- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my concerns.
My fiance and I have been together for nearly 8 years. A few years back, my friends (and especially my family) started harassing me because we weren’t married. I wanted to get married to him so badly, but I understood his hesitations: we were young, poor, he hasn’t finished college yet, etc. I was not happy about this, but I didn’t pressure him because I wanted HIM to want to be married too. His parents are also a very big part of the equation. They have tried a couple of sneaky things to try to get him to break ties with me, including telling him that we couldn’t live together (it made him nervous and he wasn’t very upfront with them, but he did live with me, and eventually told them it wasn’t going to change)
Well fast forward a few years, and he proposes. I’m totally shocked (and thrilled!)
His family, on the otherhand, seems to be doing what they can to stress me out as much as possible. Especially his mother. Actually, mostly his mother. And although he stands by me for certain aspects of the wedding (we chose our own church, not his family’s church for the ceremony) he won’t back me up with other aspects (his mom as a lot of “necessary” family and friends to invite that we’ve never met or hardly know, and he’s afraid to say no to her on that one).
To add to that, we’re paying for the wedding, with a little help from my parents. My parents are struggling to give us the money that they are giving us, and I’ve cut back on their guest list and they were sad but understand.
Basically, my fiance is allowing his mother to have too much say. I’m afraid to say anything to her as we get along O.K. but I don’t want to ruin our relationship.
I’m starting to feel like maybe we’re not ready for this. I mean, I’m not okay with my mother in law ruling my life. And if he’s not ready to tell her no, what can I really even do?
I love him so entirely much it hurts to even think about not marrying him. But I need his support!
Have you been in a situation like this? What did you do?