Post # 1
Ok…. I will try to make this short and sweet. I met this guy 4 years ago. After hanging out with him for some time, just talking and getting to know him, he tells me he is married and has 2 kids. But that he and his wife were unhappy and going to get a divorce. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and as it turns out it took 2 years for the divorce to happen. In the mean time of those 2 years he still wanted to keep in contact with me. Well….. i feel horrible but his wife found out and rightfully so went postal. I dont blame her i felt horrible. Since the divorce and everything inbetween he and I would date off and on. We both dated other people.
He moved out of state for a while. We couldnt make it work long distance. He asked me to move out of state with him so i did. Eventually we moved back to my home town and were in the process of making things work. OK HERE’S THE SKINNY….. they are now divorced and……He offered to pay his ex wifes tuition for a semester if she moved up by us. but put my school on hold. This is when we were out of state. He went on a family vacation with her and his family. He lied about where she slept, if she was around him a lot, he lied that he took her back to the airport. On his facebook he has over 500 pictures. Most are of his kids. But he has 10 pictures of her still. And only 1 of me.
He forgets conversations he has had with her but can remember what so and so’s mother had for breakfast 3 years ago???? He looks through my phone a lot. I dont care… i have nothin to hide. I looked through is phone the other day and he and his ex were having an inappropriate conversation. That if rolls were reversed he would have been mad at me. So i called off the engagement. Ladies this isnt the first time i have had issues of omitting information about her. Everything is black and white except for her and him.
She called him up and wanted him to buy paint balls from her. He automatically says yes. Does he really need freakin paint balls….???? Why is she calling him anyway. She has a boyfriend….ask him.
He gives the explaination that he is tryin to make it an easier transition for the kids. He doesnt want to be with her at all. That he loves me 100%. he is trying to salvage what is left of his broken relationship with her. He doesnt want a bad relationship with his ex.. I get that. I came from a divorced family. Im not asking him to be mean to her. Am i thinking too much of something or is this wrong????? Oh and i am 10 weeks pregnant with his baby as well…… what the hell????
Post # 3
@asher212: Red flags everywhere. A liar who keeps lying. GET OUT NOW.
Post # 4
That’s a little too inappropriate of a relationship for me to deal with. I’ve never dealt with a divorced relationship so I couldn’t tell you if this is normal or not, but I sure as hell wouldn’t put up with it.
I don’t think you are overreacting about this at all.
Post # 5
@asher212: I wouldn’t trust this guy as far as I could throw him, and I have very poor upper body strength.
Seriously, there are red flags all over this shady guy. Not only is he controlling (him looking through your phone all the time? Yeah, not ok), but he is clearly lying to you, and is obviously capable of cheating and lying about it. I’d definitely run far, far away from this sketchy dude.
Post # 6
@asher212: Re-read your post, only pretend you didn’t write it. Pretend a stranger wrote this and you’re reading it for the first time. What would you tell her?
Post # 7
@Daisy_Mae: Exactly. +111111111111111
This is crazy! I would NOT trust this guy at all!
Post # 8
Soooo many RED Flags here (and numerous other issues with your relationship with this man)
A man who is still married, when you met him is not FREE to move on.
And consequently in some way he is of course still tied to his kids and her, despite his being with you.
Not surprising then, that years on he is still having issues with her, and him and defiining what that relationship is
Because he never ended it appropriately, and had time to heal / recover / rebuild himself without that relationship
Add in the fact, that they’ll always be involved because of the kids, and well… I don’t see where any of this is going to improve any time soon (if ever)
Breaking off the Engagement was probably a good idea
I’d stay gone
In the long run, you’ll be better off without him
And learn from this experience… look for a guy who is truly available and mature enough to give his heart to you 100% from the second he meets you
PS… When I was a college student, I got “drawn in” by a married man… he wasn’t upfront with me either. Thankfully I figured it out pretty quickly, and walked away from that relationship BEFORE it went too far… I couldn’t see myself continuing it and doing wrong by myself (and his kids). Too much guilt for me.
As women we have to be careful… there are certainly men out there that are deceptive liars… IMO they aren’t worth the bother. If they lie about one thing, chances are they’ll lie about other stuff as well. I wouldn’t want that worry in my life continually. It NEVER makes for a fulfilliing relationship. Just a life filled with heartache
Post # 9
Looks like you already know that the relationship isn’t a good one. If he was willing to go behind his ex-wife’s back, then he’s willing to go behind yours–which he has apparently done.
You deserve better.
Post # 10
@skjumps: I agree with you…It sounds like he is cheating on her with the ex, him checking her phone is his way of telling on himself because he wants to see if you are doing what he is. When people cheat they just assume the other person is cheating too. He had her put her education on hold for his ex… come on now; you have to see the signs.
RUN, RUN, AND DONT LOOK BACK !!! THERE SHOULD BE A SIREN GOING OFF IN YOUR HEAD
Post # 11
@niasg1: Hi! I think you replied to the wrong poster! @asher212 is the OP! I point this out because I think your advice is spot on and I think OP should read and consider it.
Post # 12
@skjumps: I was agreeing with her and edited the post and added the comment…thanks
Post # 13
@CorvusCorax: —> This
What is that old saying…
If they’ll do it WITH YOU, they’ll certainly have do qualms on doing it TO YOU
Sorry, but I am one of those gals who does believe in the old adage…
Once a cheater… always a cheater.
Post # 14
@asher212: No way, he’s not over her and from the sound of it doesn’t want to ever be. Sounds like he’s cheating on you. And– he said he’d pay for her school tuition if she moved nearby? At the expense of YOUR education when you are supposed to be his fiancee? What a jerk.
Good for you for calling off the engagement. He’s no good and I think you know it– free yourself to find someone better, because there are MUCH better men than this out there!
Post # 15
@asher212: There is a theory I heard that is usually correct. If he cheats on someone else with you, he’ll cheat on you with someone else.
Post # 16
If you have to ask if he’s over his ex, you know the answer and the answer is no.
I’m sorry to say, but this situation is full of warning signs to get out before you make an even bigger commitment. I understand that he doesn’t want to have a bad relationship with his ex, but to have an inappropriate conversation via text? Not okay. And I find it funny how he’s the one messing around and yet he’s checking your phone as if you’re doing something wrong. He’s clearly feeling suspicious that you might be doing what he’s doing, but his suspicions are misplaced.
Run fast an far, because his ex will always be in his life and he’s proven he can’t be trusted with her.