have money for trips because it’s a lame excuse and not the real reason. He just doesn’t want to get married. As for the threesome part… threesomes are not exactly a sign of commitment, so I’m not sure why you’re asking how he could want a threesome but not want to get married. Threesomes also do not cost money unless you’re hiring an escort…
As others have siad, it’s time to run for the hills. This guy is not remotely marriage material.
Post # 24
I don’t think this man is serious about marriage. He probably already feels like he is married since he has children with you and lives with you. And the threesome thing just shows he doesn’t respect the relationship and commitment he has with you and is willing to threaten it by doing something like that. That is a selfish way for him to say he wants to have sex with someone else, but also include you in it. I’d be out of there so fast! You should just sit him down and flat out ask him if he is planning to propose soon and then if he says no, decide for yourself and your children what you want to do. Don’t stay with someone who is selfish and makes you unhappy just for the sakes of the kids. That’s not doing them any favors and certainly not for you either as you are still young and you could find someone better.