Post # 1
SO and I were at Brunch yesterday with my parents (almost a 2 hour trip to get there but sooooo worth it!) and this place also does weddings (we even heard the couple at the table across from us as about some info) and I said “Hey look hun we could get married here!” and he said “Actually I was looking into this place in PA” now from my house it is a little over an hour and a half to get to PA but I looked up the town he’s talking about and it’s almost 4 hours from my Grandmother’s Nursing Home (I have a rule that the wedding can’t be more than 2 hours away from my Grandmother’s Nursing Home, because I want her there even though she won’t comprehend it or remember it, I will remember her being there and I want her there to share in the day… as long as she is physically able to be there that is) so then SO and I were talking venues last night on the phone and he kept mentioning places out in the middle of nowhere and I kept mentioning places closer to home… like 20 mins away. (I even mentioned a Country Club that is right around the corner from Grandma lol)
I’m noticing more and more that when we talk about Our Wedding we seem to have different ideas about what we want. I want my friends and family to be there and he wants it to be just us, he wants it in a country setting, and I want it to be close to home. We even talked about where we would live and he starts mentioning far away states and I’m like no I meant around here, where we work. Sigh, I want us to have a home together and start our life together. But is he living in a fantasy world where he sees me moving to the other side of the country away from my friends and family? (and I know for a fact he would never move too far from his mother, since he’s an only child and she’s all alone aside from her brother who lives 40 mins away) Argh I guess this was just a rant. Sorry for the long post.
Post # 3
@annasaf83: I know how you feel! I wanted the small intimate wedding and my SO wants the bigger weding! I’d really talk to him about the moving thing though and make sure that both of you are on the same page 🙂
Post # 4
I think men are the worst day dreamers with weddings! They don’t see the practical or financial side of things, they want to be the man on the day and usually this means not really caring about family and friends.
I wouldn’t think anything of this at the moment, when you get to the point of discussing venues, I would set out a list of where you both want and then compromise.
It doesnt matter where you get married, but yeah, the people who can attend make the wedding, and my folks and friends being there is important to me. I think he is just going off on a fantasy wedding tangent, lol!
Post # 5
If you’re getting the feeling you’re on different pages you need to tell him. It will become very important very fast.
As to his travel/distance fantasies – you really really really need to nail this one down. I am very migrant. My whole family is. I have relatives all over the country, in England and in Japan. If I found out my job could take me to Germany tomorrow I’d be packing our bags immediately. It’s just who I am. It doesn’t mean my head is in the clouds. It just means I have a desire to see the world and I’ve made it happen for myself (I’ve moved from the midwest to the west and then to the east coast all within 3 years). You should really find out from your guy if this is something he really wants or if it’s just a dream. You should find out if he understands your desire to stay as close to home as possible and that it’s practically a non-negotiable for you. Are you really sure he wouldn’t move away from his mother if given the opportunity? My guy only has one brother. His parents are in Arizona, his brother in PA and we’re in MD. Not everyone considers relatives a reason to not move.
Sorry if that was long. I’m just curious about your situation and wanted to give you our situation as an example. Honestly, I would go crazy if I was geographically tied down for the rest of my life. Just seemed like something that could be important to investigate. 🙂
Post # 6
@claireos: SO and I are only children, our families are important to us. (not only am I an only child, I am also the only grandchild on both sides.) I’m not tied to my family but I don’t want to be too far away in the event that they need me. (This also includes my Aunt and Uncle who never had children). I grew up 30 mins away from my grandmothers and saw them at least once a week.
SO’s father passed away 5 years ago, and he doesn’t really have much family aside from his Mom, Aunt, Uncle and one Cousin a few years younger than us. His Mom is a homebody, and has said that when SO gets married she will live with him and his new wife and help raise the grandkids (to which SO says Hell no! and I agree!) But we worry that once he moves out she will shut herself in the house and never get out.
And btw I have lived away from home, After college I took a job that moved me 100 miles from home and at first it was fine, but after a while I found that I missed my family and friends and I moved back after 2 years. (I’m glad I did, because I met SO a year later) I don’t think that anyone who moves away from home is living in a Fantasy World, I just think that with our families and how close we are to them that SO is living in a Fantasy World thinking that we can move 1000+ miles away.
Post # 7
@annasaf83: That makes sense. I just wasn’t sure if you’re coming from a “it’s crazy to just pick up and go” perspective or a “we literally can’t move” perspective. Sounds like you’re the latter. 🙂
I understand it’s incredibly important to you that you stay close to home, and it sounds like it might be for him as well, but does it seem like he feels it’s as important as you do? Or is it more of a wishful thinking comment in passing. Like, I always say I’m going to sell the house, quit my job, move to Nicaragua and live off the income we saved. But I don’t really mean it. I’m usually very sarcastic about it. Does it sound like he thinks moving away is a real option for you guys? Have you asked?